Steadfast Peace

You know that emotional low you sometimes experience after a high point in your life?

After you have been through an unusual flood of emotions over a period of time that had you on a ride you couldn't stop if you wanted to. All the sudden you're overcome with a new emotion but this time instead of adrenalin or anxiety it's a deep sadness or sorrow. A feeling deep in your soul that you can't contain or control.

I felt that low last night.

After months of preparation and over coming obstacle after obstacle my sweet Amanda was finally married to the man God chose for her when she was born 32 years ago.

It has been a crazy ride for our family this past year. If you are a new reader I'll give you a brief recap. God called Amanda to the mission field in Kampala Uganda to work with orphans at an organization called Watoto. After being in Africa only 5 months Amanda had two surgeries in less than 10 days and was diagnosed with cancer. We have rebuked that diagnoses and believe Amanda is 100 % healed. The doctor wanted Amanda to have a pet-scan after her surgery to see if the cancer was completely removed. If it wasn't, to see if it spread. BUT after much prayer and fasting Amanda decided against the scan. Funny story, after the surgery the ONLY pet-scan in the region was broken and a scan was no longer an option unless Amanda traveled to Kenya which is about 13 hours from where she's located.

Honestly I feel it was God's confirmation she didn't need a test, she had her answer.

Amanda met Claver, her now husband, last year while on a mission trip. Claver was managing the hotel where the mission team stayed. I say Amanda met Claver last year but Claver met Amanda 2 years ago. This is an excerpt from a letter he wrote me.

The first time I saw Amanda was in 2011 and all I saw was her back and her long beautiful hair. It was at our then family Kayegi Hotel. At the time I did more of administrative work in a hidden office so I did not get the chance of ‘putting’ a face to the beautiful hair I saw. For some reason though, I never forgot having seen her. It was not until after a whole year, when she came back in 2012 that I got to ‘put’ a face to the beautiful hair. I was at the reception waiting on a few Guests; she passed by and sat in the Lounge to surf the Internet on her phone. As I looked at her, I was drawn to her but I just thought it was because I had never seen anyone with such a beautiful young lady with very long amazing hair in my life. It was a couple of days after that we started talking and it has been special ever since.

And God used one sentence from Amanda that captured my heart. On the 12^th August 2012 during a Face book chat, Amanda said,“I will live, love, laugh, die, and be buried next to my husband.”I was shaken to the core of my being. I had never heard any woman speak this way before. Could she really be the one? My heart screamed Yessssss!!!!

If you think that's sweet you should see the rest of the letter... Be still my heart. Jesus hand picked this husband for my first daughter before she was born.

You would think if Jesus picked the husband and brought the wife over an ocean all would run smoothly right? Think again.

There is nothing the enemy hates more than for a mighty man and Godly woman to marry. For the male image of God and the female image to become one and the power of the Holy Spirit to move freely through them.

Satan did his best to keep this union from happening. he used surgeries, cancer, problems with getting a marriage license to finances. He didn't stop at just medical and culture issues he even used family members to try and ruin the happiness and beauty of this union. Amanda received a very hurtful letter from a family member that in the natural would have done great harm but we have learned to recognize the works of the one who is out to destroy us and she chose not to fall into that pit. Instead she and Claver prayed for this person to be set free from lies.

Their wedding date was changed a dozen times because of paperwork issues. A week before the wedding Amanda's back was injured from traveling on motorcycles and old buses traveling on roads filled with pot holes.

Her sciatic never was injured and while most brides would be making their final wedding plans Amanda was laid out in severe pain. She had to use the money she had to live on to rent a car and do the 3 hour drive back to Kampala to see a Chiropractor.

Gems my heart broke hearing my daughter sobbing over the phone in excruciating pain and feeling helpless. But GOD! I met with my prayer warriors and had a team of people praying for Amanda that God would hold her up to walk down the isle. And hold her up HE did!

