I had a very sweet moment happen at my Bible study this week. Apparently the week before I was sharing a story about my past when my oldest were teens and it made an impact on a sweet young woman in my group.
She told me that when she was going through her rebellious stage she never thought about how it impacted her mom.
This took me back to a very turbulent time in my life so I thought I would share it with you and perhaps give hope to some parents out there.
In 1997 I was going through a divorce. I had 4 children that I was totally responsible for, I had to go back to work and leave my youngest less than a year old with a baby sitter. I had to sell my house, find the job and the baby sitter, find a new home and be the mother of two challenging (to put in nicely) teens.
I have shared with you before about Anthony and his drug days but I want to share a conversation I had with him one day.
We were sitting in a McDonald’s parking lot after he got out of jail and I asked him why he did this to me. I of course felt like it was my fault being divorced not once but twice and having my own share of problems. I had major mommy guilt. What he said took me by surprise.
He said he never thought of me, that I wasn’t even in the equation. He wanted to party and have money, it was about him not me.
WHAT how was I not in the equation?? He was my whole equation. He was my first born, my baby. I dedicated my life to being his mommy. I went to school functions and class trips. I rode rides that made me sick and hosted birthday parties. I went to every soccer game and dealt with smelly boys during their sleep over’s.
I made costumes and graduation cakes. I took prom pictures and stayed up all night waiting for him to come home. I helped with cars and jobs.
I chased drug dealers and got chased by drug dealers. Lost “friends” lost weight and to be honest at times lost my mind.
He consumed me and I wasn’t even in his thought process!!!
WHAT THE HECK!!!!
In a weird way this brought me some sort of comfort. At least he wasn’t on a mission to kill me. Gems you have to realize when your kids are doing drugs or alcohol they are completely selfish and only thinking of themselves. It’s a time when you want to push them away but a time they need you the most. If you don’t fight for your child no one else will.
I spent hours on my face before the Lord praying for my teens with no return on my investment from them at that time.
I experienced tough love first hand. I sent them to New York for a summer to get them away from the environment for a while hoping that would help. They hated me for sending them but I loved them enough to do it. I kicked them out of the house when they wouldn’t line up with the rules; I still had two small children at home that I was raising. They hated me for it but I loved them enough to do it. I left my son in jail when he called to be bailed out. He hated me for leaving him there but I loved him enough to do it.
Gems the hardest thing to do as a parent is say NO. You are only enabling them if you keep trying to “fix” them. You have to let them crash and burn and trust God to do the rest.
This sweet girl told me what I shared made her realize she never saw things from her mom’s side. It was a realization she hadn't considered and I believe a breakthrough in a way for her. Being a mom now and an amazing one at that she sees things different. She told me she called and thanked her mom for standing by her all those years ago. I gotta tell ya Gems it melted my heart.
I remembered my own children having that conversation with me and thanking me and it made it all worthwhile.
I want to encourage you whatever part of your journey you’re in. Make the tough decisions even if your love makes them hate you.
It will be well worth the investment :)
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