Clear As Mud

This is going to be a testimony Jewel, no fun graphics or pictures to share. I'm not sure who reads these and if we have never met I'm not even sure how your name got on my list. The truth is writing is my affordable therapy so if you're reading this I guess you can consider yourself my therapist :)

I'm going to update the journey from exiting my seven month stint in beautiful TN. The Lord told me to leave my things there as I wouldn't be needing them for a while. That made me a bit nervous because in the Spirit world you never know how long a “while” is with the whole 2^nd Peter 3:8

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

It was a bitter sweet move as I loved being back with my kids but was truly sad to leave TN.

I got back to Florida the end of June and was thrilled to meet my newest grandson Josiah. In July I spent 3 weeks in New York with my sister and some much needed time with my mom who is a nursing home :(   Being in New York is always an emotional time for me.

In August I went back to Haiti and loved on my adopted family there and was honored to preach the first service at a new church sponsored by Schools for Haiti. December brought me back to TN for a 10 day assignment in Nolensville then back to Franklin to get my stuff. Why do I always move in mid summer or winter???

Getting my stuff meant loading a 26 foot truck and driving it back to Florida. This was a greater task than I had anticipated. Most of the people I had relationships with in TN were away for the Christmas holiday so finding help was not easy. I contacted a lot of people but I'm sad to say no one offered.

Gems I really struggled with this, I was only asking for 3 people hopefully 2 men to give me one hour of their time to empty a storage unit and the body of Christ was too busy celebrating Christ to actually be Christ for a sister.

I know that sounds harsh but that's exactly what happened. I had a couch at my old apartment that I needed to put on the truck before heading to the storage unit, it's a sleeper sofa so it is pretty heavy. There was no way I could handle that alone or with the help of my friend Cyndi. I had been asking for help weeks before I left FL and the whole time I was n TN but no one responded to my desperate cry.

Now there's something you should know about me, when I'm upset with people I tell God on them... Yes I'm a spiritual tattle tale. So that's what I did and was over it.

The truth is I was terrified of the whole task. The thought of driving that huge truck up and down mountains and back to Florida was terrifying to me.

I had 3 different people tell me they could drive back with me but for some reason the Lord canceled all of them. My friend T-Bone, yes that's his name, offered to drive from Atlanta and at least drive behind me back to Florida but the Lord said no I was to do it alone.....

I had a sit down chat with God and told Him I knew everything I owned was from Him and I would just sacrificially give everything away. I would just tell the local Salvation Army the storage unit number and they could have everything. I praised the Lord that He would just get me more stuff when I needed it. The truth is everything I owned was probably worth less then what it was going to cost to bring it back to Florida soooo technically I was being a good steward. Plus, I wouldn't have to deal with any of it. Yay me I'm so giving! There settled, I went to bed.

BUT God was not settled. I heard the Holy Spirit whisper “you're right I did give you everything you own and can replace it. And IF you were just giving your things away to be generous that would be great but we both know your giving away the things I supplied out of fear. You are listening to the enemy tell you you're not strong enough to do this, it is fear not faith making this decision. So if you are willing to give the enemy your belongings and the special things you have kept over the years go ahead and yes I will replace your stuff but we both know it's not a faithful selfless act on your part it's believing in yourself over the Great I AM.”

OUCH! I hate when He calls me out on stuff. I quickly responded, “you're right, it is fear and I'm OK with that.”

But I wasn't....

In the morning when I picked up the truck I still had no idea HOW I was going to fill it.

I arrived at the complex with my what felt like 100' truck and knocked at the door of my old neighbor Jong, who even though he was sick, offered to help me with the couch, thank you Jesus. I still needed a guy for the other end. Another neighbor was coming down the stairs to take his trash out and I literally blocked his way and begged him to help me. He initially said he couldn't, he was going somewhere, he was taking out trash I knew there had to be a return trip shortly, and like I said I begged him. Honestly even though he was well over 6' tall I think my desperation along with the crazy look in my eyes scared him.