My beautiful baby girl was married to Claver Busima and their prearranged marriage by her Heavenly Father has begun.

My house was filled with excitement as family and a few close friends gathered to watch the wedding on Skype. We had chocolate and vanilla cupcakes to represent our two cultures coming together. 

There were a few computer glitches but for the most part we were able to see the whole ceremony. We toasted with orange juice and had lots of hugs and smiles. 

Afterwards we went to breakfast for our reception here in the States with bride and groom in our hearts. I made the best of the circumstances I was given so I could be a part of my daughter's wedding. My heart was and is filled with thankfulness to my sweet Jesus and joy for Amanda and Claver.

That night after everyone went back to their lives and Claver and Amanda were officially on their weekend honeymoon I was sitting on my couch alone with my thoughts and began to feel sad. This was that moment. The event had reached it's climax and I was on the other side. Months of emotions and stress lifted off my shoulders yet I didn't feel relief I felt lonely and sad. Why?

Because I was exhausted for one and it's when we are weak the enemy likes to whisper things to us. Here is a sample of what I was hearing:

“so here you are, once again all alone. No one here at the end of the day to hold you and share your intimate thoughts. This is the time that married couples share together with pride, when one of their children marry but you are divorced and everyone has gone back to their lives that don't include you. Once again you had to handle all these issues Amanda has gone through alone.”

But when I heard that word “alone” it jolted me, like being woke up from a bad dream. I stopped those thoughts and said out loud “no I didn't.”

Gems I was never alone. I prayed everyday and felt an unexplained peace constantly. I felt the arms of Jesus holding me every time I needed to be held.

I felt His presence every time I thought I would lose it. Every time I cried I felt Him close to my heart. On the mornings I didn't want to go to work because I was tired from a long night of messaging Amanda due to the time difference I felt a strength to get up. I heard Him speak to me when I needed a reminder my Amanda was right where He wanted her. In the center of His will.

I remembered a conversation I had with my dear friend Johnmichael Moran. He reminded me of a verse that has become my life verse this past year.

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

Steadfast: unwavering faith, firmly established,firmly fixed in place or position

John Michael reminded me that it's a decision to be steadfast. It's a decision to trust the hand you can't see. He reminded me in order to have that peace I had to look past everything in the natural, including my understandable fears, and trust God.

Gems I'm writing this jewel to remind you that it's a decision to be steadfast. I want to encourage you whether your coming off an emotional high, good or bad, or in the pit of despair you can have peace. The key is to keep your mind steadfast on Jesus.

It won't change your circumstances and you won't be able to explain it but you will feel it.  Steadfast peace..........

Don’t Give Bread Alone

I arrived at Soup kitchen ready to greet our guest for dinner under a beautiful blue sky. I greeted each one by name then as they picked their spots I stopped by each table to again greet and remind them how special they are to our sweet Jesus.

Then it happened, I made eye contact with an elderly man shuffling from his electric wheel chair to his place at the table. He wore an old Veterans hat tattered and torn with his long grey hair poking out the bottom. He had hard lines on his face with a scruffy mustache and beard but just under the rim of the hat were the most amazing blue eyes. Still vibrant in spite of the hard life his small frame showed.
I sat across from him with the sun in my eyes squinting to take in each feature of his chiseled face. I asked his name and extended my hand across the worn folding table we bring each week. He told me his name was James in a deep soft voice I had to lean forward to hear. We shook hands and made an unspoken commitment to listen to each other.
I’m going to share some facts about James with you:

1.      He has 2 children in the U.S.

2.      He has a child in Vietnam, Germany, Greece and Korea

3.      He has never met the children outside of the U.S. and has no relationship with the two in the U.S.

4.      He is a recovering alcoholic

5.      He did time in prison

If I left you with these facts you would have a pretty negative impression of my new friend James and his 70 years on this planet. But one of the most precious gifts the Lord has given me is to not assume the worst in people.

