Words On A Page

I have had one of those tough months, just that constant pressure and stress of life. Having four children usually one of them may be going through something but this month all four of them were walking through a growth time. It’s hard to watch your child hurt and know they have to do this one alone and trust God. In the end you know it will be good but it’s the meantime that is challenging.
My heart is aching with the situation with my parents that seems to get worse instead of better. Just to update you, my older brother moved them to Albany New York in a less than desirable mobile home. Their care is less than adequate and although they are dealing with their own decisions it still breaks my heart. My father was cold in Florida I can’t imagine how cold he must be in Upstate New York. I felt robbed by my brother’s decision to take them against the wishes of myself and sisters.
If you’re a regular reader of Gena’s Jewels you know I have a pretty crazy family and have never had a nurturing relationship with my parents. You will also remember my mother has Alzheimer’s and while it was difficult watching her lose her memory we were actually having a relationship. It was like she was meeting me as a new friend and we were getting to spend time together. I felt like I had a relationship with her for the first time in my life. When I came to the house she was happy to see her friend that would take her to the store. I know that may sound weird but it’s how I felt. Now she is far away and can’t see me and has no idea who I am. When I call her on the phone she just babbles because she’s scared, feels alone and has no idea who she’s talking to. It’s like you mourn the death of your parent and they are still alive. It’s a very strange feeling, I know some of you can relate.
My younger brother has fought mental illness most of his life but when I saw him a couple of months ago he was doing great and looked better than I have ever seen him. Unfortunately the enemy has swooped back in and last I heard he is back in a mental facility, again heart breaking. Knowing how all this is affecting my sisters and niece is also hard to handle.
My very dear friend buried her first born daughter and although I know she is with Jesus I mourn the loss for her mom. Each time I talk to her I’m frustrated that I don’t have some magic thing to say that will ease her pain. She too lives far from me so I can’t even hug on her. I love you Jeanine.
I have been fighting migraine headaches which can cause grief when I’m trying to keep up with commitments. I have some other issues but I don’t want to overwhelm you so I think you get the point that I’m on emotional overload!
So here it is Saturday morning I have been up since 5 A.M. with a nauseating headache and I know I have to be at a meeting at 8 ugh! I think about cancelling I figure I can pick any of the above reasons for my decision but I gave my word and don’t want to let the group down.
I show up on time which was a surprise in itself. I looked pretty rough so a few sweet ladies asked if I was OK and offered to pray for me. Thank you Jesus for women who not only say they will pray but do! Part of the meeting is worship. Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t worship? I was drained and the thought of standing to sing and worship was a struggle. As the music began to play the following words were sung:

Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
What could stand against?

I was hearing the words but couldn’t seem to sing out loud. I literally felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I ended up going outside to sit for a moment and regroup. Later I went in a side door and listened from a chair outside the meeting room. As I sat there the Lord said something very profound to me. He said,
“Gena it’s easy for people to fill churches and concert halls and sing songs of worship but unless you really mean them and believe they are true they are nothing more than words on a page”
Wow that hit home! It’s when we’re in the middle of the muck that those words become life to us. It’s not about getting a warm fuzzy when you sing them it’s about taking hold of them like a life jacket when you’re drowning.
He told me something else that was pretty powerful; you know He does that right? He said there were a lot of people that were supposed to be there that day but not all of them showed up.
Please hear me this is not a dis to anyone that wasn’t there I had to miss the first meeting so I know life happens, I’m talking about the not coming just because reason. The Holy Spirit said sometimes he doesn’t convict you or let the enemy make you feel guilty, it’s just you making a decision based on what’s in your heart. He told me many were tested and on this particular day I passed the test by showing up when I didn’t feel like it. I emphasize I passed the test that day I’m not always that obedient.
I sat in the foyer for a bit and meditated on His words then went back in and sang my worship song with a new found confidence.
Nothing in my situation had changed but I reminded myself that I believe My God is stronger than any other and if He be for me who can be against me? What could ever stop me? Nuttin honey :)
I have to share a testimony with you about this day too. In the morning I got a cup of coffee and I noted how hot it was. I really like my coffee hot. Later after one of the breaks I got another cup of coffee and I noted it was hot but not really hot like earlier. No sooner had I thought that a woman bumped into me and I poured my coffee all over my hand and upper arm. The first thing I thought was thank you Jesus that you cooled the coffee down if it were the morning coffee I would have had a serious burn. If my God is for me what can be against me?
Gems I want to encourage you to really search your heart when your singing praises to our King especially when you’re in the middle of a battle and make sure you’re not just singing words on a page. Let those words ring truth into your world.
Trust in your sweet Jesus He is greater, stronger, more awesome than any other and best of all He’s Our God!!!