Ending 2017 blessed

Well Gems 2017 is coming to an end and with every ending comes a new beginning!

I thought I would catch you up on some of the amazing miracles the Lord has performed over this year. It's my way of praising God and hopefully encouraging us both.

Just to recap my last job ended in March and once again I have been living on complete financial faith, meaning no source of income other than what the Lord sends through His people. There are so many miracles involved and I'm trying to keep this short so I will fast forward to October.

I have learned on this journey that when the "brook begins to dry up" it is time for a change. What I mean by that is when the supernatural provision God is using to supply ALL your needs begins to diminish He is getting ready for a natural change. For me that usually means I'm getting ready to move.

I want you to know that I THOUGHT for sure I would be staying in the apartment I was currently living in for the past 15 months for a while. I even painted the bathroom and had a new bathtub put in because I was sure I would be settled there for a few years. It was the first time in a while I felt "at home." I shared that assumption with family and close friends and we all exhaled a sigh of relief as we humans yearn for stability and not going to lie the thought of another move was overwhelming to me.

But God had other plans, as I said the brook was drying up. I had no way of paying my rent for November without God's provision. I prayed and prayed and spent hours going over the past 2 years asking the Lord if I missed something? Had I messed up? I knew if there was a mix up it was on my end not His. I prayed, fasted, cried, whined and I'm sorry to say flat out complained for weeks.

It seemed the Lord was SILENT! The Holy Spirit had no problem telling me not to forget my keys but where I would live did not seem a priority to talk about. REALLY! I had others praying for me as well and the only word I got back was “peculiar.” Well it wasn't helpful but it did sum up most of my life.

There was no other option so with the Lord's leading I went to the manager to give my 30 day notice. Whether we like the assignment or not God does things in an orderly manner and handles every situation in a way that honors Him. One of the many parts I was struggling with was, how does this honor Him for me to break a lease?

This meant I would need to pay a cancellation fee for breaking the lease and 3 days of rent as I would not be out until November 3rd which I felt was a waste of God's money and did I mention I still did not know where I was going...

I decided I would give all the office staff a copy of Gena's Jewels the day I went in to speak to the manager as they are such a great group of men and women and I have always enjoyed my time at this complex. I handed them to one sweet lady and asked her to pass them out, I had no idea this was part of honoring God's plan.

A few days later I stopped by the office to get paint to repaint the bathroom. When I walked in the lady I gave the books to announced “this is Gena the woman who wrote the book I gave you guys.” I was then so humbled by the sweet comments they each were making. Honestly I was at such a low point in my walk I didn't think anyone would even read the books.

Before I left the manager asked to see me. I felt like I was being called into the principles office. I assumed it was about breaking my lease and of course asking where the money was but to my surprise it was not. This is when I met Robert who I introduced you to in my last jewel Shallow Roots, if you haven’t read it do so it's a great testimony of the power of God.

Robert didn't want to talk about money he wanted to thank me for my book! I didn't even know he got a copy. He wanted me to sign it! God has such a way of validating us when we feel so unworthy, to be honest Gems when I entered that office I felt like a total looser, signing a book was the last thing on my mind.

Robert was also a believer and we went on to speak about the things of God. I did bring up money and explained I had none at the moment. He was so kind and said we could set up a payment plan and I could pay $5 a month if I needed to until it was paid off.

This did not sit well with me so I asked Robert to write on a sticky note how much I owed, which he did, it was like $716. I told him I would bring it home and show it to my God and let Him know it would need to be handled before I left on the 3^rd.

I then got the paint to make sure the apartment was as I found it on my departure and thank the maintenance team for all their hard work. I was driving back to the apartment when I heard the Lord say “This is how I'm honored. The way my children who represent me to the world act when circumstances do not go how they planned can honor or dishonor me.”

I had never thought about it that way.

I put that sticky note on the frig and began to pray for finances and of course my next destination with a grateful heart and did my best to lose all grumbling.... but the Lord continued to be silent.

My daughter Jessica and I were talking one day and she asked what I needed and I anxiously responded I need at least $2000.00 to pay off the apartment complex and get caught up on my bills, phone, electric, cable, car payment, car insurance. I needed to rent a truck to move my things and a place to put them. At that time I thought I would store my belongings in my eldest daughter's garage as I had no money for a storage unit.