As our conversation continued I found out that James was in both the Korean War and the Vietnam War. He saw things that drove him to alcohol and binges of black outs so he could survive the hell that had now become his young life.

He told me of times in Vietnam when he was fighting for his life, a machine gun his only tool, and how if you shot it before you got the “OK” you had to pay for the ammunition. He went on to tell me how expensive bullets are for a machine gun. He shared that when he came home from Vietnam he was greeted the way many of our soldiers were with contempt and hatred for surviving a war he didn’t ask for. His wife greeted him with divorce papers.

He married again but suffered from flash backs and nightmares. His 2nd wife woke him up one night and he thought he was in the war and the event that followed horrified both him and his wife. This of course led to another divorce. He tried to get back to Korea to be with the women he left there and truly loved but she was killed by the very war that took James’ once normal life.

He was forbidden to see his children here in the States because of his unstable condition from post-traumatic stress. He has to live with the fact he never met his children in the other countries. He said his prayer is they made it back to the United States and could one day forgive him.

I asked James if he had an explanation for why he survived and so many of our soldiers today are committing suicide. He looked me square in the eyes and said “I tried on many occasions to kill myself but for some reason the Lord didn't let it happen.” He went on “now I’m old so there’s no sense, I will die soon.” 

I moved across the table to sit closer to James and asked if he was on disability and he said no, that because he went A-wall for 3 months in a drunken state he was given a dishonorable discharge. He told me the key was to stay drunk. If you stayed drunk it’s amazing the things the mind can block out.

James had 4 months of leave time saved, how ironic that he was not allowed to use that time then be given help for his condition. He told me he has a few people fighting for him as the dishonorable discharge was changed in Illinois where he’s from but here in Florida it’s not accepted. I don’t understand all that he was saying but I got the gist of it. This brought some hope into the story and I excitedly asked when that will happen?  He laughed and said “they have been working on it since 1986 but it doesn't matter I will die soon.” He reminded me he was alone with no family and most people he’d known have already passed.

My heart was so full of pain and remorse for this man I had just met. His small frame reminded me of my own father before he passed. He had made his way into my heart and I just wanted to cry as I felt so helpless to add any light to his bleak situation.

I realized we had been talking so long James hadn't had a chance to eat his meal. I told him to go ahead and eat and he said he wasn't hungry, that he didn't come for the meals each week he came for someone to talk to.

Matthew 4:4
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

James lives alone in a small efficiency apartment and drives his motorized wheel chair to our site hoping to have conversation. Hoping to find acceptance in a world filled with wars, hatred, disrespect, and injustice. You would think he would be an angry man but he’s not. I asked if he had a relationship with Jesus and he said yes. I found myself at times almost staring into his blue eyes wondering how they have stayed so vibrant while the rest of his body has taken such a beating.

He has been coming to our soup kitchen not for food but for friendship and I’m happy to say he found that before I even met him. I serve with such an amazing group of volunteers that LOVE the body of Christ. The whole body. He is greeted with a smile from the beautiful woman who gives him his name tag to the high school students that make sure he has a drink. Evelyn, one of our leaders, makes sure he’s accounted for each week. James told me last week he was home sick and a volunteer brought him dinner.

Gems there are times there is nothing we can do to fix a person’s circumstance but we always have the opportunity to change their moment with us. I am honored to have met James and after thanking him for fighting for my freedom I let him know I will look for him each week so we can have talk time because two are always better than one.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.

I asked James before he left if there was anything he needed and he said he would love a pair of jeans and some new tee shirts. This is a veteran of the United States Army asking me for an outfit….
I will have it for him next week along with a hug, a smile and a reminder that he is loved by the King of Kings and that he is never alone.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Gems sometimes we have to be the ones who use our mouths for Jesus words to come out of. We have to be the one who helps our brother or sister up. We have to be the one to remind the world that Jesus will never leave or forsake us.

I pray this jewel encourages you to not give bread alone...