The two of them got the couch on the truck which took a total of 5 min. Like I said neighbor 2 was a tall man who obviously worked out a lot he lifted the couch like it was made of foam. As I thanked him over and over and then a funny thing happened, he looked into my eyes, leaned in and hugged me, a sincere hug. I think at that moment he realized that just moments before he was going to blow me off because he couldn't or didn't want to be bothered by this crazy woman and I was so grateful for something that was not only effortless for him, only took a few minutes. I truly believe the Lord filled his spirit at that very moment, kind of like the Grinch whose heart grew 3x bigger.  I believe in the future he will be more open to helping others.

I started the drive to the storage unit white knuckled reminding myself I can do all things through Christ! The Lord had my back as always and a sweet man named John was at the gate of my apartment waiting for me .

I was feeling better as the two of us loaded the truck which truly took one hour. After John left fear gripped my heart again as I was alone in this beast and there was now no turning back.

The ride in the mountains was awful, every foot I climbed was a reminder I had to come down. At every sharp turn I was sure I was going to tip over. My mind was racing, why didn't I pay attention to how I packed the truck? Did I have all the heavy stuff on one side?

There was a line of angry people behind me as I crept around the mountain. My heart was pounding and I was sweating. I prayed in the Spirit when I wasn't sobbing and would have welcomed the rapture. I had to keep reminding myself, His grace is sufficient. I know it sounds silly but I was so scared. I literally had chest pain for 7 hours!

I prayed I wouldn't hit Atlanta in the dark but because of the amount of traffic that's exactly what happened. Did I mention my mirrors weren't set up so I had a hard time seeing what was going on behind me? Probably best. At one point I had to cross 4, FOUR lanes of traffic to stay on 75 and no one would let me over so I just came to a complete stop. I was one of those people we all yell at. It worked someone had pity.

Seven long grueling hours later I arrived at my much needed hotel and pried my white bloodless hands from the steering wheel. I took a hot shower and a Tylenol PM and went to bed. Day 2 for another 7 hours, it took the power of the Holy Spirit to get me back in that truck. Do it afraid took on a whole new meaning for me. It was better, at least the chest pain was gone.

The Lord told me He needed me to trust Him to get me through this so I would be able to handle the next task He had for me. Not gonna lie I don't even wanna know what that is!

My things are in yet another storage unit as I wait for my next temporary housing. I have been blessed by my friend Karen to stay in her house while she is out of town and have had some temporary jobs to sustain me but God continues to be my financial support. While I was in TN those seven months I worked about 2 weeks. I figured out that the Lord provided over $10,000. for me to pay for all my living expenses while I carried out His plan. 

Isn't it funny I can have complete faith in Him for money but driving a 1000 ft moving truck was so difficult. OK I exaggerated.  I think the reason was that required more of me then I thought I had. Gems we really can do what the Lord asks if we let Him fill us with His power.

It's now the end of March and although I have been in Tampa for almost 9 months I have never felt like I would stay here. I “think” I will be in Florida for a “while” longer but as we discussed earlier there's no telling what that could be.

I desire to have my own place surrounded by my own things like my bed for starters. It can be annoying at times living out of boxes and feeling like you have overstayed someones generosity. Going back and forth to a storage unit because what you need never seems to be where you are. One of my plastic containers is my dresser and a night stand. My car is usually packed with extra clothes in case I don't come “home” for a few days. I try to stay positive and not complain because God is truly so good to me and I am reminded of Jesus own words: Luke 9:58 Jesus replied, "Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

I was asked to go back to Haiti in May complete with a paid ticket to minister, so I began to seek the Lord for direction. My prayer was, God don't let me go because I need something to do for you, send me because you need me to do something for you.

I think we confuse these two factors at times, especially when we feel we have been idle for what we think is too long.

I really needed a word from the Lord because it can be confusing for me. I always look in His word for answers and He always supplies them. At 4 A.M. The Holy Spirit woke me so I grabbed my Bible. I was already reading from Acts so I picked up there, when I got to certain verses I felt a stirring in my Spirit. This is Paul speaking:

Acts 18:21 But as he left, he promised, “I will come back if it is God's will.”

Even though I always tell my friends in Haiti that I will be back, it has to be when God tells me, it has to be His will not mine.
Acts 19:21 Afterward Paul felt compelled by the Spirit to go over to Macedonia and Achaia before going to Jerusalem.

