Clear As Mud

This is going to be a testimony Jewel, no fun graphics or pictures to share. I'm not sure who reads these and if we have never met I'm not even sure how your name got on my list. The truth is writing is my affordable therapy so if you're reading this I guess you can consider yourself my therapist :)

I'm going to update the journey from exiting my seven month stint in beautiful TN. The Lord told me to leave my things there as I wouldn't be needing them for a while. That made me a bit nervous because in the Spirit world you never know how long a “while” is with the whole 2^nd Peter 3:8

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

It was a bitter sweet move as I loved being back with my kids but was truly sad to leave TN.

I got back to Florida the end of June and was thrilled to meet my newest grandson Josiah. In July I spent 3 weeks in New York with my sister and some much needed time with my mom who is a nursing home :(   Being in New York is always an emotional time for me.

In August I went back to Haiti and loved on my adopted family there and was honored to preach the first service at a new church sponsored by Schools for Haiti. December brought me back to TN for a 10 day assignment in Nolensville then back to Franklin to get my stuff. Why do I always move in mid summer or winter???

Getting my stuff meant loading a 26 foot truck and driving it back to Florida. This was a greater task than I had anticipated. Most of the people I had relationships with in TN were away for the Christmas holiday so finding help was not easy. I contacted a lot of people but I'm sad to say no one offered.

Gems I really struggled with this, I was only asking for 3 people hopefully 2 men to give me one hour of their time to empty a storage unit and the body of Christ was too busy celebrating Christ to actually be Christ for a sister.

I know that sounds harsh but that's exactly what happened. I had a couch at my old apartment that I needed to put on the truck before heading to the storage unit, it's a sleeper sofa so it is pretty heavy. There was no way I could handle that alone or with the help of my friend Cyndi. I had been asking for help weeks before I left FL and the whole time I was n TN but no one responded to my desperate cry.

Now there's something you should know about me, when I'm upset with people I tell God on them... Yes I'm a spiritual tattle tale. So that's what I did and was over it.

The truth is I was terrified of the whole task. The thought of driving that huge truck up and down mountains and back to Florida was terrifying to me.

I had 3 different people tell me they could drive back with me but for some reason the Lord canceled all of them. My friend T-Bone, yes that's his name, offered to drive from Atlanta and at least drive behind me back to Florida but the Lord said no I was to do it alone.....

I had a sit down chat with God and told Him I knew everything I owned was from Him and I would just sacrificially give everything away. I would just tell the local Salvation Army the storage unit number and they could have everything. I praised the Lord that He would just get me more stuff when I needed it. The truth is everything I owned was probably worth less then what it was going to cost to bring it back to Florida soooo technically I was being a good steward. Plus, I wouldn't have to deal with any of it. Yay me I'm so giving! There settled, I went to bed.

BUT God was not settled. I heard the Holy Spirit whisper “you're right I did give you everything you own and can replace it. And IF you were just giving your things away to be generous that would be great but we both know your giving away the things I supplied out of fear. You are listening to the enemy tell you you're not strong enough to do this, it is fear not faith making this decision. So if you are willing to give the enemy your belongings and the special things you have kept over the years go ahead and yes I will replace your stuff but we both know it's not a faithful selfless act on your part it's believing in yourself over the Great I AM.”

OUCH! I hate when He calls me out on stuff. I quickly responded, “you're right, it is fear and I'm OK with that.”

But I wasn't....

In the morning when I picked up the truck I still had no idea HOW I was going to fill it.

I arrived at the complex with my what felt like 100' truck and knocked at the door of my old neighbor Jong, who even though he was sick, offered to help me with the couch, thank you Jesus. I still needed a guy for the other end. Another neighbor was coming down the stairs to take his trash out and I literally blocked his way and begged him to help me. He initially said he couldn't, he was going somewhere, he was taking out trash I knew there had to be a return trip shortly, and like I said I begged him. Honestly even though he was well over 6' tall I think my desperation along with the crazy look in my eyes scared him.

The two of them got the couch on the truck which took a total of 5 min. Like I said neighbor 2 was a tall man who obviously worked out a lot he lifted the couch like it was made of foam. As I thanked him over and over and then a funny thing happened, he looked into my eyes, leaned in and hugged me, a sincere hug. I think at that moment he realized that just moments before he was going to blow me off because he couldn't or didn't want to be bothered by this crazy woman and I was so grateful for something that was not only effortless for him, only took a few minutes. I truly believe the Lord filled his spirit at that very moment, kind of like the Grinch whose heart grew 3x bigger.  I believe in the future he will be more open to helping others.

