When Did You See me

 

To begin this jewel I will need to take you to the past. My youngest brother struggled all of his life with mental illness and later addiction. He was on medication from a young age and to say his life was heart breaking is an understatement. He passed away in 2021.

This jewel is not about my brother’s personal life as a whole but of a few incidents I want to share with you from his life. Because of his mental illness my brother was not always dealing with reality and this caused him great pain in his life. He was placed in and out of mental hospitals which led to jails and finally prison. The last prison he was in left him so badly beaten he was eventually put in a nursing home during the pandemic, where he died alone. 

I would visit my brother at the hospitals, jails and prison, it was always a traumatic experience. The prison was the worst. I had to do most of this on my own as our family was spread out over the state. I would have a stomach ache on the 2 ½ hour drive to the prison and would usually cry on the ride home.

During one of my brother’s psychotic episodes he broke into my parents home in the middle of the night. My parents were in their 80’s and I’ll spare you all the details but the event left both my parents wrongly placed in jail! 

It was only by God’s grace I found out. I was living in Mt. Dora FL at the time and they lived in Davenport FL. I got a phone call from one of the women who worked at the jail. I don't know how she got my number because I know my mother didn't have it memorized and I had a cell phone. Only God. She told me my mother had been crying for hours. My parents were in pajamas and were freezing and they didn't have any of their medication. I remember trying to process what she was saying to me as my mind exploded after hearing they were in jail. She gave me an address and I told her I was on my way. I began the 2 hour drive furious and in disbelief. I began to pray. I asked God “what am I going to do when I get there?” I had no idea.

When I pulled up to the Sheriff's office I felt the Holy Spirit say “ask for the person in charge.” A young girl came to the desk and said "How can I help you?" I told her I wanted to speak to the Sheriff. Honestly I had no idea what I was asking at the time. She began asking about what and did I have an appointment? I just kept saying over and over I want the Sheriff. She walked away, obviously annoyed and eventually out of sight. I began praying frantically to God asking, Now What!?

I heard the Holy Spirit clearly say “do you see the Sheriff Department mission statement on that sign above you?”

MISSION STATEMENT

We, the members of the Sheriff’s Office, are committed to excellence in providing law enforcement, detention and public safety services. In partnership with our community, we will serve with integrity, compassion, accountability, and professionalism. 

Ummm yea… "Well when the next person comes to the desk I want you to read it to him.” I didn’t have time to think about His answer when an officer walked up to the desk and said firmly, how can I help you?

I did exactly what the Holy Spirit said to do. I read the mission statement to him then told him I wanted to speak to the Sheriff.

He informed me the Sheriff was out of town. I then asked for the person in  charge under him. The officer told me that was the deputy Sheriff and he didn’t work at that office. I stayed firm listening to the Holy Spirit and then asked him for his name and address as I was going to go to him. He told me to wait then left the reception area.

Gems I was freaking out this whole time! I thought for sure that officer was going to get handcuffs to cart me off. If nothing else, I might be in the cell next to my parents.

He came back a few minutes later with the name and address of the man in charge. 

I drove to the town where the deputy sheriff was, which was another 40 minutes away. When I arrived I gave my name and asked for the man in charge. The officer smirked and said “he’s expecting you.” 

I could feel the Holy Spirit all over me and knew He was in control.

I walked into the office of the Deputy Sheriff and after a few minutes of chatting I knew he was a believer. I explained the facts I had of the situation and he responded with very professional answers. We both knew the young officer that did the deed had messed up.

I told him I respected his position and his responsibility to the department. I then went on to tell him that he and I, as believers, answered to a higher authority and that authority was calling him to release my parents immediately.

He left the office for a few minutes then came back and told me they would be released and I could go back to the jail, 40 minutes away, and pick them up. The Holy Spirit rose up again and I said no, your officer took my parents from their home. You need to drive them back.

He arranged it and they did. 

God moved in a mighty way but it was an emotional experience to go through nonetheless. 

Gems, there are a lot of other encounters, some much more painful, and the truth is they left scars on me emotionally. I have stayed away from situations involving jails since my brother passed away. 

This brings us to the present. As many of you know, Paul and I have a ministry called Renegade Recovery Foundation. We are honored to walk alongside those struggling with addiction of any kind. One of the men we minister to and have built a strong relationship with was arrested. I have been praying for him, however, the Holy Spirit has put such a special place in my heart for him.

The visitation has changed a lot since I was in the jails and I know you have to set up accounts and do video chats and you don’t get to see the inmate in person. I think this is awful for so many reasons but I want to stay focused. With the help of my sweet husband we were able to find out what jail he was in.