The Holy Spirit showed me I wasn't feeling compelled by God to go I was feeling like I needed to be needed by God not that God needed me.

Do you understand what I'm saying? It wouldn't be bad to go on a mission trip but I would be doing it for me more then the Lord. Yes I could do good stuff but God desires great stuff!

The Lord sad no, I would be busy in May. 

Those familiar winds of change are once again stirring and perhaps busy means I will be moving to my next home in May.  I have no idea.

Selfishly I hope it includes my stuff but either way I will go with anticipation as every journey with the Lord is worth the trip!

So Gems there you have it, clear as mud. I hope this entry has inspired or encouraged you in some way. I'll let you know where I land, please pray for me that I will not get distracted by the comforts of this world and the longing to be near my family.

I'll end with a quote by Beth Moore.

“If Jesus give us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work. I fear, however, that we are so attention deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty is just around the corner.”

Trunk Miracle

My sweet Jesus recently blessed me with a free pottery class! After the initial excitement I was reluctant, I'm not very artistic and couldn't imagine what I could possibly make. Being clueless is where I work best so I joined.  It has been a great experience sharing the class with my awesome friend Sonya.

The class is led by my dear friend Junior Polo, who I might add is an artist.

As always I look for what the Holy Spirit might teach me in every experience. This class brought me a visual teaching to the Bible verse regarding clay.

Isaiah 64:8

But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand.

Not gonna lie, the first day I was totally intimidated by the potential artist that surrounded me. I had to remind myself of a story my friend Betty, another artist, shared with me years ago. It's called the magic of the trunk. We were painting cardboard bird houses and she told me when I got home to put mine in my trunk and take it out in the morning and it would be great.
The theory  behind the madness is your eye will be less critical when you look at your work by itself instead of next to others.  She was right.

Back to class. Junior handed each of us a slab of clay and said we would be making a vase. 

VASE?

Ahh Junior your so cute, a vase, right.....

How is this slab of clay going to turn into a vase? With a few tricks of the trade, which now that I'm a self proclaimed artist I can share with you, it started to take shape. I got excited about my project until I started looking around at other peoples creations. 

Especially Junior's!

Sonya would be a good sport and tell me mine had potential. I would remind myself not to look around and just enjoy the experience. I had a vision of my creation in my mind the challenge was making it happen with my hands.

After we finished molding our vase it was put in a kiln to bake and then we would paint it. Unfortunately the only thing I would do worse than molding clay was painting it.

Junior showed me assorted brushes and colors to use for different effects . I smiled and nodded my head as he spoke, you know the routine you've done it, I stared at him like a deer in headlights. I had no idea what he was talking about.

I just kept telling myself the Betty theory, when it's done it's going right in my trunk.

Gems we can't compare our work to those around us or we lose sight of the potential within us. We are obviously not all artist but that doesn't mean we can't try our hand at it. When we hold our work next to a master of course it's not as good but if we hold it to our ability it's not so bad. Miracle of the trunk :)

As I looked around the class there were no two vases the same. Each one was an expression of the one whose hands created it. It was no longer a competition in my mind of whose was better,it was a celebration of each persons uniqueness.

I took my vase home and marveled at how great I thought it looked. I proudly displayed it before my family and sent pictures to my friends to share in my accomplishment. Not gonna lie Gems I was pretty pleased with myself.

Does it have flaws? You bet. I put too much paint in some areas, I forgot to paint the bottom, my boobs are lumpy and I'm not sure anyone's flesh is that color. There is a crack on the side and last but not least it leaked when I put water in it! But in my eyes it was beautiful!!!

It was then I started thinking about the verse from Isaiah.

God is the potter and we are His clay and HE says we are the work of His hands.

God, the ultimate artist made us! Each of us an original piece of art.

How we decorate ourselves or what we put into our creation is up to us but our original design is perfect! The problem is we don't see our own beauty.

 Who are we to diss God's work of art.

Isaiah 29:16

You turn things around! Shall the potter be considered as equal with the clay, That what is made would say to its maker, "He did not make me"; Or what is formed say to him who formed it, "He has no understanding"?

Perhaps we should all spend a night in a trunk and remind ourselves of who created us, GOD!