Gems I was all in on this and had to stand on faith, I kept reciting one of the verses God gave me years ago.

2 Timothy 1:12 For this reason, even though I suffer as I do, I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day.

Sometimes you may feel your the only one left believing and that by a thread, having faith in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. It was October 30 and I had 4 days left. The saying goes God is never late but does it always have to be down to the wire in my world??

On October 31^st I got a word from Claver, my son-in-love that God gave him in a miraculous vision. I will share that with you one day but for now just know it blew my mind. It was not about my next natural destination but it was about my next assignment. I was still trying to process it when my phone rang, it was Jessica asking me to come by her house she had something for me. I thought what could she possibly have that would top what I had just experienced. My mind was whirling thinking about what I still needed and how was I possibly going to take on the next task with no provision.

When I got to Jessica's apartment I told her about the vision and how blown away I was and she said “well get ready to be more blown away” she then handed me an envelope and inside was 20 One Hundred dollar bills!



Exactly what I told her I needed to respectfully depart from my current mission. God was on the move.

On November first we drove to the U-Haul place with cash in hand to rent a truck.
Gems I can't make this stuff up, this was the name of the place

I put all my stuff in storage and stayed in the apartment my last 2 nights with a packed suitcase, sleeping on a cot and waiting for a destination.

I went to sleep Thursday night November 2^nd and at 6:00 AM Friday morning, the day I had to officially be out, I got the following text from a sweet sister in the Lord who was in North Carolina at the time saying “so where are you staying these days?” She had no idea what a loaded question that was.

I replied "I have to be out of my apartment in a few hours and have no idea where I'm going."  She sent back the following message “we have a condo on the beach in Clearwater, it's completely furnished and available for 2 weeks if your interested.”

Finally a destination! Now Gems I was not looking for a 2 week destination, this had instability written all over it but this was the route the Lord was asking me to take. I ended up staying there for 17 days, 17 my favorite number. I had no idea how exhausted I was until I arrived. It was 17 days of rest, blessings and beauty.

I had the opportunity to reconnect with old friends in the area and I met so many awesome new friends during my visit. Before I left I was to experience yet another miracle of God's provision.
December was quickly approaching and I needed 2 car payments. My September payment was extended to December because of the recent hurricane which greatly helped in September, that's a story for another time, and now my December payment would be due as well.

The day before I was to leave my beach oasis my daughter Amanda came to see me with 2 of my grandsons and decided to spend the night (part of God's plan.) The next morning, 8:00 AM, I was busy cleaning the bathroom and Amanda went outside to enjoy the last minutes of the view. She saw a woman in the courtyard and they made eye contact. The woman gave Amanda a warm smile so Amanda said good morning, she then asked if she knew a woman named Gena Duran. Amanda replied, that's my mom. Only God!

Gems God's timing is so amazing, that in itself should prove He exist. How He orchestrates where people are at exactly the right time is nuts. This sweet woman's name is Linda and I met her at the church I was visiting and we became instant friends. She came into the condo and told my family how inspired she was by my journey and how that morning the Lord spoke to her and told her to find me and ask what I needed for my car.

Linda knew what resort I was at but had no idea what unit. God led her right to my daughter.

She then asked what I needed for my car and I said 2 car payments. She wrote me a check right there on the spot. God always provides when He sends you on a mission it just may not happen as you plan.

It's December 26^th and I would like to tell you I have been given my destination but I haven't. My children have been great about letting me take turns staying with them but the Lord has made it clear they are temporary visits. I'm currently writing this jewel from my dear friend Beverly's in Odessa where I will be for the next few days. I will be going to Lake County Florida for a few weeks in January, I will speak at a right to life event but that is all I know for now.

I have made the following verse personal to me, Luke 22:31 Gena, Gena, satan has asked to sift you all as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Gena, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.

I'm thankful that my sweet Jesus prays for me especially when I feel sifted. I know I haven't handled everything I have experienced in a way that honors God but I'm moving forward. I realized the other day how many beautiful homes I have stayed in which would not have happened if I had a home.
I hope this jewel strengthens each of you on your journey. I know God will provide all that you need for your adventure.

Can't wait to see what 2018 brings, hopefully an address, I'll keep you posted!