I woke up last week and clearly heard the Holy Spirit say “go see my son at the jail.” I’m not gonna lie I had no desire to go to any jail but I knew God was sending me. I got dressed and headed out the door. Again, I had no clue what I would do when I got there or what the procedure was. With no communication available I could not let our brother know I was coming. The feedback from those around me was I was wasting my time. But I knew what God said.

As I started the drive I prayed. I had an immediate stomach ache as a flood of memories filled my mind of the journey with my brother. When I arrived I rang the bell and a voice asked what I wanted. I said my name is Gena and I’m a pastor, I figured I’d try that card first.

The woman asked if I was there for visitation and I said yes. She buzzed me in. There was no one inside the room, only a row of phones. 

I said OK Lord you're on. I picked up the phone and typed in the information I knew. Up came my friend's name and I hit start visit. I could see myself in the small video. The problem was my friend had no idea I was there.

I asked the Lord, how will he know I’m here? The Holy Spirit said hang up and go to the next door. I laughed to myself remembering the Sheriff's office from years ago. So I asked, do you have another sign I can read? As I came up to the door this was on it.

Does God have a sense of humor or what! I walked to the window at the end of the hall and the woman who came up had the most beautiful blue eyes. She asked if she could help me and I just started blubbering. I told her I woke up and God said come to the jail. I went on to tell her I wasn’t even sure if he was still there but I had to do what God said. I could feel the Holy Spirit moving. I told her I had a team of people praying and believed she was the one God would use to help me. I don’t know if she believed or was just afraid of me but she not only found him she arranged for him to go to the area in the jail where he could take my call!!! 

My heart was pounding as I made my way back to the voice box on the wall that felt like the wizard of oz asking what I wanted. I said firmly I’m here for a visit!

I grabbed a phone and once again put in the information and up popped the face of my dear brother.

His eyes filled with tears when he saw me. He just kept saying my name over and over. He told me he prayed all morning and felt like God said HE would send me. He said “I just can’t believe you're really here!” I let him know God was clear that He wanted to love on His son.

He told me he desperately needed money for the commissary as he had no personal hygiene items for weeks.

Because of our generous supporters through Renegade Recovery foundation we not only put money on a commissary account but set up a phone call account for him too.

Unfortunately he can only have one visit a week so I have to wait to go back and see him.

Gems, we ask God if he sees us? Does He hear our prayers? Will He help us, and the answer is yes, BUT, we are the tools that He uses for others.

 I kept thinking of Paul in the Bible and how many times he was in jail, he counted on his brothers in Christ to help him.

2 Timothy 4:13 "When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, and the books, but especially the parchments."

I needed to get past my past and be available to go wherever God waned to send me.

There are times we need to get rid of excess baggage so we can travel on a new assignment for God.

Gems you don’t have to know the "how" just move and allow God to do the hard part. Some of those hard parts are cleansing our wounds so we can help heal another's.

People are in all kinds of prisons, let’s help set them free!

When we do for the least of these we do for Him, and He sees us!

renegaderecoveryfoundation.com

Clock Is Ticking

Before we are even born God knows the plans He has for us, the assignments we would accomplish, the people we would meet on our journeys, the successes we would accomplish and the disappointing challenges we would endure.

Jeremy 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

The plans are assignments and once we give our life to the Lord we are given an assignment clock and that clock begins ticking right away. The problem is not time, it’s not trusting God’s timing or not using time effectively. 

Psalm 39:4 “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered – how fleeting my life is.

We need to protect our time because time equals life, waste time, waste life.

The thing is time is fair currency, we all get the same amount of it. Heaven is trying to get us to use our time for the glory of God while hell is trying to waste your time for the glory of you.

 I heard a preacher teach on this and found it so powerful, he let us know we all have 86,400 seconds every day and it’s not transferable. If you take out 8 hours for sleep, you are left with 57,600 seconds a day. Every minute of distractions is a minute off your life.

That same pastor gave a great visual using an elevator as an example of how we may waste that time. We begin on the first floor and God’s goal for us it to reach the 10^th floor. You start off with you and your parents and then as you grow you stop off at the 3^rd floor. This gets the enemy nervous, so he has some “distractions” join you in the elevator.

Distraction begins, paying attention to these people or things when there are appointed people you are supposed to meet on the 7^th floor, however,  you’re at a “weight” capacity. You think you’re waiting on the Lord when He’s in fact waiting on you.