Why do we question our uniqueness all the time? I include myself in this question. I struggle at times with who I am. I question God as to why He created me the way I am.

Why doesn't my journey look like most of those around me? Why have you asked me to be so different? Did you mean for me to look like this? Do you like me? Am I normal to you? Do I have a purpose? Am I living my purpose? Why do I sometimes feel like I didn't stay in the trunk long enough? Am I a miracle?

Have you ever asked these questions? If so I'll tell you the answer He gave me and I'm 100% sure the answer is for you too.

Isaiah 64:8

But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand.

The problem isn't the answer God gives it's the lies I believe that cause me to question in the first place.

Isaiah 45:9

"Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker-- An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, 'What are you doing?' Or the thing you are making say, 'He has no hands'?

If my vase could speak and it told me it wasn't a vase I would be like yes you are I'm the one who molded you out of a flat slab and made you into one.

The "normal" purpose of a vase is to hold flowers

but just because I'm a vase doesn't mean I can only hold flowers. Maybe I'll hold pens or be part of a  dress display.I could be a decoration on a shelf or hold lollipops!

 As I mentioned my creation leaked so I could be a dry flower vase or just leave it empty because I think it is beautiful! 

Gems your maker, GOD, thinks you are beautiful. He compares you to no other creation He has made. You are a one of a kind, a unique individual and you have your own purpose.

So I encourage you to celebrate your created self. I give you permission to appreciate every crack and crevice of your design.  If your life doesn't look like those around you throw a party and celebrate your unique design. If you have flaws you created get in your "trunk" and ask the Master Potter

to help you mold them into a healthier you but remember the original design is still the work of God's hand.

Wave Offering

I am always amazed at the people the Lord uses and the way He chooses to use them. I recently encountered one of these moments.

He chose a person that cannot speak very well. He has a caretaker to help him with getting dressed and eating. Honestly he can't do very many things on his own and is pretty much dependent on the woman who cares for him, however, he was used by God right before my eyes. 

His ministry started kind of by accident. I am not his full time caretaker but on this particular day I walked him to the end of his driveway to check for mail. He lives on a busy street so in the morning there is a lot of work traffic driving by his home.

 As the cars passed this little man did the simplest of things, he waved. I was not surprised when the first person waved back,

and there it was, a mission was born.
1 John 3:18 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

We stood there and he waved to one passerby after another. There were small cars,

big trucks

men, women, school kids, garbage men, business men, people rushing to work. Some people beeped there horn to say hello as they zipped by, but what amazed me the most was the instant smile that would appear on their faces.

If you're a person that drives to work in the morning you're either fighting the clock or the traffic either way your feeling rushed or annoyed, but for one brief moment as you passed my little friend and got a wave you were happy, you smiled.

One by one they passed us by and I watched the transformation of their faces from the simplest of acts by the smallest of people. One moment stressed the next moment smiling.

How could they not smile when they came around the corner and saw this

This is my new missionary friend, and I'm proud to say my grandson, his name is Ezra. Of course his caretaker is his mommy, Alex, Nathanael and lil bro Josiah :)

Matthew 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

I bet when they got to work they told their co-workers “I saw the sweetest little boy this morning waving to the traffic.”

The thing is Gems, he wasn't waving to traffic he was waving to people and he was making a difference in someone's day.

I know God has something we can all do He's just looking for someone to plug into. Sadly there are many who don't or won't make themselves available.

I pray today you will look for someone to bless  whether it's a simple wave offering, financial blessing or a hug. Be an offering of some kind for someone today.
Obviously there is no age limit.

Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Planning In Pencil

Paul is a great example of someone who learned to make his plans in pencil.

In his letter to the Philippines from prison he writes Phil 2:19 “I hope in the Lord Jesus to send timothy to you shortly” v 23-24 “Therefore I hope to send him immediately, as soon as I see how things go with me; and I trust in the Lord that I myself also shall be coming shortly."

"I hope"  Paul's not sure it's going to happen, he's not sure what's going to happen with his court date. He "plans" on sending Timothy first then coming himself. Even though he doesn't know what God is going to do he is still making a plan, in pencil. Paul states I'll send him soon God willing and when you say go it will be immediate.