I started the drive to the storage unit white knuckled reminding myself I can do all things through Christ! The Lord had my back as always and a sweet man named John was at the gate of my apartment waiting for me .

I was feeling better as the two of us loaded the truck which truly took one hour. After John left fear gripped my heart again as I was alone in this beast and there was now no turning back.

The ride in the mountains was awful, every foot I climbed was a reminder I had to come down. At every sharp turn I was sure I was going to tip over. My mind was racing, why didn't I pay attention to how I packed the truck? Did I have all the heavy stuff on one side?

There was a line of angry people behind me as I crept around the mountain. My heart was pounding and I was sweating. I prayed in the Spirit when I wasn't sobbing and would have welcomed the rapture. I had to keep reminding myself, His grace is sufficient. I know it sounds silly but I was so scared. I literally had chest pain for 7 hours!

I prayed I wouldn't hit Atlanta in the dark but because of the amount of traffic that's exactly what happened. Did I mention my mirrors weren't set up so I had a hard time seeing what was going on behind me? Probably best. At one point I had to cross 4, FOUR lanes of traffic to stay on 75 and no one would let me over so I just came to a complete stop. I was one of those people we all yell at. It worked someone had pity.

Seven long grueling hours later I arrived at my much needed hotel and pried my white bloodless hands from the steering wheel. I took a hot shower and a Tylenol PM and went to bed. Day 2 for another 7 hours, it took the power of the Holy Spirit to get me back in that truck. Do it afraid took on a whole new meaning for me. It was better, at least the chest pain was gone.

The Lord told me He needed me to trust Him to get me through this so I would be able to handle the next task He had for me. Not gonna lie I don't even wanna know what that is!

My things are in yet another storage unit as I wait for my next temporary housing. I have been blessed by my friend Karen to stay in her house while she is out of town and have had some temporary jobs to sustain me but God continues to be my financial support. While I was in TN those seven months I worked about 2 weeks. I figured out that the Lord provided over $10,000. for me to pay for all my living expenses while I carried out His plan. 

Isn't it funny I can have complete faith in Him for money but driving a 1000 ft moving truck was so difficult. OK I exaggerated.  I think the reason was that required more of me then I thought I had. Gems we really can do what the Lord asks if we let Him fill us with His power.

It's now the end of March and although I have been in Tampa for almost 9 months I have never felt like I would stay here. I “think” I will be in Florida for a “while” longer but as we discussed earlier there's no telling what that could be.

I desire to have my own place surrounded by my own things like my bed for starters. It can be annoying at times living out of boxes and feeling like you have overstayed someones generosity. Going back and forth to a storage unit because what you need never seems to be where you are. One of my plastic containers is my dresser and a night stand. My car is usually packed with extra clothes in case I don't come “home” for a few days. I try to stay positive and not complain because God is truly so good to me and I am reminded of Jesus own words: Luke 9:58 Jesus replied, "Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

I was asked to go back to Haiti in May complete with a paid ticket to minister, so I began to seek the Lord for direction. My prayer was, God don't let me go because I need something to do for you, send me because you need me to do something for you.

I think we confuse these two factors at times, especially when we feel we have been idle for what we think is too long.

I really needed a word from the Lord because it can be confusing for me. I always look in His word for answers and He always supplies them. At 4 A.M. The Holy Spirit woke me so I grabbed my Bible. I was already reading from Acts so I picked up there, when I got to certain verses I felt a stirring in my Spirit. This is Paul speaking:

Acts 18:21 But as he left, he promised, “I will come back if it is God's will.”

Even though I always tell my friends in Haiti that I will be back, it has to be when God tells me, it has to be His will not mine.
Acts 19:21 Afterward Paul felt compelled by the Spirit to go over to Macedonia and Achaia before going to Jerusalem.

The Holy Spirit showed me I wasn't feeling compelled by God to go I was feeling like I needed to be needed by God not that God needed me.

Do you understand what I'm saying? It wouldn't be bad to go on a mission trip but I would be doing it for me more then the Lord. Yes I could do good stuff but God desires great stuff!

The Lord sad no, I would be busy in May. 

Those familiar winds of change are once again stirring and perhaps busy means I will be moving to my next home in May.  I have no idea.

Selfishly I hope it includes my stuff but either way I will go with anticipation as every journey with the Lord is worth the trip!

So Gems there you have it, clear as mud. I hope this entry has inspired or encouraged you in some way. I'll let you know where I land, please pray for me that I will not get distracted by the comforts of this world and the longing to be near my family.

I'll end with a quote by Beth Moore.

“If Jesus give us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work. I fear, however, that we are so attention deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty is just around the corner.”