I Can't Do This Alone

Well Gems it's time for yet another confession. You see what happened was....
I was at the church on a Tuesday night getting ready to go feed the homeless which I love to do. What I don't always love to do is some of the jobs of the leaders but that's why we have leaders.
We have a dress code requirement for all the volunteers for a few reasons, one we represent the Lord and another is safety issues as we don't always have sober guest. We get a lot of teens who either need to do community service hours or they are doing volunteer work for their college transcript. We also have teens that come just because they love the Lord and want to serve.
On this particular night we had a new group of teenage girls and they were definitely not in dress code. They had on short shorts and low cut tops. It's a delicate situation because I need to tell them the dress code without offending them because we want them to be a part of the ministry (FYI this happens with adults too not just teens) I explained to the girls that we had a dress code and it was for their safety and they would have to change their clothes before leaving.
The Lord had already provided for the situation because before I left my house my teenage daughter Jessica gave me a bag of clothes to give away and in that bag were multiple pairs of jeans and sweat pants that of course would fit these girls.
Right before we left another girl showed up and one of the other leaders handed her a T-shirt to keep the “girls” properly covered. I have never had that particular problem so didn't think to have shirts available :)
We climbed into the van and this group of teens were sitting in the last two rows and they were making negative comments the whole ride to the site about having to change their clothes. I tried to ignore it for as long as possible but just as we drove onto the grounds I hit a breaking point and turned around, with an attitude, and said to the ring leader “listen this dress code is for your safety and if it's a problem for you then maybe you shouldn't come out here.”
Of course there was dead silence in the van and we all got out with an attitude.
The Holy Spirit went to work on me immediately letting me know what I said wasn't a problem but the way I said it definitely was. He told me I should have spoken to the girls in private and lovingly explained to them again how it was for their protection. So I ate crow and went over to the ring leader to apologize for not handling the situation in a loving way.
Gems what happened next I was not ready for. After I pulled the young lady to the side and apologized to her she looked up at me with this sweet innocent face and said “I thought you were calling me a skank.”
This about broke my heart. I took her face in my hand and pulled her chin up to look her in the eyes and told her that couldn't be further from the truth. I wanted her to know just the opposite! That she is a princess in the eyes of her Father in Heaven and He doesn't want anyone looking at her lustfully or misinterpreting what she was wearing as an invitation to come on to her.
Was I ever convicted at that moment of how important it is to speak lovingly to our young girls. We have no idea what they are thinking. I thought if she felt that way maybe the other girls did too. I didn't want them to feel judged in any way so I went over to them and had the same conversation, reminding them how precious they are to God.
Gems it breaks my heart every time I hear a teenage girl talking trash or wearing inappropriate clothes. It also breaks my heart when I hear teen boys talking about pursuing girls to have sex. I want so badly for them to know how important they are to God and how much He values them. I want to save them from all the hurt and heartache I went through by looking for love in ALL the wrong places. I didn't wear skimpy clothing because I was so self conscious of my body but the results were the same.
It's an ongoing battle for us as parents to fight for our kids. And yes there are many teens who know who they are in Christ and have decided not to give themselves away before marriage and we need to be praying for them to stay strong.
Sometimes I think we put so much focus on the ones who have fallen that we don't spend enough time cheering on the ones who haven't.
Being a parent is not an easy job. I'm not just talking about purity issues I'm talking about our teens self esteem as a whole.
Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager? I do and it was very dramatic, everything was so huge to me.
It's especially hard if you have teens that won't talk to you. My Amanda was one of those.
True story:
Amanda had been giving me the silent treatment for weeks and I had no idea why. She would look at me with such disgust and it was apparent how she felt about me. To say I wasn't feeling the love is an understatement. Finally I had had enough I became psycho woman, I went to her high school soccer practice and followed her around the field. I told her I wasn't leaving until she talked to me. She kept telling me to get off the field they were getting ready to practice and her coach was going to get mad. I told her I didn't give a crap about her practice or her coach and I wasn't leaving. She continued to huff and puff but not speak so I did the only thing I could think of. I jumped on her back, piggy back, wrapped myself around her and said I wasn't leaving til she talked to me. I know a bit extreme, I told you I was psycho by then.
Gems I'm not telling you to be a total freak but I am telling you if we don't fight for our kids no one else will. We the parents have to be the ones to remind them daily how much we love them and more importantly how much God loves them. We need to be in their business, who are they talking to, what are they watching. The internet is the devils playground you better be involved.
I have been guilty of doing so much ministry to people outside my home and not making sure I'm ministering to my own kids. If your kids are in a youth group you better be praying for that leader but remember he or she is not their parent, what you say about them is what they will hear.
Just this morning I was praying asking the Holy Spirit to help me with a current situation with my last teen at home. I have to fight for her just as hard as the ones I have raised but I gotta tell ya I get tired. I can't do this alone I NEED the Lord to show me what to do and how to handle situations so I can be firm but not freakish. To guide her Spirit side in a way that helps her grow into spiritual maturity without trying to control her. There are times I just want to make everything all better for my kids but the situation is not mine to fix.
Our kids need us. I think the more they push you away the more they are screaming on the inside “I NEED YOU!”
There is a song by Sanctus Real that was spot on for me, I copied part of the lyrics below. The part that hit me the most is whether your a single parent or a two parent household we can't do this alone!

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone."

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I am called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing dreams that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Christian lyrics - LEAD ME LYRICS - SANCTUS REAL

Gems we can't lead them successfully without being led by God ourselves. My prayer today is that all of us will fight and pray for our kids. If you don't have kids, get involved with someone else's remember, we can't do this alone!