Paul would be ready to move as soon as he got the green light. Paul had a plan but he was willing to wait on God to see if He wanted to change anything..

Paul didn't know what was going to happen but he doesn't sound pitiful or desperate. He's submitted and surrendered to God's sovereign plan because he knows that's more important than his agenda.

Too often we will feel like God told us to do something but if it doesn't happen in the time frame we think is appropriate we either bail or stop getting ready. When that happens the “immediately” part of the plan doesn't happen because we are battling between our time frame and God's perfect timing.

Planning keeps you from becoming stagnant, Paul is ready as soon as God gives him his answer he is ready to move immediately.

Gems I'll be honest with you from the time God told me I would move to TN til the time it actually happened was seven years! I took a lot of grief from people along the way and a lot of negative comments but I never gave up on the plan. In my heart I was always ready. When the Holy Spirit finally said “let's go” it was pretty much immediately.

Then just as quick as it happened it ended, seven months later He spoke again “it's time to pack up, your going to New York, Haiti then back to Florida.”

I'm now back to the, I hope to move shortly, but it's been 5 months and no word yet but I'm ready when He gives the green light. It's not always easy. My things are in storage in TN. I have as many clothes as I could fit in my car and I'm always looking for something that's still in storage. I left furniture with the sweet couple that sublet my apartment and have to get it by the end of December and I have no idea how that will happen. 
I do know that when I start trying to plan how all that will happen I get stressed and I'll tell you why. When I plan too far down the road the Lord is not there with me, I'm trying to do it all in my own strength and abilities.

I have heard many times that this life style only applies to some people, strange people maybe even unstable people but I say if you are a believer in Jesus Christ it applies to you. Yes the journey may be different but the same Holy Spirit speaks to us all its just some listen and some believe they have a better plan. Not everyone will allow their heart and mind to change. We can usually
tell when we are in the presence of God the hard part is knowing
where you are going with God. 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God. God will be constantly crossing our paths and canceling our plans by sending us people with claims and petitions. We may pass them by, preoccupied with our more important tasks, as the priest passed by the man who had fallen among thieves, perhaps — reading the Bible. When we do that we pass by the visible sign of the Cross raised athwart our path to show us that, not our way, but God’s way must be done. It is strange fact that Christians and even ministers frequently consider their work so important and urgent that they will allow nothing to disturb them. They think they are doing God a service in this, but actually they are disdaining God’s “crooked yet straight path” (Gottfried Arnold). They do not want a life that is crossed and balked. But it is part of the discipline of humility that we must not spare our hand where it can perform a service and that we do not assume that our schedule is our own to manage, but allow it to be arranged by God. -

When you plan in pencil and not stone your available to other doors being opened or closed. It keeps you from breaking down doors yourself that weren't meant for you to go through.

Back to Paul, it was a desire of his heart for a long time to go to Rome.

Romans 1:9-15 The Message

8-12I thank God through Jesus for every one of you. That’s first. People everywhere keep telling me about your lives of faith, and every time I hear them, I thank him. And God, whom I so love to worship and serve by spreading the good news of his Son—the Message!—knows that every time I think of you in my prayers, which is practically all the time, I ask him to clear the way for me to come and see you. The longer this waiting goes on, the deeper the ache. I so want to be there to deliver God’s gift in person and watch you grow stronger right before my eyes! But don’t think I’m not expecting to get something out of this, too! You have as much to give me as I do to you.

13-15 Please don’t misinterpret my failure to visit you, friends. You have no idea how many times I’ve made plans for Rome. I’ve been determined to get some personal enjoyment out of God’s work among you, as I have in so many other non-Jewish towns and communities. But something has always come up and prevented it. Everyone I meet—it matters little whether they’re mannered or rude, smart or simple—deepens my sense of interdependence and obligation. And that’s why I can’t wait to get to you in Rome, preaching this wonderful good news of God.

He does finally get there because it was God's plan for that to happen, but guess what? I'm sure it didn't happen AT ALL the way he thought it would. The Bible tells us in Acts Paul gets beat up by a mob, thrown in prison, endures an earthquake, is shipwrecked on an island and finally arrives in Rome in chains.  If the Holy Spirit would have shown him all that was involved I'm sure he wouldn't have been as eager to get started.