Shallow Roots

Well it has certainly been an interesting few months.....
I don't know about you but I have been in a place where I need to be frequently reminded about the power of God. 
My family and I have dealt with so many spiritual attacks the past couple of months that I barely have time to shine my Armour before the next attack comes.
I have had to CHOOSE not to be offended by people who have hurt me dearly, my faith is being stretched to new limits and I have questioned why I  even asked to go deeper with the Lord. 
Ever been there?

The thing is in order to go deeper you have to be vulnerable   ( susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm) I'm surprised my picture isn't showing up after the definition.

I have decided not to write this jewel about the people or circumstances that have caused attack or harm.  Instead, I'm going to share a story with you a man named Robert told me. A story/reminder I desperately needed to hear so I figured you may need to hear it too. 

Robert told me that he has a neighbor that for days had a rolled up McDonald's bag and large soda cup sitting on the railing of their fence. You know how little things can drive us crazy sometimes, well for Robert it was these two objects. He said he would pull into his drive way and all he could see were that bag and cup. As if the manicured lawns and cozy porches suddenly disappeared and all that was left was a neon sign pointing to this heap of garbage that overpowered the otherwise lovely home.
"Why don't they throw their trash away?" he would ask in the privacy of his car as he jeered at his neighbors obvious disregard for keeping their other wise nice neighborhood status quo.
He confessed he never went over and threw it away, he would just grumble from inside his car and shake his head in disgust.

Of course I'm exaggerating a bit but you get what I'm saying we have all been lured into this trap of insignificance. 

Well his attention was quickly taken off this irritating scene because he now had a bigger problem, much bigger, hurricane Irma was heading straight for Florida.

Robert shared his own feelings of vulnerability with me regarding the storm.  A feeling we all experience when things are totally out of our control.  I think we all felt a lot like this diagram! 

Robert, almost involuntarily, out loud said a familiar prayer from the safety of his vehicle "GOD help me!"

He then pulled his car up closer to the house for safe keeping and something caught his eye in the mud. He got out to find a small purple cross, which he pulled out of his pocket to show me as he narrated his miraculous God moment with me.
He said he knew God was telling him everything was going to be OK. That He was with Robert and as His word promises, He will never leave us or forsake us. Robert did what he could do to prepare for the storm and left the rest up to God.


After a night of major winds and rain the worst part of the weather was over. The next morning Robert went outside to assess the damage.
The first thing he noticed was a large tree that blew over and landed strategically in the yard just missing his home. No coincidence there. He looked down his street to see a mass of debris  covering what was once a very tidy road.

A quick scan left then right, heart still pumping a little quicker as the realization of what could have happened registers to the brain. A concerned turn of the head to ascertain his neighbors well being, and then he saw it.....
Right there in plain sight the McDonald's bag and soda cup still standing on his neighbors very thin, exposed railing!!!

This is the actual picture Robert took himself!

Gems I get chills even as a write this to you. GOD is still in control. I love that first He gives us something sweet maybe even sentimental to meet us where we are emotionally and remind us that He's got us right in the palm of His hand. Then He doesn't just show up, He shows off! HE gave Robert and I a reminder that HE IS GOD. The ONLY explanation for that "garbage" to still be there was God sending His own message. HE is bigger than nature, bigger than hurricanes, bigger than physics! He still controls the wind and rain, He can knock over a huge tree while keeping a small bag in place. He still does the impossible!

The thing is Gems on the outside we can look like big solid Christians. We may know all the right things to say or do but when the big, unavoidable, out of control storm hits who are we?
We may appear to have lots of testimonies and adventures with the Holy Spirit but do we have shallow roots?
I took this picture because it summed up exactly what I'm talking about.

Before the hurricane came this tree appeared pretty solid, but one good storm a tree without roots can be history. Yea it can be picked back up and re-planted but it has to grow roots to withstand the next whirlwind. 
Just like us, we can go through a storm and maybe get knocked over for a while but God will pick us back up and replant us in His word if we choose, but we have to grow roots to stand against the uncertainties of life.
I was definitely in a personal hurricane, still am. I have control over nothing I can't fix the situation and I'm completely vulnerable. I have to choose wisely who I let speak into my life. I have been laying low for weeks because the only voice I want to hear is God's.. I went to New York to visit my sweet sister and honestly thought about not coming back. 
I have counted on a small group of people to have faith for me on the days I don't have enough of my own and I'm beyond thankful for them.
I have needed people to tend to my tree so my roots can grow deeper.  God uses the most unusual circumstances, like that bag and cup, to remind us of His power and I'm so thankful for those moments even if they shake every branch on my tree.
Yes the winds are still blowing and like the diagram I don't know my next direction but I do know God does and it's a good plan.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Thank you Robert for allowing me to share your God story. It inspired me and I pray it inspires my faithful Gems.