We hear many sermons to pray for open doors for us, perhaps when the Lord opens a door it isn’t so much for you to enter but to have people who are blocking you to get off. God is trying to make room for your assignment, and we are pressing the “hold open” button on our elevator begging people to stay. We begin to feel lost because that’s how we look in the spirt, not because God doesn’t love us but because we won’t let the distractions off and let the door close.

There are other people God puts on your elevator for most of your ride. They are put there to help you go up but it wasn’t until the others left that they can even fit. These are people filled with the Holy Spirit, but you couldn’t see things spiritually because you were allowing people or things to keep you on a floor that is beneath your potential.

If our time runs out at this point and we leave this earth, God may welcome us home, but we realize we never got to the 10th floor. God will remind us that He tried to get our attention on the 2nd and 5th floor but it took decades for Him to convince us we could do it. He told us in His word that nothing is impossible for Him. The assignment was always ours, remember He gave it to us before we were even born, but we allowed the enemy to convince us we weren’t qualified. We forgot that we were made in God’s image.

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

In order to complete our destined assignments, we must surrender to God our time, desires, rights, cravings, everything. If we do not surrender our elevator doesn’t go up.

Maybe the authentic you is so pressed down and your struggling and we call it depression or anxiety. Perhaps those feelings are the real you trying to get out?

Ask yourself, “who told you that?”

Who told you God can’t use you? Who told you that you were useless?

Remember the enemy is trying to keep you from what God said you would be. The trouble is the enemy believes in us more than we believe in ourselves!

God said, you are the righteousness of God, that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.

Pay attention to what floor you’re on and who’s there with you. Stay focused on what voice you’re listening to. One voice is making sure you waste your precious time while the other is trying to use your time for Kingdom building! The clock is ticking…………………




**Example of distractions: people, cleaning, working, eating, watching TV, shopping etc.**

                              

The enemy rarely attacks what he’s after, he breaks something that matters less to break something that matters more. You can’t always control what gets broken, but you can control, if you allow what’s broken to break your soul. We won’t always have preventability, there are times we have no control over a situation, however, we have responsibility.  How we respond to what’s been broken determines whether or not what’s been broken breaks us.

What Satan attacks is rarely what Satan is after. The enemy often attacks what matters less so he can get to something that matters more.

In the case of Adam and Eve, Satan wasn’t after fruit. He was after their faithfulness. He knew if he could get them to doubt God he could separate them from God and from the garden itself.

Genesis 3:23 Therefore the LORD God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken.

We now arrive at the moment of humanity’s greatest loss, the true and lasting consequence of sin. Adam and Eve were banished from God’s physical presence to a life characterized by pain, frustration, difficult work, and eventually physical death.

Let’s look at a man named Job.

Job 1:6-12 6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them. 7 The Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” 8 And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” 9 Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? 10 Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. 11 But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.” 12 And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.

With Job, he’s upright and blameless. Satan has a conversation with God about where he has been and God says what about my servant Job? Satan didn’t ask about Job; he's recommended to Satan by God! God‘s getting ready to introduce him to someone he can’t break. The highest level of trust is to be trusted in a crisis. Satan says I have considered him, but you have a hedge around his household and everything he possesses.

God didn’t tell Satan He had a hedge of protection, Satan told God he had a hedge. How did Satan know that there was a hedge around Job unless Satan had been trying to get to him.

How many things do we not even know about that God protected us from?

Satan said, remove the hedge and Job will curse you to your face. So God tells Satan He will remove the protection but Satan can’t kill Job.

Job 1:13-22 13 Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house, 14 and there came a messenger to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing and the donkeys feeding beside them, 15 and the Sabeans fell upon them and took them and struck down the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” 16 While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants and consumed them, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” 17 While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “The Chaldeans formed three groups and made a raid on the camels and took them and struck down the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” 18 While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house, 19 and behold, a great wind came across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young people, and they are dead, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”

Have you ever felt like you barely caught your breath from the last hit and another one punches you in the gut?

20 Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. 21 And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” 22 In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

All those devastating tragedies happened from the enemy …. but that’s not what Satan was after. He wasn’t after Job’s health or his resources or his relationships. He was after Job’s commitment to God.

It was the same with Jesus when he was tempted in the wilderness by Satan.

Matthew 4:1 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.

It was at the end of 40 days, Satan showed up with some stones to be turned into bread. Satan didn’t want Jesus to break bread, He wanted Jesus to break the fast. It was at the moment the man of God needed spiritual strength the most that Satan wanted to break the connection.

It's the same case with you and me. What are your attacks? What is the enemy trying to break in you?

Does he attack when you are weak or strong?

The “thing” isn’t what he’s trying to break. He’s trying to break your soul.