 Gems I don't know where you're at in  your journey right now. You may feel the Lord's presence, you may not. You may know that you know you're where your supposed to be or you may be asking daily where am I going? Whatever your doing don't get stagnant keep planning in pencil and keep your heart open to the Holy Spirit and you will end up right where your supposed to be, in the center of God's will.

Remembering Victor Vasquez

Two years ago my friend Stacey's only son was killed in a freak accident. It has been a really hard 2 years and saying life will never be the same is an understatement.

A couple of weeks ago we had to go to the final sentencing for the young man that took Victor's life. Part of the process, for lack of a better word, was a time for family and friends to share their thoughts about Victor with the Judge before he gave his final verdict to the young man who was charged with the crime.

When Stacey told me about the letters that would be read, she would be writing too, my first thought was how can she or any of us put into adequate words the plethora of emotions we all felt. How do you put a broken heart into a letter?

As I entered the court house I had an instant flashback of Victor's funeral service. There were so many people lining the walls of the hallway . So many of Victor's friends huddled together once more to experience yet another emotional ride of unbelief. Many of these young people have graduated and gone on to college but they made a point of honoring both Victor and his mother and coming home for the final sentencing.

In some ways it was like the final moment we would share as a group with one common hurt, the loss of a loved one.

I sat next to my daughter Jessica who is the same age as Victor if he were still alive. My stomach was in knots and my heart ached for Stacey and her family. Stacey was the first one to go up to the podium and address the judge and read her letter.

As you can imagine we were all in tears as she spoke and gave us just the slightest indication of the unbearable grief she is living with. Next her parents, Victor's grandparents....

One by one each person shared the void that was left in their lives from this senseless crime. 

When it was my turn Jessica came up with me, this was my heart in words.

My daughter Jessica and I met Stacey and Victor while volunteering at a local soup kitchen. We were both single parents with kids the same age so it was only natural that we would bond. Before long we moved into the same apartment complex with Stacey and Vic and the four of us started doing life together. We had become family, Friday night dinners, volunteering, attending church and youth group events, cheering for Vic at football or wrestling events or just spending time alone together growing as friends. Stacey and I shared our concerns for their future, our prayers for good friends and advice on how to raise them in a single household. We were dedicated to being the best moms we could be for our own child and each others.

I can't begin to express the horror of getting the phone call that Vic had been involved in a hit and run collision and ironically he wasn't even driving, he was in his parked car! In a blink of the eye it was over, Vic was gone.

The heart ache of seeing my best friend's world explode was a pain I had never experienced. Not only did she lose her son, she lost her ONLY child through no fault of hers or Victor's.

The loss of Vic impacted the whole community but the loss of Stacey was not something we recognized at first.

Every life event that would happen for Jessica, the same age as Victor, could no longer be shared with Stacey without a shadow of pain and despair that loomed over it. Buying class rings or cap and gown for graduation. Walking across the stage and receiving her high school diploma, graduation parties with friends and applications for college. Every one of these anticipated events that Stacey and I would have shared together as mothers and friends was now another painful reminder that Vic's life was snatched away from him and his future gone.

Every story, every memory we shared was made up of 4 people Stacey, Victor, Gena and Jessica. For Stacey even seeing us is a constant reminder that half the picture is missing. A reminder that far too often continues to rob her of peace never mind joy, a reminder that robs Jessica and I of being with Stacey and the dread of knowing there will be no future memories with Victor.

But what about the future? Victor was Stacey's only son. There will be no college graduation. She will never experience his first real love, the girl he will want to marry. Picking out engagement rings and making wedding plans. There will be no mother son dance or family dinners with the new in laws.

My friend will never experience the joy of knowing Victor will have his own son or daughter or holding her first grand child. There will be no more birthdays, mother's day celebrations or ANY grandchildren events.

But a tragedy even greater than all of the above is the fact that the pain of all these hearings and court dates, of facts and testimonies, of letters and sentencing WILL NOT bring Victor back. Stacey Vasquez will leave this court room without her only child, Victor Vasquez. A sentence will be read, the courtroom dismissed the friends and family will leave and Stacey will still go home without her son. Victor's voice will never be heard again and we will all continue to grieve the loss of two lives and an entire generation.