Waiting With Wisdom

This is my grandson Ezra! One of the things I love about going to see him and his brothers is when I get to the door and knock. I can hear him running to the door as I call his name and excitedly announce "Ezra it's Nana!"
He will pull the curtain back and this is the face I see! My heart immediately melts and I can't wait to hear him tell me all about his day and any other thought he cares to share. He has my complete attention.

It got me thinking about the Lord and His relationship with us. Gems do you understand how excited He is when we take time out of our day to call on Him, to tell Him all about our day and any other thought that's in our head. When our face pops up in the throne room of God how does it look?

My jewel today is about waiting on God....... 
There are times when we are in the waiting period that seems to go on FOOOR EEEVVVEERRR ! Our image may look more like the picture below than that smiling face above. 

The only thing harder than keeping yourself encouraged during these times is keeping other people encouraged. Sometimes those who are watching or judging your life are more work than the waiting itself. I'm sure Job can relate to that. His friends were all to eager to tell him what he was doing wrong. I can tell you  from my personal experience lately it can mess with your self esteem. It can make you second guess your whole journey with the Lord when the waiting continues but the circumstances don't change.


But the Bible actually gives us some guide lines on how to handle the waiting and the wondering and for me a lot of times the wandering. That is what I want to share with you today.

There is a wonderful promise complete with a blessing when we wait properly.

Isaiah 64:4 For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear, Nor has the eye seen a God besides You, who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him.

If I succumb to the should haves and what if's I'm saying that the Holy Spirit wasn't in complete control of my entire life. He was with me in my past, my present and my future and He works in my behalf when I wait on Him.

So how do I wait in a way that brings God glory?

Not gonna lie the first way is probably the hardest. Psalm 37:7 

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him

I'm not even going to comment on that, you get it.

Psalm 62:1 My soul waits in silence for God only.

I think this is just plain good advice. Advice I should have taken sooner. The truth is friends, we, I talk to too many people asking what they think God is doing. Well how the heck do they know! That's a lot of pressure to put on someone, unless they have been on their face before the Lord praying for you their guess is as good as ours, a guess.  We have to be silent at times to even hear the Holy Spirit.

Psalms 27:13 I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.

We have to believe what God told us or trust me you will despair! We have to expect it to happen when the Lord decides it's the best time for everyone involved.

Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord;

Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.

Psalm 130:5 I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait,
And in His word do I hope.

Waiting is not for wimps! You have to be relentless in your commitment to stay strong and have courage. Depression, defeat and doubt are definite blows that will assail you. You have to remind yourself daily that your hope is in the Lord not yourself, your friends or your family. You need to STAND on God's word. 

Sometimes the waiting is because other people who are part of the equation are not listening to the Holy Spirit which can cause a clog in the whole pipeline. UGH how frustrating is that! 

The thing to remember Gems is in the end God's will happens it just may take a little longer. 

Psalm 119:74 May those who fear You see me and be glad,

Because I wait for Your word.
I'm doing my best to wait for God's word in a way that pleases Him even on the days, especially the days, that I feel more like the skeleton than Ezra. Trust me I have them but my hope for those who are witnessing my life, the yay and naysayers, that in the end you will all be glad because I waited for the word of the Lord. I want to be encouraging to all that I meet that God is faithful. That when I truly trust, His load is easy and His burden light.

In the meantime I continue trying to do everything as unto the Lord. I don't stop living or existing as I wait. I get up every morning and ask the Holy Spirit what He wants to do with the day He's given me. I try to be Jesus with skin on to any one I encounter each day. I give a smile or a word of encouragement. I write a Gena's Jewel and try to be real with my Gems so they don't feel alone. I'm not allowing waiting to replace living.
This is my life verse for this season and I remind myself as often as I need to, feel free to use it in your waiting ....