We throw that word soul around a lot in Christian circles, generally speaking when the Bible says, soul it refers to when God created Adam, he breathed into him life. God gave Adam a soul.

Genesis 2:7 Then the Lord God formed the man out of the dust from the ground and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils, and the man became a living being.

You can lose something superior by chasing something inferior. You can gain the whole world and lose your soul.



Your soul can be thought of as your mind, your will, your emotions, and most importantly at times your imaginations. God will spend the rest of your life trying to save our mind from our own wild thoughts.

Some of our will has been worn down my emotions. Our emotional life can be erratic, we make decisions based on how we feel.  Jeremiah tells us the heart is deceitful.

Jeremiah 17:9-10 “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I, the LORD, search all hears and examine secret motives.

Emotions will allow you to feel strong about something, or somebody that is wrong for you. casting down vain imaginations, taking every captive thought. Fear and worry and faith and optimism come from vision, One is imagining the wrong thing, the other is imagining the right thing.

                                                   
The enemy wants to break your soul in order to malfunction the things that God has given us, for us, to be used against us. He wants our life to work against us, same with emotions and imaginations.

One of the greatest tools the enemy wants to use to break your soul is relational injury.

A great example is from the book of Nahum. Nahum gives us insight into how to manage our soul with injury. God brings comfort through a prophetic word from Nahum, not to Israel, but to his enemies of Assyria. The Assyrians were known for psychological warfare; they would decapitate their enemies and put their heads in public places as a warning, and reminder of what they would do to people who got out of line. Israel was a broken people. They were feeling hopeless and I'm sure struggled with anxiety and depression. I think it's safe to say they struggled with crisis of identity and no doubt a crisis of faith. 

They, like us, were dealing with a broken soul. God sent a message through Nahum to convict the Assyrians, and bring comfort to Israel.

Nahum 3:18 King of Assyria, your shepherds slumber; your nobles lie down to rest. Your people are scattered on the mountains with no one to gather them. 19 Nothing can heal you; your wound is fatal. All who hear the news about you clap their hands at your fall, for who has not felt your endless cruelty?

When God says your wound is fatal, He’s saying, It’s over! It’s a revelation of God‘s faithfulness to His word and a commitment to keep His promises. God doesn’t just speak a thing He watches it to make sure what He spoke comes to pass.

God told Israel no weapon formed against you will prosper. He will watch over that word because God doesn't lie. He intervened for Israel and He will intervene for us too.  

God is letting Assyria know it’s over but he’s also letting Israel know, it’s over. To Assyria, your terrorizing days are over! To Israel, your season of being terrorized are over.

Gems I believe God is reminding us today, it’s over! The demons you're fighting, the insignificance of your feeling, the fear you're dealing with, it’s over!

The ending for Syria is a new beginning for Israel. It was a declaration of restoration for Israel, not their stuff, their soul.

Frequently in a season of loss, we become obsessed with recovering the stuff we think is important. 

I lost my client so I have to get more clients. I lost my money so I have to get more money. I have to get another place to live or work, I’m not saying these things are unimportant but you’re focusing on what you can see and not what you can’t,

David says in Psalm 23, He restores my soul. Sometimes we think we're waiting on restoration, and we are already in it. We just don’t have it prioritized the way God does on what needs to be restored.

We could be looking at our reputation, which is not God‘s priority because our destiny is not in the hands of those who misunderstood us or talk bad about us. When God restores our reputation, It will be restored in the minds of those who are critical for our destination!

If they’re mind doesn’t change about you, it means their opinion has no bearing on your destiny.

God is letting Israel know they are about to be delivered and now He will deal with the damage. God‘s work doesn’t end with deliverance, His work continues and deals with the damage.

We can’t go through manipulation and not have any damage to our soul. We can’t go through betrayal and not have any damage to our soul. We can’t go through trauma and not have any damage to our soul. We can’t go through abuse and not have any damage to our soul.

Just because the damage hasn’t hindered your success outwardly doesn’t mean it’s not undermining you inwardly. The enemy is not trying to stop you from winning, He’s trying to stop you from flourishing.




Let me remind you, You CAN be “winning” and not flourishing. You can be bitter and winning, you can be unhappy, insecure, and territorial. You can look successful and be suicidal.

Mark 8:36 For What does a man prosper a man to gain everything and lose his soul.

One of the things we won’t get without God is the fruit of the spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self control, you can have peace with or without a partner, with or without a home, with or without a job with or without food. But you can’t have peace without the healing hand of God.

Some of us have been in pain so long we settle for not hurting. Once the pain is more manageable  we  confuse not hurting with thriving, but God wants to deal with the damage so we can thrive.