The only sense of comfort for Victor's mother, his grand parents and the rest of his family and friends is for our judicial system to handle this horrific situation with honor. For crimes to have penalties that deter others from committing the same acts so that other families do not stand before you, or find themselves writing letters that in no way truly express the magnitude of pain and grief for what has happened. That life still matters and there is a cost for taking it.

All that is left is to continue to pray and remember the lives of those we have lost in such a senseless way and hope my friend learns to how live not just exist with half her heart.

Jessica and I went back to our seat and listened to those who went after us. I started looking around the room and noticed something so odd. It was the 

people that were wiping tears from their eyes. As you can imagine family and friends but it was the deputies that caught my eye. These men have no doubt heard many horror stories in their line of work yet here they were openly crying as each letter was read. I then looked over at the inmates lined up in their orange jumpers handcuffed and weary and they were crying too. There was an inmate on the end that was just sobbing.

These people didn't even know Victor. Unfortunately this was not an uncommon case, a drunk driver killing an innocent person, but here they were weeping.

I asked the Lord about it and He showed me a common thread in each of the letters that were read.  I realized each of us talked about our faith and prayer. Victor was a believer in Jesus Christ and his life showed it. The Lord showed me that even though 2 years had passed Victor's life was still bearing fruit.

The Holy Spirit was moving not only among His people but to the lost that surrounded us. The reminder that God catches every one of our tears and our lives matter to Him. With God forgiveness is possible, second chances are possible and that His love in unconditional. The open display of emotion by these "strangers" can only be explained by the power of the Holy Spirit.

At the end of the trial even the judge commented on what transpired that afternoon. He stated that Victor was clearly a young man that had a positive impact on our community. He asked each one of us to allow Victor's memory to continue by sharing the tragedy of driving while intoxicated. For us to live the motto of friends don't let friends drive drunk. To share our personal testimony of a life destroyed by careless drinking.

Victor was an amazing young man and he will be greatly missed. I would ask that you help us keep his memory alive by not drinking and driving and don't let your friends drive buzzed. 

We left that day with no great feelings of triumph or victory but I know that seeds were planted and I'm praying for those seeds to take root in every person that doesn't have a relationship with my sweet Jesus. I'm praying that lives will be transformed and new fruit will come from it. I left with the reminder that only God can make something good out of the worst of tragedies.

The emotional day ended sharing a meal together, supporting each other and allowing God to continue mending our broken hearts. Stacey was surrounded by people who love her and the knowledge that because of what Jesus did on the cross she will meet her son in Heaven. Until then Victor will live in our hearts.

What Happened in Haiti?

I recently returned from my fourth trip to Haiti. I was honored to once again travel with Schools for Haiti as part of their ministry team. I was also honored to serve with these amazing people.

On this trip the Lord shook things up for me. God showed me I was becoming a paper person. 

I had drawn a picture in my mind of what the mission would look like and what we would do based on what we had done before and assumed was working.

On each trip I am blessed with an interpreter that obviously translates what I'm saying in English to Creole so I can communicate. This past trip I was blessed to once again minister along side Gerald.

It had become kind of a joke between the team that I could ask Gerald to translate “good morning, my name is Gena” which took a few seconds for me to say and the translation seemed to go on for so much longer. I wondered, what is he saying?

The thing is I never knew exactly what Gerald was saying and this is where God shook things up for me.

Through a chain of events that can only be orchestrated by God Himself we met a sweet Haitian couple, St. Mark and Bridget, from Atlanta that just “happened” to be staying at our hotel.

Bridget decided to join us at Vacation Bible school and we were excited to have another translator on board. Me again, being the paper person, was thinking about her translating English to Creole.

As Gerald got up to give the greeting I laughed to myself thinking how long “good morning” was going to take to say. As Gerald began to speak I leaned over to Bridget and asked her what he was saying.

And so it began.... Every time Gerald would speak I actually got to hear what he was saying. His words were beautiful and so full of love and excitement for the children. I had a whole new appreciation for this man of God. 
It didn't stop there, I would also ask her what the children were saying. I was blown away by what I was hearing, we came there to share Jesus with these children but they had a deeper knowledge and love for our sweet Jesus than we realized. It was humbling to say the least.