Get A Glimpse

So I got yet another glimpse into myself a few weeks ago....

I was at a conference with a friend I won’t tell you which one to protect the innocent :)

There were a lot of amazing Godly speakers and praise music so you would have thought I would have been Christ like for the entire event.  Not the case.

There was also a photographer there as you would expect during a conference. The photographer was doing her job taking pictures.

I don’t know if you have ever paid attention to that but if you have attention deficit like me you can’t help but notice what others don’t. As she took pictures, many one after the other you could here the camera click as she was snapping the photos.

After a while it got on my nerves and I said to the woman sitting next to me (you  think I would have learned by now to keep my comments to myself but NOOOOO) “that photographer is so distracting.”

The woman gave a polite smile and went back to listening to the speaker.

There was a break between speakers and I went to get a drink. When I came back the event had started and I was in the back of the room.

At this time the main speaker gets up to share and as she walks across the stage I notice the friend who invited me waving her hand at me to come up to the front where she was sitting.

I thought to myself how sweet she saved me a front row seat and doesn’t want me to miss the amazing testimony that was getting ready to be shared.

I made my way through the sea of people and sat next to my friend. This is where what I call the Holy Spirit hokey pokey comes in.

My friend leans into me and says “the photographer had to leave and the Lord told me to have YOU take the pictures.”

She then mentioned this was the main speaker so make “sure you get some great shots.”

WHAT!!!!! I could here the Holy Spirit say “let’s see what you got.”

Gems I truly cannot make this stuff up.  

First of all it was one of those cameras that you had to self focus, you know the ones with the long lens.

That would have been hard enough but it was also digital so I had to look and see if the pics were clear which would have been kinda OK if I had glasses on and could actually see them.

I was freaking out! I now understood why the real photographer was taking so many pictures. The subject was not standing still and of course was talking the whole time so you had to shoot a lot to hopefully get one good picture.

I had become the distracting clicking away camera woman.

This of course got me thinking about how quick we are to judge others when we have no idea what their going through.

Luke 6:37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

It’s so easy to run your mouth about someone else until you’re running in their shoes. I know this isn’t a new teaching, more of a reminder for me that I thought I would share with you.

We have to be careful about even our thoughts. True, I didn’t

really say anything mean about this photographer but somewhere in my mind I obviously thought I could do a better job.

Did I mention the first picture I took the lens fell off the camera and hit the floor?

It was a humbling moment and Gems, I’m happy for them.

They keep me real and hopefully from becoming self righteous.

I’m so thankful that when my Father asks me to get a glimpse of what’s inside my head He does it to correct my thinking. He does it so I don’t lose my love walk for my brothers and sisters or more importantly His sons and daughters.

Thank you Jesus for giving me a glimpse into my head and heart and for loving me anyway. Thank you God that you don’t keep the bad pics of me on record because all you see is Jesus. Thank you Holy Spirit for the new portrait you took of me that day.

"My What Big Teeth You Have"

I don't know if I ever told you, but 4 year old's are my favorites. I love that they are so honest but not yet mean. They just state facts but most times not with a goal of hurting your feelings. If you want to know if your breath stinks or if your outfit is ugly just ask a 4 year old.

I have been working as a substitute teacher for the school my oldest daughter Amanda has the privilege of being a Director for. A pretty amazing Director I might add. When I fill in  I always hope to work with 4 year olds and did so a few weeks ago.


We were playing, yes I play, on the playground and having fun when I noticed a little girl kind of staring at my face. I knew right away I was about to experience a truth. She walked closer to me as if to get a better look and said with her face kind of crinkled "Your front teeth are bigger then the rest of your teeth, they aren't the same and honestly it's just kind of weird."  She then ran off to make some other great discovery.  Had I thought of it sooner I would have said "the better to eat you with" just kidding, maybe....



The other thing I love about 4 year old's is they believe what you tell them. This can work for or against them so please be careful what you say to these precious souls. On the playground we have monkey bars and I was encouraging each child as they attempted to get from one side to the other.