Healing requires our participation. We have to silence the shame and the embarrassment. Embarrassment can show up internally, why did I do that? Why did I take that? Why did I allow this to continue so long? Why did I lower my standards to be with that person?

YOU CAN’T HEAL & HIDE

The devil wants to use shame as a weapon of destruction. Adam and Eve dealt with inward shame. They tried to handle it themselves by covering themselves with fig leaves, but we see God even in the book of Genesis,  giving a foreshadow of how God used sacrifice and blood to cover shame, and guilt.

 
Genesis 3:21 21 The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.

You have to let the voice of shame submit to the voice of  Jesus blood, because His blood covers all shame. You also have to surrender sorrow.

Even though we are happy, for a time, to be over where we were, we’re still sad that it happened. I have things that I know God has worked out for the good for me physically and spiritually, but I still didn’t like it. It still really hurt. We still have to deal with that pain, we need to bring all those emotions to God.

Even though God promises to bring good from it, even though it may not hurt anymore, we can still be sad that we were hurt, it’s called grieving.

Grieving is the pathway to healing. There is no reaping joy without sewing and tears. We must surrender the sorrow.

We can become paranoid for a while after a tough season. We can’t be subjected to any kind of trauma and not deal with any type of PTSD. You can be out of “it” and "it" not be out of you. The residue shows where there’s more work to do. 

You are never as healed as you think you are. The devil wants you to be deceived about where you are in your healing journey.  You never try to get to where you think you already are.

You can’t go through all of what you’ve been through without something being left in you.

Lastly, you have to receive the restoration. There’s no way there’s total healing without divine intervention.

Depending on the severity of your trauma. You can give self-care, see a therapist, find coaching or mentoring, but there still may be places where your wound is so deep that in addition to all those things you need a hand that’s long enough to reach your soul to the places man Has not reached. God says in

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Isaiah 59:1 Behold, the LORD’S hand is not so short That it cannot save; Nor is His ear so dull That it cannot hear.

The Lord will bring something to our remembrance that has affected our ability to grow, a trigger if you will. We may deal with symptoms and at times not truly know where the sickness came from, God will deal with our heart issues, BUT we have to be aware that the devil wants to wound us when we are vulnerable. Remember he tempted Jesus after 40 days of fasting

Your wound isn’t random. It’s strategic whatever that initial wound is, the enemy will use people to poke at that wound.

People will say this is just the way I am, but the truth is it’s the way the wound made you. God can put us back on the potter's wheel and reshape us.

Gems next time you get a sneak attack and feel that poke in your wound remind yourself and the enemy: 

YOU CAN BREAK MY BANK ACCOUNTS, MY RELATIONSHIPS, MY JOBS, MY PLANS BUT YOU WON'T BREAK MY SOUL."

God says:
I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am God’s masterpiece, I am made in the image of God, I am forgiven, I am redeemed by God, I am called by name, I am a new creation, the old is gone, I am greatly loved by God, I am His child, I am an heir with God and co heir with Christ, I am a member of God’s family, I am blessed in the Heavenly realm with every spiritual blessing, I am chosen to be part of a royal priesthood a holy nation set apart for God, I am His treasured possession, I am precious to God, I am being built into a spiritual house.

Do It Afraid

 

 

Fear is an interesting emotion; I don’t think it’s a coincidence the command “do not fear” is written in the Bible 365 times. Once for every day of the year, however, we still deal with it. With that said, let’s talk about fear.

Fear covers a lot of ground and has different meanings for different people. There is a fear of spiders to fear of success, the list goes on and on. I’ll let you fill in the sentence.

I am fearful of _________________________________.

 

Fear can save your life, or it can paralyze your future. It can be a subtle tiny whisper in your soul, or it can get your heart pumping and evaporate every bit of saliva you’ve got.

 

The dictionary’s definition: 

An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

 

Fear can have you imagine an entire scenario in your head that chances are will never happen. I heard a saying one time “do it afraid.” I think we can agree fear may or may not be a good thing.

 

In 2014, I was living in Franklin TN. I thought it was a permanent move, but God had other plans and I moved back to Florida. I was living with family members, one being my grandson, Ezra. When I arrived, I was technically homeless, my things were in storage, I had no job, no money and to be honest was depressed.

 

These are some of the statements fear declared to me; You are a loser, You are a terrible example to your kids, You will never have a home, You have no friends, You don’t really hear God, You are an embarrassment.  

 

How’s that for a pep talk!

