Scaredy Cat

I recently returned from my second trip to Haiti. Honestly I had not planned on going this year BUT God had other plans. All of my resources have been going to my daughter Amanda’s mission in Uganda so I hadn't saved any money for other mission trips. As the big day came closer my dear friend, Pastor Fritz, kept asking if I was going on the trip. I kept telling him “no” and kind of wondered why he was still asking. I should know by now when the Holy Spirit is making it clear “no” is not the answer He’s looking for.

About 10 days before the trip departure Pastor Fritz asked again “are you coming to Haiti?”  This was that 2x4 slap in the head moment that got my attention.  I explained again I had not saved for the trip and had no funds to go but if God was still asking I would put all my reasons back into His hands.

I agreed to pray for the next 24 hours and knew it would have to be God Himself handing me the money if it was supposed to happen.  I told Pastor Fritz I would talk to my boss the next day about time off but I didn't do it because I really didn't think it was going to happen. To be honest there was a part of me that was OK with it not happening. Haiti was a huge leap out of my comfort zone last year and this year I would go without my kids for security. I hate flying and get very anxious on planes. I don’t like any weird food and it’s hot as hates’ in Haiti. What if I get sick, what if I lose my passport, what if...  I know I’m a wimp.

I usually ask my prayer warriors to pray for me but I only asked one woman, I hardly know, to pray about it. I wasn't going to use my big guns for this obviously “NO” decision. No money, no guilt, no worries.

I did pray about it… “God if you want me to go send money, amen. P.S. Don't feel like you have to answer right away”

Pastor Fritz called about 6:30 the next evening and asked if I spoke to my boss for time off. I said no and he said “you may want to; your ticket is paid for. You just have to get money for food and the hotel.”

What!!!! I’m now getting a bit nervous.

 I called my boss and explained the situation. I told him I was totally OK if he said no as I hadn't asked for the time off in advance and it was such short notice. He paused for a moment and said “I think you are supposed to go.”  Not only did he give me time off he and his wife donated the rest of the funds needed for me to go! I had my answer loud and clear. God if you want me to go send money…

The thing is Gems I was kinda scared to go back to Haiti. I’m getting older and as much as I like to think I have an adventurous spirit  the truth is I’m a lot more cautions than I used to be.  I struggle with not letting fear keep me from doing things God wants me to do. It’s easier to say I don’t have the money than to admit I’m scared. People will let me off the hook if I’m broke but if I mention fear they might question my faith. I don’t want to limit God and in order to not do that I have to take limits off myself. Have you ever felt this way? Like it’s just not in you? Your just plain scared and don't want to do it?

I needed to know that I knew God was sending me on this trip. It was more than just the Lord providing financially.  I needed Him emotionally to walk me through it. I needed to feel Him holding my hand saying come on girl I gotcha.

I needed to hear and see Jesus in this situation so I could put all my fears aside and go to Haiti or wherever else He might be calling me to. I didn't want to miss any experience He had or has for me.

It’s like when the children of Israel were following the cloud by day and the fire by night.

Exodus 13: The LORD was going before them in a pillar of cloud by day to lead them on the way, and in a pillar of fire by night to give them light, that they might travel by day and by night.

They knew it was God moving. However Moses said, if you don’t move we ain’t moving.

Exodus 33:15 Then Moses said, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place.

If God was moving me then I could go, knowing I was in His will and He would take care of everything. This knowledge could overcome any fear I may be feeling.

Gems I have to tell you after all that happened and God was so clear, I was so excited about going to Haiti. God not only provided for me financially He provided emotionally as well.  I wasn't nervous at all on the plane. The group I traveled with was just as amazing as the one the year before and my roommate was a MacGyver type.

 Anything you needed she had, what a blessing thank you Angela. Yes her name was Angela my own personal angel. 

Gems as always I just want to encourage you that if you are truly seeking the Lord the Holy Spirit will speak to you exactly as you need to hear Him. Don’t let fear or insecurity keep you from experiencing God’s faithfulness or keep you from using the gifts He gave you to bless others. It’s OK to be scared just don’t live in fear.

I had so many amazing God moments and was blessed to teach young people about the Lord.

I was blessed to speak into young men’s lives that are hungry for God and make new and lasting friendships.

 I was also blessed to help baptize boys and girls in the most beautiful waters I have ever seen.

 It's OK to go afraid just go with God.
Thank you Jesus for loving scaredy cats like me in spite of our fears and turning us into lions!