We have one little boy we will call Tom, he is not as athletic as some of the other children and usually just sits in a chair but I guess the excitement of the situation cried louder to his heart than his fear and he ventured over to us. 
By now we had quite a line of children waiting impatiently for their turn. His first attempt he fell off immediately and he looked up with a face of embarrassment and defeat . I explained to Tom that the first part of getting across was getting his arms strong and to do this he just needed to hang for a few seconds. He went to the back of the line to try again.
I started a chant with the kids using each child's name and clapping as they began their descent,  the other teachers were amazed at how long the line was and the anticipation the kids had as they cheered for their ninja warriors!!
Each time Tom hung a little longer and looked up at me for approval which of course he got. Finally we began to count the seconds he was able to hang and when he hit TEN we all roared with elation at his great accomplishment!! Tom hit the ground then stood up quickly and not looking at anyone but cheering himself on shouted YES!!!!!

I'll tell ya Gems it was awesome! My eyes filled with tears as I ran over to Tom to give him a well deserved high five.

So what's my point? 

Well for my first story the little girl pointed out an obvious observation to me about my teeth. I didn't run to the nearest mirror to study my mouth and suddenly realize my front teeth were bigger. I kind of knew that from years of teasing not just from kids but adults as well. Was it just plain weird, maybe but it was my weird and I have embraced it.
I think we all struggle with some personal trait about ourselves but I want to encourage you to just be you and celebrate what you think are your strengths and your "weirdness."  God created all of you and He thinks your beautiful/handsome. 
If I let my big teeth issue consume me I would never smile and that would be awful.

As for Tom he sat in that chair daily because he didn't think he could do what the other kids do. He had so much courage that day to climb those bars with all of us watching and to get up after the first fall and get back in line to try again, It was a site to behold. I made sure to tell his mom so they could celebrate as a family that night Tom's achievement.

So what fear do you have? What do you think you can't do that everyone else is doing?
Whatever it is I hope today you hear the Holy Spirit and a host of angels chanting your name, clapping their hands in anticipation of you stepping out in faith to the challenge God has put on your heart today,  I promise He won't leave you hanging!

Last thing, make sure you say things in love especially when it's a truth a person may already be struggling with. Encourage one another, heck cheer them on and celebrate when they accomplish the task EVEN if it would have been easy for you. Make sure you speak life to those who will believe what you say. Play nice.

Go Deep

Well it’s been a while since I’ve done a shout out Gems so I thought I would check in. It has been an emotional few months to say the least.  My last assignment ended March 17^th. I originally thought it would be the end of April but the Lord had other plans. 

My youngest daughter was married on May 21^st.  I’m thankful the Lord gave me the month of May off as there were so many things to do preparing for the wedding, not to mention the emotional cycle of your baby getting married that transpired.

As a reminder, without a job means without a regular paycheck. I was short about $300. to pay for all my bills but had comfort knowing God chose the time I would leave my job and has promised to always take care of me. It’s these times that the verse “why do you worry about what you will eat or what you will wear or where you will live” come alive!

I had no idea how God would provide and honestly Gems that is part of the, dare I say fun, waiting to see how the Lord will move forward.  For this month He blessed me from my mother. I got a check in the mail for $701 from a life insurance policy I didn’t know my mother had.

It was actually sweet feeling like my mom had a part in the Lord’s financial plan for me.

So now it’s June 1^st and I haven’t had an update from the Holy Spirit on what the next plan is. So I wait……. I have been offered a part time summer job but don’t feel the Lord leading me to accept.

I don’t know why the Lord chose me to walk this path. It started in 2007 when the market crashed, my job ended and I lost both my home and investment property. I began a walk of faith as a single mother that has taken me on a ten year journey. A journey that has been exciting and terrifying. It has been packed with new people and different places and at times so lonely my heart aches.

I never know when an assignment will begin or end. I don’t know how long it will be between assignments. The first 2 ½ years I had no income at all but I traveled more than I ever had and began a personal intimate relationship with the Lord I didn’t know could exist.

Now here I am 10 years later still walking this unexplained journey.

My newly married daughter Jessica came over the other day and we were sitting on the couch together just sharing where we are in our walk with the Lord. It was a day I needed some encouragement and I was telling my daughter and myself that we may make plans but the Lord ultimately directs our steps. I told her I really needed to hear a word from God to keep me focused.