 

Something the Holy Spirit taught me years ago was if you are drowning in your circumstances throw a lifeline to someone else who may need it. That at times is easier said than done. I’m not saying you should disregard your feelings, some of them were valid, I lost a lot of friends who thought they knew God’s plan for me better than He did. I just knew if I parked here, I would become all the things fear shouted.

 

We lived on a very busy road; it was a cut through for local work traffic so in the morning there was a constant line of cars driving by. As I walked to the mailbox one morning I noticed the faces of the people driving by, they looked miserable. As the cars sped by I saw one rushed annoyed face after another. The Holy Spirit whispered to me, “start Ezra’s ministry now.”  Ezra was around 12 months old at the time, so I thought maybe people were right, I don’t hear God correctly, but it was so clear “bring him to the road with you in the morning.”

 

Fear quickly replied, “are you crazy this is a dangerous road and people drive like idiots!”

 

The next morning, I carried Ezra with me to the edge of the road. I thought for sure people would be yelling at me or blowing their obnoxious horns as there was no sidewalk for safety. I held onto him for dear life. As we stood there, he began to wave at every person that drove by.  People started noticing him before they got in front of us and began slowing down. One stressed face after another began to warm up right before our eyes. They started to wave back and some even honked their horns which Ezra thought was awesome. It was truly a miracle in the making watching God use this sweet boy to bring joy, even if for a moment to His children. 

It became our morning ritual, and we began to see people looking for Ezra so they could wave good morning. We prayed for our new friends, and I had a new sense of purpose. God replaced fear with joy, and I was able to embrace my new assignment. It gave a whole new meaning to God brings joy in the morning.

My sweet Ezra had started his ministry.

Fast forward 10 years… My son and his wife decided that when their children turned 10 they would take them on a mission trip. Ezra was now 10 and the plans were in the making for him and his dad to travel to Mexico.

Instantly I could hear fear, MEXICO!!! Are you crazy you can’t take a kid to Mexico. Fear continued shouting “do you have any idea how dangerous this is?” The list of valid reasons went on and on. To make matters worse the day before they left, a hurricane hit Mexico! I was hoping the trip would be cancelled, surely this was God saying NO. I had to keep reminding myself that his parent are prayer warriors and if God said it was OK then who was I to think I knew God’s plans for Ezra better than God did.

 Hmmmm where had I heard that before?

While they were away my son would send pics and videos of the trip. As soon as I saw these two of Ezra praying over people on the street, I felt an instant poke in my spirit.

           

I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “he started his ministry on the edge of a busy road.”

If we let fear rule our lives, we can miss out on so many assignments God has for us. We always need to be in prayer over every opportunity, but I pray you won’t let fear have the last word. If you know it’s from God, do it afraid.

 

 

Disciplined Disciple

Have you ever noticed that disciple and discipline are very similar? If you don't have discipline you may not be a disciple. What does it mean to be a disciple? This is a really good question and one that you might get several answers on. There are tons of curriculums available along with 10 easy step programs, but what does it really look like to call yourself a disciple? I had the Holy Spirit ask me this exact question recently and I’ll share briefly what I uncovered.

The easiest definition of the word disciple is, pupil. Basically someone applying what they learn into everyday activities.  My advice, before you decide you want to be one,  know what you're committing to. My oldest son always says “read them the fine print before they decide to follow Jesus.”

That may sound like an odd comment but the truth is before marriage we weigh out all the pros and cons of our betrothed so when we say I do, we do.  How much more important your decision making Jesus the Lord of your life!

Jesus doesn’t command us to make converts or Christians he commands us to follow Him and make disciples.

Matthew 16:24-26  Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

Matthew 28:19-20 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

It’s not how much of the bible we know, it’s how much we obey. Living a life of devotion to Jesus is discipleship. We have to ask ourselves how much time do we spend each day reading the bible (the how to manual) to even know what following requires.  Jesus asks us “why do you call me Lord and not do what I say? He expects us to study His words, His works and His ways so we can become like Him. 

Our children watch us and mimic us often, usually when we want them to the least. Recently I was visiting my 3 year old grandson Eli and I was tickling him. He wanted me to stop so he ran away from me, turned back toward me, pointed his finger directly at me and with an authoritative tone commanded “Nana! In the name of Jesus be nice!!”

It stopped me in my tracks. I tried not to laugh out loud but truthfully I was thrilled that not only was he learning from his family, he was applying it  :) 

 Jesus can’t be a part of your life only when it’s convenient, He’s not looking for fans He’s looking for followers. Many people will start excited to grow, learn and serve then something happens in their life that shakes their faith and they decide having Jesus truly be Lord of their life is too much to ask. This fact has been true since the beginning, many of the disciples/pupils that walked with Jesus personally decided His teachings were too difficult and walked away.