I realized that we had an agenda based on our experience with Western children that needed constant stimulation. We had games and videos, crafts and skits, snacks and music. Not that any of these things are wrong but how we used them may have been.

For example it goes without saying it is HOT in Haiti! When we were all packed in a small area and WE were sweating to the point of feeling sick it didn't mean the kids were. They were used to the heat and having children sitting so close they were touching. They were OK.

We are all about our space but they are not offended by not having “acceptable personal space.” You know how we are, if there's a row of seats there is usually an empty seat between people and an unspoken rule that you only sit there if there is NOTHING else available. Even if it means separating you from your friend.

We have to be told to move over even in church services to make room for late comers.

I want you to get a mental picture of the scene. At our last school we showed up expecting maybe 70 to 80 kids and ended up with at least 200 children!!! 

Just children not counting parents and older kids. Getting 200 kids all seated is a task on it's own Western or Haitian.

We give out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches after we get the kids seated,for many of the children it may be the only meal they get that day. (we make an assembly line and make hundreds of sandwiches each morning)

My paper person wants to get all the sandwiches to the kids then immediately do something while they are eating. A song a video, start speaking, but the Holy Spirit kept reminding me, ask Gerald what we should do next which I did, and he would look at me confused and say we will eat. Should we sing? Yes after we eat.

For these children if we started another activity while they were eating they would think they needed to be finished eating and start cramming the sandwiches into their mouths. They were OK with just eating without being entertained, enjoying the blessing we had just thanked our Lord for.

Just eat. What a concept.

Later we were teaching the children a Bible verse in English. They love learning English and learn so quickly. They wanted to say it over and over but again we were applying our western thinking and trying to push them onto the next activity assuming they were bored, they weren't. Gerald had to remind us again that the children weren't done. I'm sure that God Himself was so enjoying hearing the sweet voices of his little children speaking His word in two different languages. I bet if He had a refrigerator in Heaven each one of their pictures were on it from this very day.

With the go ahead from Gerald our team got busy figuring out the next activity with the understandable chaos all around us. While the children waited Gerald was letting them come up to the microphone and speak into it, something most of them had never done before. Bridget pulled me over and once again translated what they were saying and I was again blown away. A little boy, could not have been more than 8 years old, was praying the most powerful prayer I had heard since I arrived. He was speaking a revival for Haiti! That Jesus would bless Haiti and his people. That they would live for God and be Holy. 
Here we were trying to entertain them with a silly video and they were praying for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit!

Gems I'm not telling you this to say we did everything wrong. I'm sharing this because God was trying to teach us something so we could be more effective with our time there. There is nothing wrong with having fun and sharing “Western” things with the Haitian children. Honestly seeing their faces when they saw a video for the first time, even if it was on a cement wall and poor quality, was awesome. I felt so blessed to be a part of that. The excitement was contagious.

But these kids could definitely share some things with us. It was a great reminder that we had to meet in the middle and really listen to what the need was for the Haitian children not our well meaning Western agenda. We, I, needed to slow down and listen.

The memory verse God gave us for the children was

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come

which we shortened for learning sake to

I am a new creation in Jesus

The Lord reminded me that speaking His word over His children would have an eternal impact. His word was more important than a new song a snack or playing soccer.

One of the many things I love about Schools for Haiti is their love and dedication to children. They make it possible for children to go to school. In case you didn't know school is not free in Haiti as it is here in the United States.

Not only do they build schools they sponsor children to attend for free and PAY teachers a salary to teach.

They put love in action by providing uniforms, books and food. They incorporate the love of God to the children and remind them they are not forgotten. Schools for Haiti is Jeremiah 29:11 in action.

Gems I guess the moral of this story is whether God sends you on a mission to another country, another state, another neighborhood, or your own family, leave room in you your agenda to hear the Holy Spirit. 

gil@schoolsforhaiti.com
We limit our trips to 15 people so if you are interested in joining us on one of our trips, please contact us at gbailie66@gmail.com. If you can not join us please consider making a donation to help support someone who is going.
Gil & Bonnie Bailie