I remembered years ago the Lord giving me a Psalm for each of my children so I pulled out my old bible to find the one He gave me for Jessica. At least that’s what I thought I was doing. I had to go through the whole book of Psalms and as I turned the pages I would randomly read out loud some of the verses I had highlighted over the years.

I make the word personal as I read so what the Lord spoke to me that day went something like this.

“Gena will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety.  In the morning O Lord you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.  You surround me with your favor as with a shield.  The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble, you have never forsaken me when I seek you.  I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

I will be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. The Lord is the strength of His people.  Surely God is my help, the Lord is the one who sustains me.

If I cast my cares on the Lord He will sustain me. By this I know that God is for me. Come and see what God has done, how awesome His word in my behalf.

Come and listen all you who fear God; let me tell you what He has done for me!!!

The last verse really hit me.  “Come and listen all you who fear God; let me tell you what He has done for me!”

This Gems is where the deeper moment came…..

Why? Why do I walk this journey? Why the weeks, months or years between assignments (jobs)? Why the total dependence on God? Why me?

You see I’m really not all that important. Why would the star breathing, ocean forming, eternal universe making God of holiness invest so much time in me?

I’m not being melodramatic here, I’m sure many of my friends and family have asked the same thing. Perhaps you have asked yourself that question.

In Luke 9 Jesus gives clear instructions to His disciples; these instructions would also apply to me as I too am a disciple of Jesus Christ.

“And He called the twelve together, and gave them power and authority over all the demons and to heal diseases.

 

Jesus told us we would have the power to cast out demons and raise people from the dead.

John 14:12 Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father.

I know for sure I have never physically raised anyone from the dead. I have prayed in faith for many to be healed but have not personally healed anyone never less everywhere.

I have a small blog and have written a few books but I’m not a New York Times Best Selling Author. I’m pretty sure not everyone in my OWN family has read my books. The truth is I have given away more books than I have actually sold.

I have a pretty sketchy past that thank you Jesus I’m forgiven for and a present I’m totally blessed with. I have children and grand children that fill my heart with love and friends that have become my family that I can laugh and cry with BUT I am pretty much an ordinary woman. There is nothing truly supernatural about me or my life.

At times I get caught up with the works mentality. I find myself thinking I better get busy doing something for the Lord!  If I’m not going to raise dead people or start a miraculous  healing ministry how can I expect Him to take care of me financially between gigs right?

Do you ever experience that? Do you think God NEEDS you to perform His works or have you come to the realization that He can do all things without you? Obviously God can use all of us but we are not on a spiritual time clock. Performance is a world standard not a Heaven one.

So the deep question I am pondering here, right now, is why Lord?

I go back to His word, as revelation can only come from the Revealer.

The Bible says God formed me,that He knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Psalm 139:16

¹⁶ Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

So God knew “my book” if you will was not going to be all that exciting yet He chooses to pull me away from the world for lengths of time to be alone with Him. Why Lord?

As cliché as it may be the answer is LOVE. My Father loves ME!

Honestly at times I can’t wrap my mind around that.

Ephesians 3: 16 I pray that out of the riches of His glory, He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to comprehend the length and width and height and depth of His love, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.…

That dear Gems is deep. Those are Christ words to me and to you.

Who am I to tell God how to love me. He knows me better than anyone, He created me and He knows my love language.  It’s quality time, I grew up in a life of rejection and have scars to prove it. I have made bad and good decisions because of rejection. The enemy has tried to take me out using rejection BUT GOD has taken me on a long deep journey so today June 2^nd 2017 I could finally grasp how much He loves me.

I am overwhelmed with emotion even as I type this. I finally get it. It has never been about me or my writing or my volunteering or my parenting. It’s never been about anything I can do it’s all about what I can accept. God’s unconditional love!

For God so loved Gena that He gave His only begotten son that who so ever believes in Him shall not perish but have ever lasting life!

God wants me to seek Him the way I would seek a career or money to pay rent. He wants me to know that I know He is trustworthy. That I can be a living example of being provided for in every way by my creator. That my story can be a testimony of His love and encourage others to write their own story. It can be as deep as you allow Him to go with you.

What makes us extraordinary is being loved by a phenomenal, remarkable, unexplainable, wonderful, mighty, everlasting Father.

I pray you will go deeper with the Lord and experience your love language with Him how ever that looks, where ever it may take you, go deep……..