Honestly, it’s not  always easy to follow Jesus but the reward is eternal life. The fact is Jesus didn’t just die on a cross and rise to life just so we could go to Heaven,  even though that would be enough!   Christ  gave His life so He could be Lord of mine and hopefully yours as well. 

If you don’t know what being a disciple means, pray and ask God to help you.  Get a bible and start reading it, join a church that teaches the word of God. Become part of a bible study. Don’t just see Jesus as a part of your life, be seen as a part of His.

Mother's and Children

 

Every child you give birth to is special, your firstborn is a brand-new experience that holds more emotions than I can possibly find adjectives for.  We mothers have such influence over our children that will one day grow to be adults. We can use that influence for good or unfortunately for evil.

We start praying for our children before they are even born, and those prayers last a lifetime. God gave Jochebed, Miriam, Naomi, Ruth, Mary and you and I the courage we need to journey forward in His plans for our kids, even when they come as a surprise. 

The early chapters of the Bible are filled with motherhood stories from Eve to Sarah to Rebekah to Rachel and Leah, but we rarely see these mothers interacting with their children. Leah is the only mom whom the Bible mentions as having a daughter. Exodus is the first book that shows a mother/daughter pair interacting.  

Pharaoh commanded that every male child born into a Hebrew family was to be thrown into the Nile River.  Can you imagine what it was like for Jochebed not knowing if she would give birth to another girl or to a boy? I wonder if she talked to Miriam about the fear she carried. I know I talk to my girls quite often about what’s happening in my world.

When she does give birth the Bible is clear that Moses was special.

Exodus 2:2 tells us that Jochebed saw that he was a fine child. She was given a divine insight into her baby boy and it gave her courage. She had the strength to disobey the command of Pharaoh to take her child’s life, instead she hid her baby for 3 months. It is a familiar story that she puts Moses in a basket and places him in the Nile River. It is then his sister Miriam takes a significant risk, she sees a way to reunite her younger brother with their mother and keep him safe. Jochebed fought to save her son, Miriam stepped up to protect him and Pharaoh's own daughter took pity on him and spared his life. All three women played a major role in Moses' life.

God is always doing the unexpected. The story didn’t end with a young prince being raised as a slave but of the slave raised as a young prince. Jochebed’s faith filled her with assurance that God would protect and prepare her child for big things to come, and boy did HE!

(Read Exodus for the full story.)

The point is Jochebed’s love for her son outweighed her fear of a horrific ruler. We will do anything to protect our children, even letting them go, for them to walk out the plans God has for them.

Then there’s Ruth and her relationship with Naomi who became her second mother.   Naomi moves to a foreign land with her family and suffers devastation when her husband and both her sons die. Naomi’s situation became dire as the three men that would keep her safe and secure were now gone. In her desperation and grief, she decides to move back to her homeland. Although she was grieving, she could see God’s hand in her life and she decided to leave alone. She lets her daughters-in-law, Ruth and Orpah know if they had any chance of a prosperous life they should stay in Moab where they could find new husbands.  Naomi obviously loved these women as she selflessly stopped to think about the life they could still have with family, children, and the security of a new marriage.

Too often our society feeds us the poisonous narrative of the hostile mother-in-law, but that is not the experience of many women. I call Alex, my son’s wife, my daughter-in-love and genuinely love her as my own. Ruth moves to a country where she will be an immigrant and stranger because of her desire to remain with Naomi. Naomi was the first person in this story to talk about the Lord, and that became a consistent theme in Naomi and Ruth’s relationship. Ruth was consciously leaving everything she knew behind and clearly choosing to honor and serve the God of Naomi. There was something about Naomi that caused Ruth to want to follow her and her God.

You don’t have to give birth to a child to have a daughter, God started adoption from the beginning. We are all adopted into the family of God.

Now let’s look at a mother and son relationship that has both a positive and negative side. The positive as inspiration and encouragement for mothers seeking God’s will for their children, the negative a clear warning against scheming to help a child “skip ahead.” I have been guilty of both…..

The Bible provides beautiful examples of brave, humble, righteous mothers willing to surrender their own hopes and dreams in favor of what God has planned even when they can’t see the plan.

Rebekah’s life started with incredible promise, but she definitely got off track. She was a bride directly chosen by God for Abraham’s beloved son Isaac. When Rebekah finally gets pregnant, she doesn’t have an easy time and she goes to God in prayer asking for His explanation about the struggle. Rebekah learns she will have 2 babies and they will both represent a separate strong nation.

