Not Much Of

You know how you have friends that are so close to you that you call them family even though they aren’t blood related? Well Anthony and Amanda (my older children) lost a brother last week to a drug overdose. It was a very sad time for us and we will miss Eric greatly, our comfort is in knowing he is in Heaven.
Eric had a contagious smile and a heart for not only God but for God’s people. He was a good boy that grew into a good man but he had a demon of addiction that caused him to do bad things. My son will tell you that he and Eric both grew up knowing Jesus but Eric “got it” right away about the love of Jesus.
Eric was probably one of the strongest willed people I have ever met including my own children who are EXTREMELY strong willed. You couldn’t make Eric do anything he didn’t want to do but in spite of that strength he wasn’t able to beat the addiction. How can we say a man loved God and had an addiction? How can we say God loved him and he’s in Heaven knowing he died of a drug overdose? I’ll get back to this.
A couple of weeks ago my daugher Amanda took our family to see Alice in Wonderland. There was a line in the movie that really hit me. When Alice first falls in the rabbit hole and meets her new friends they decide she must not be the “real Alice.” They take her to the wise caterpillar that after meeting her says “you’re not much of an Alice.” As the story goes on Alice grows into herself and at the end she meets with the wise caterpillar again who now agrees she’s the real Alice. She reminds him that he told her she wasn’t the real Alice the first time they met and he responds with “I said you weren’t much of an Alice but you are much more of an Alice now.”
That wasn’t the exact line but you get the gist of it. As I said this really hit me and I thought of it for the rest of the night.
I think one of the reasons we get defeated by addictions like drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, personality disorders, sexual addictions you name your demon is because we don’t feel like much of ourselves. And as we know Satan came to steal kill and destroy so he will be sure to tell you if that’s what you’re thinking your right. I knew a man years ago that had a personality disorder that was devouring his family. He told me he knew the beast was killing those he loved but it was his beast and he had to feed it. That my friend is some twisted thinking from the pit of hell. Does God still love this man? Yes, and it’s our job to keep reminding him of it so that voice in his head will eventually drown out the devils.
People buy into the lie that until they become like that caterpillar says, much of themselves, they can’t have the life God meant for them. They have to wait until their good enough to have a relationship with God but you and I know, I hope, that isn’t the case.
Back to Eric. He and my older kids and many that attended the funeral were true hell raisers. They did drugs, some still are, they broke the law, and they were out of control. Most of us were single moms trying our best to raise these kids on our own. Looking around the room it was surreal seeing them grown up and as I said some still stuck in the same pit of despair. This would end as just another sad story if I stopped here but I want to share how God honored Eric’s life, the life He gave him and loved.
Another young man named Eric M got up to speak at the funeral. He was with Eric the night he died. This Eric is also an addict and he and Eric were using that night having no idea how it would end. Eric M got up and shared how he and Eric had been friends since elementary school and how they were kindred spirits from the beginning. Funny he used that phrase because the truth is they shared a spirit of addiction. For the first time in his life he admitted to himself and his family in a room filled with a couple hundred people that he was a drug addict. He said he understood Eric’s constant battle of pain and abuse. He realized that it could have been him we were there to mourn and didn’t know why it wasn’t. He cried and said he was sorry to his family and friends and that he couldn’t beat this thing without the help of a program and more importantly without the help of God. He then told us he was going to a meeting the next day and offered to take anyone in the room who wanted to join him. It was such an emotional moment as others stood and said they needed help too.
Then my son got up to speak. People who know my son today know him as a strong young man who loves the Lord however the people in this room knew him as a cunning drug dealer whose only goal was to make money. He shared some stories of his past with Eric and what he did in his own life. He began to weep and apologized to all the kids in that room because he knew he was part of not only Eric’s problem but others that were there. People he called friends he had given drugs to. He apologized to the parents for the harm he had done to their sons and daughters. He publicly thanked Larry Andrews his soccer coach for being the only man who reached out to him and the other boys on the team including Eric that no one else wanted around.
Anthony shared how Eric “got” the love of the Lord and that until about 3 years ago he hadn’t. He told us Eric understood how much God loved people and that was why not matter what Eric was going through he always loved people.
There were many times Eric would call me and sometimes by his voice I knew he was high but he would say “mom, I got this guy here who needs Jesus. He has some questions he needs answers to so I’m gonna put him on the phone.” I never knew who I was talking to but the point I’m making is Eric knew God loved this addict he was with and had no problem letting him know. Eric was an evangelist to the end.
Anthony challenged all of us in that room to not just say we are Christians but to demonstrate our belief by truly loving those around us. He and Eric M both shared there are only three places drugs will lead, a hospital, prison, or a funeral. Anthony also offered to help anyone in that room that was using to give them rides to treatment and more importantly to introduce them to the love of God.
I know when Eric got to Heaven and saw Jesus he finally became “much of an Eric.” He was made whole and in his Savior’s arms and the enemy’s addiction could touch him no more. I pray we will be part of the solution to the rest of the not much ofs here on this earth so they can experience the love of God while they are still with us.

I love you Eric.