When Did You See me

 

To begin this jewel I will need to take you to the past. My youngest brother struggled all of his life with mental illness and later addiction. He was on medication from a young age and to say his life was heart breaking is an understatement. He passed away in 2021.

This jewel is not about my brother’s personal life as a whole but of a few incidents I want to share with you from his life. Because of his mental illness my brother was not always dealing with reality and this caused him great pain in his life. He was placed in and out of mental hospitals which led to jails and finally prison. The last prison he was in left him so badly beaten he was eventually put in a nursing home during the pandemic, where he died alone. 

I would visit my brother at the hospitals, jails and prison, it was always a traumatic experience. The prison was the worst. I had to do most of this on my own as our family was spread out over the state. I would have a stomach ache on the 2 ½ hour drive to the prison and would usually cry on the ride home.

During one of my brother’s psychotic episodes he broke into my parents home in the middle of the night. My parents were in their 80’s and I’ll spare you all the details but the event left both my parents wrongly placed in jail! 

It was only by God’s grace I found out. I was living in Mt. Dora FL at the time and they lived in Davenport FL. I got a phone call from one of the women who worked at the jail. I don't know how she got my number because I know my mother didn't have it memorized and I had a cell phone. Only God. She told me my mother had been crying for hours. My parents were in pajamas and were freezing and they didn't have any of their medication. I remember trying to process what she was saying to me as my mind exploded after hearing they were in jail. She gave me an address and I told her I was on my way. I began the 2 hour drive furious and in disbelief. I began to pray. I asked God “what am I going to do when I get there?” I had no idea.

When I pulled up to the Sheriff's office I felt the Holy Spirit say “ask for the person in charge.” A young girl came to the desk and said "How can I help you?" I told her I wanted to speak to the Sheriff. Honestly I had no idea what I was asking at the time. She began asking about what and did I have an appointment? I just kept saying over and over I want the Sheriff. She walked away, obviously annoyed and eventually out of sight. I began praying frantically to God asking, Now What!?

I heard the Holy Spirit clearly say “do you see the Sheriff Department mission statement on that sign above you?”

MISSION STATEMENT

We, the members of the Sheriff’s Office, are committed to excellence in providing law enforcement, detention and public safety services. In partnership with our community, we will serve with integrity, compassion, accountability, and professionalism. 

Ummm yea… "Well when the next person comes to the desk I want you to read it to him.” I didn’t have time to think about His answer when an officer walked up to the desk and said firmly, how can I help you?

I did exactly what the Holy Spirit said to do. I read the mission statement to him then told him I wanted to speak to the Sheriff.

He informed me the Sheriff was out of town. I then asked for the person in  charge under him. The officer told me that was the deputy Sheriff and he didn’t work at that office. I stayed firm listening to the Holy Spirit and then asked him for his name and address as I was going to go to him. He told me to wait then left the reception area.

Gems I was freaking out this whole time! I thought for sure that officer was going to get handcuffs to cart me off. If nothing else, I might be in the cell next to my parents.

He came back a few minutes later with the name and address of the man in charge. 

I drove to the town where the deputy sheriff was, which was another 40 minutes away. When I arrived I gave my name and asked for the man in charge. The officer smirked and said “he’s expecting you.” 

I could feel the Holy Spirit all over me and knew He was in control.

I walked into the office of the Deputy Sheriff and after a few minutes of chatting I knew he was a believer. I explained the facts I had of the situation and he responded with very professional answers. We both knew the young officer that did the deed had messed up.

I told him I respected his position and his responsibility to the department. I then went on to tell him that he and I, as believers, answered to a higher authority and that authority was calling him to release my parents immediately.

He left the office for a few minutes then came back and told me they would be released and I could go back to the jail, 40 minutes away, and pick them up. The Holy Spirit rose up again and I said no, your officer took my parents from their home. You need to drive them back.

He arranged it and they did. 

God moved in a mighty way but it was an emotional experience to go through nonetheless. 

Gems, there are a lot of other encounters, some much more painful, and the truth is they left scars on me emotionally. I have stayed away from situations involving jails since my brother passed away. 

This brings us to the present. As many of you know, Paul and I have a ministry called Renegade Recovery Foundation. We are honored to walk alongside those struggling with addiction of any kind. One of the men we minister to and have built a strong relationship with was arrested. I have been praying for him, however, the Holy Spirit has put such a special place in my heart for him.

The visitation has changed a lot since I was in the jails and I know you have to set up accounts and do video chats and you don’t get to see the inmate in person. I think this is awful for so many reasons but I want to stay focused. With the help of my sweet husband we were able to find out what jail he was in.

I woke up last week and clearly heard the Holy Spirit say “go see my son at the jail.” I’m not gonna lie I had no desire to go to any jail but I knew God was sending me. I got dressed and headed out the door. Again, I had no clue what I would do when I got there or what the procedure was. With no communication available I could not let our brother know I was coming. The feedback from those around me was I was wasting my time. But I knew what God said.

As I started the drive I prayed. I had an immediate stomach ache as a flood of memories filled my mind of the journey with my brother. When I arrived I rang the bell and a voice asked what I wanted. I said my name is Gena and I’m a pastor, I figured I’d try that card first.

The woman asked if I was there for visitation and I said yes. She buzzed me in. There was no one inside the room, only a row of phones. 

I said OK Lord you're on. I picked up the phone and typed in the information I knew. Up came my friend's name and I hit start visit. I could see myself in the small video. The problem was my friend had no idea I was there.

I asked the Lord, how will he know I’m here? The Holy Spirit said hang up and go to the next door. I laughed to myself remembering the Sheriff's office from years ago. So I asked, do you have another sign I can read? As I came up to the door this was on it.

Does God have a sense of humor or what! I walked to the window at the end of the hall and the woman who came up had the most beautiful blue eyes. She asked if she could help me and I just started blubbering. I told her I woke up and God said come to the jail. I went on to tell her I wasn’t even sure if he was still there but I had to do what God said. I could feel the Holy Spirit moving. I told her I had a team of people praying and believed she was the one God would use to help me. I don’t know if she believed or was just afraid of me but she not only found him she arranged for him to go to the area in the jail where he could take my call!!! 

My heart was pounding as I made my way back to the voice box on the wall that felt like the wizard of oz asking what I wanted. I said firmly I’m here for a visit!

I grabbed a phone and once again put in the information and up popped the face of my dear brother.

His eyes filled with tears when he saw me. He just kept saying my name over and over. He told me he prayed all morning and felt like God said HE would send me. He said “I just can’t believe you're really here!” I let him know God was clear that He wanted to love on His son.

He told me he desperately needed money for the commissary as he had no personal hygiene items for weeks.

Because of our generous supporters through Renegade Recovery foundation we not only put money on a commissary account but set up a phone call account for him too.

Unfortunately he can only have one visit a week so I have to wait to go back and see him.

Gems, we ask God if he sees us? Does He hear our prayers? Will He help us, and the answer is yes, BUT, we are the tools that He uses for others.

 I kept thinking of Paul in the Bible and how many times he was in jail, he counted on his brothers in Christ to help him.

2 Timothy 4:13 "When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, and the books, but especially the parchments."

I needed to get past my past and be available to go wherever God waned to send me.

There are times we need to get rid of excess baggage so we can travel on a new assignment for God.

Gems you don’t have to know the "how" just move and allow God to do the hard part. Some of those hard parts are cleansing our wounds so we can help heal another's.

People are in all kinds of prisons, let’s help set them free!

When we do for the least of these we do for Him, and He sees us!

renegaderecoveryfoundation.com