Honestly, I just wanted my sons to grow up strong, healthy and be able to provide well for their families.

Isaac and Rebekah as parents started using their children as their main emotional connection instead of each other. This is dangerous for them and something for us to look out for. We should not allow our children to take the position of our spouse no matter how much we love them.

You will have to read the book of Genesis to learn the whole story but the gist of it is Isaac loved Esau more than Jacob and Rebekah loved Jacob more than Esau. Rebekah came up with a deceitful plan, to rob her own first-born Esau of his blessing. She puts together a treacherous scheme to fool her husband into giving the younger son the birthright guaranteeing a double portion of the inheritance. What drove Rebekah to such deceitful behavior? God Himself told her that her younger son would be served by his older brother down the line. Did she doubt God’s word? Did she think she needed to give God help?

I hesitate to ask that last question as I know I have “helped” God in the past. I have doubted promises God has given me regarding my children and have been told by my Heavenly Father to butt out.

In this story we see a mother using deception because of her competitive, controlling spirit that would play out, not for good, in Jacob’s future decisions.

Jacob is not a victim here; he was a grown man and in on this shameful plan to deceive, not just some random old man, but his own father.

 I will be honest, there are times when I’m praying to God about my child, and He reminds me they are not children, they are adults.

Our next mother is Bathsheba. The quote that comes to mind when I hear her name is “Oh what a tangled web we’ve weaved.”  You will have to read 2 Samuel for the whole story. 

Condensed version, King David has an affair with a woman named Bathsheba, one of his faithful soldiers’ wives. He then has him killed in battle to cover his sin. Bathsheba gets pregnant and David brings her into his house, and she becomes his wife, however, the thing David did displeased the Lord.  That is a chilling statement!

Later Nathan the prophet calls out King David’s sin and tells him the child he had conceived with Bathsheba would die. Despite all of King David’s prayers the child dies. The story doesn’t talk at all about Bathsheba as all of this is happening. What did she know about any of this? Did she know anything about how her husband died? Whether she did or not, how devastating is this whole story! Her new husband was a liar and a murderer and her innocent child, who had nothing to do with any of the decisions made by his father, suffered for it. I can’t imagine her pain. The grief of her only child wasting away in sickness you can’t stop, in cries that you can’t comfort.

As a mother you have experienced this tragedy firsthand, or you may have walked through it with someone else. Our grief tells God that we cherish His gifts to us, we cherish them so much that we sometimes can’t imagine our lives without them. Too often mothers who lose their children, especially before they are born feel they need to hide their anguish.

2 Samuel 12:24 tells us “Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and made love to her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon.”

This part of her story is when we see her influence in shaping the nation of Israel. She is the only one of a handful of women referenced in the lineage of Jesus. Solomon was not the oldest of David’s sons, but he had favor and when it came to fighting for him Bathsheba was a lioness. Her skills determined Solomon's place on the throne. The difference between her plan and Rebekah’s was she was straight with King David. Her life over the years made her an eloquent, fearless woman who was aware of what was going on around her and brave enough to advocate for her son Solomon.

Bathsheba had a difficult life and her son treated her with respect and honor. He had a throne brought in for her so she could sit at his right hand, the place of honor reserved for the king’s chief counselor.

This position of an honored mother/queen was new. Solomon saw his mother’s devotion for him over the years and it seems Bathsheba and Solomon’s bond may have elevated “the mothers of kings.” When we look at the long list of the rulers of Judah in the Bible, the introduction of each king follows with a new format.

1 Kings 14:21 Rehoboam son of Solomon was king in Judah. He was forty-one years old when he became king, and he reigned seventeen years in Jerusalem, the city the Lord had chosen out of all the tribes of Israel in which to put his name. His mother’s name was Naamah; she was an Ammonite.

From that point on, in every single introduction of a king of Judah, the mother’s name is mentioned alongside the king’s! The term queen in the record of the kings of Judah means, not the wife of the king, but the kings’ mother. Such honor was paid by Solomon to his mom that the tradition of the queen mother was forever established in the story of Israel.

What a blessing for us to be known as chief counselors for our children, giving them wise Godly advice. Sometimes that advice goes against our own plans and desires. I said something to my daughter today that didn't line up with God’s current plan and I had to apologize for putting my hopes before God’s direction.

Whatever your story with your children, my advice to you is, when you’re wrong, always say you’re sorry and make sure to continually say, I love you. The rest will work out because God promises:

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

*notes taken from The Mothers and Daughters of the Bible Speak by Shannon Bream