Love Language

Many of you may have heard the phrase “love language.” Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. If you have not read it I suggest you do. The five love languages are broken down by Mr. Chapman as words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
I think we possess all five of them; however one may be needed more than the rest depending on what’s going on in your life at the time.
When my kids were younger and all lived at home it was very difficult for me as a single mom with no help. An act of service was a huge love language for me. If someone mowed my lawn or helped clean the house without me asking I was beyond thrilled. Now my love language would lean more toward quality time. Don’t get me wrong I always love gifts so feel free to shop for me any time! Speaking of gifts let me tell you about my Mother’s Day.

I had an absolutely great Mother’s Day! How my children expressed their undying love and gratitude to me was not expressed the same way.
If you have more than one child you know one kid can be so different from another and mine are no exception.
I was blessed to have spent the day with all four of my children and this is the usual scenario from them.
My oldest son will usually get me a card and flowers on his own or if he’s with my oldest daughter they will get them together and then my oldest daughter will add a little something just from her. My youngest daughter always gets a card and something special whether it’s bought or made. Then there’s the third child… I only get a card with his name on it if he gets the youngest before she seals hers and he adds his name to it. If he’s not there when she buys the card he’s out of luck. He was out of luck this year.
I have been known to guilt him into doing some kind of chore for me on Mother’s Day but it usually involves an argument. This child is also capable of going the longest period of time without any contact between us so the no Mother’s Day token can be hard for me to handle.
Now you may be thinking I’m publicly dissing my son and any proper parenting article will tell you I’m doing a bad thing.
When has that ever stopped me?
I have wondered if he was switched at birth. How can a child of mine not know how important gifts, no matter how small, are to our family? How long has this kid known me?
We do have things in common. He has a gift for communicating in writing and we have the same wild hair and same color eyes. The truth is although my third child is the most different of the four children he’s also the one I have learned the most from.

Here is the point I want to share with you.
I got the card and flowers from the older two and my daughter made an awesome dinner. My oldest son also washed my car and gave spontaneous compliments through out the day. My youngest also got me a card and bought me a special gift. Child number three? Notta….
I could have made him feel like crap and compared him to his siblings or just got ticked off and wrote him off the rest of the day. That was an option. Other moms would have sympathized with me and agreed he was inconsiderate BUT I decided not to. Remember every reaction we have starts and ends as a decision. That reaction would have just made us both miserable.
Truth is I knew he probably was going to be empty handed so I decided to give him an out. I did let him know doing something on his own would have been nice however, he could still redeem himself. I gave him the envelope from one of the cards and told him a personal note would be accepted and appreciated.
By the end of the weekend he handed me the envelope with a sweet sincere hand written note on it. This is what it said:
“I’m so glad that I have such an amazing and strong woman as my mom. None of us would be the people we are today without your wisdom and love guiding us along through the years. I’m so thankful to have you in my life; all of our lives have been blessed because of you. I love you mom.”
Hang on I need a tissue.
Remember this is not about comparison on which kid said or did the best thing. I loved everything all 4 of my children did for me; it’s about the language of love.
If I had slammed him I would never have gotten this beautiful note that he had to take time to think about and write.
His love language is physical touch so if I were mad at him I definitely would not have been expressing my love for him with hugs and kisses.
We always have a choice in how we react to each other. I think it’s important for us to know the love language of those we are closest to whether it’s a spouse, child, or good friends.
Satan loves to mess with our emotions so let’s not give him any ammunition.
Jesus freely gave us all five love languages. We get words of affirmation from the Bible, quality time if we spend time reading and praying. Receiving the ultimate gift of salvation, meaning a place in Heaven with Him, because of His act of service on the cross for us. And last but not least we get physical touch here on earth when we become the hands and feet of Jesus and love on each other.
Don’t just expect your love language be the love language.