Wednesday, December 13, 2023
Are We Home Yet
Tuesday, September 5, 2023
Successfully Suffering
Suffering, not a popular opening for any blog, sermon or motivational speech, however, a definite ingredient for a Christ centered life.
According to https://bible.knowing-jesus.com the word suffer in the bible appears 240 times.
Let's use Paul as a suffering example: From the Jews, 5 times he received flogging. Three times he was beaten with rods, once stoned, three times shipwrecked, and one night and day spent in the ocean. He dealt with perils of water, robbers, perils by his own people, perils by non believers, perils in the city and in the wilderness and accusations from false prophets. He was weary and in pain often hungry, thirsty, cold and naked.
When Paul thought about going to Rome he probably thought he would go as an evangelist but I don't think he realized he would go as an evangelical prisoner. The thing is being in prison is what saved his life from the constant mobs who were trying to kill him. Technically the very people who incarcerated him were also keeping him alive. So when it comes to suffering my daughter Jess says "we get it Paul wins!"
Sometimes the very places we are complaining to God about having us in are the very place that is saving our lives.
Wednesday, August 2, 2023
Epiphany
That's right, I had an epiphany today. Now before you get too excited it's going to be one of those duhh moments.
"Clear as the nose on your face" |
You are literally going to slap your forehead and say "it took you this long to figure this out!"
Ok, here comes the confession. "Hello my name is Gena and I'm a control freak....."
Phew, glad we got that out of the way. Now let me explain.
Recently my family was given some pretty devastating news regarding a loved one. The way I found out was via text. The message came from a family member, however, it came on a group text and the rest of the group were friends of the family member. My initial "feeling" was, are you kidding me! I get a message about something so serious on a group text! Not even with other family but friends who don't even know the person! I was taken aback but mostly hurt.
Soon after receiving the news this way I started getting busy. I did laundry, dishes, made the bed, took out trash etc.. I realized (epiphany) that when I feel something is totally out of my control I get busy, usually cleaning. It's probably why when I'm stressed my kids invite me over. I need to feel in control over something when I'm out of control of anything, and this is my go to. I know duh, but it really came to light for me at that moment.
After stewing for a while and getting on myself for making me the issue I went to God. *Reminder He is The Spirit of truth*
The Holy Spirit asked me why I was bothered by how I got the news. Now, when the Holy Spirit asks you ANYTHING it's a good idea to think before you speak 😉
I had to get naked before Him and really analyze, why was I feeling like something happed to me. Why was I really hurt about the text. He was about to show me that nothing happened to me, something happened for me.
I confessed getting the news that way made me feel like I wasn't important enough to hear it personally, as a valued family member and not just a name on a group text. This of course is a wound from how I was raised and has nothing to do with the family member who sent the text. They didn't do anything wrong, again, God chose to use this for me, not to me.
The Holy Spirit showed me that I still had a wound, with a scab on it, that could easily be picked and made to bleed. It was because He loved me that I needed this reminder that my value and worth are not based on people but on Him.
Gems, people's opinions change like the wind. Read any tabloid, one day your a super star and the next day a nobody.
Just ask Yeshua (Jesus) about this kind of thing. One day people are laying palm branches down before Him and the next they are yelling crucify! He also understood the pain of family. The bible tells us in Mark 3:21 When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, "He is out of his mind." He understands every wound and emotion we have and His desire is to heal them all.
This situation gave me an opportunity to allow God to restore, not just bandage, an old wound. I'm sharing all this with you Gems because God needs us to have a pure heart in order for Him to use us.
The assignment I'm on right now comes with a great deal of spiritual warfare. It is constant. One example: I have shared with you that I'm facilitating bible study at a rehabilitation center. At this time God is moving in such a compelling way in the lives of 10 specific men. It has been so powerful the enemy has tried to split them up. The first plan he tried failed, thank you Yeshua, so he went another direction and it's currently working. He may have won the battle but God will win the war!
If I had resentment, anger, need of acceptance from man or anything else that would clog the communication to the Holy Spirit I would be fighting in my power and not the Holy Spirit. I would fail miserably. I have to start and end everyday on my knees.
I'll be honest with you, today I just wanted to stay home at Yeshua's feet and let Him hold me. I didn't feel like praying or helping anyone or even talking to anyone for that matter.
I have no problem picking Yeshua over work but I'm also dedicated to fulfilling commitments. I prayed and asked God if He would let me stay with Him or did I have to go back to battle. It was the latter so I pulled myself up and got ready for work. I knew that I had nothing to offer so that meant it was going to be a dynamic day and trust me I was not going to miss a front row seat at Bible study and witness God's wonder working power!
He didn't disappoint. As I walked through the parking lot to the entrance I saw a young woman entering as well. I clearly heard the Holy Spirit say "pray for her." *Reminder I could hear clearly because I addressed the unhealed wound above.*
I was a little hesitant but obeyed. I asked if she needed prayer and of course she did. She was so thankful to know God was not only listening to her but wanted to answer. I felt a flood of confirmation myself that I discerned the Holy Spirit correctly to go to work. I continued on with a spirit of expectation.
The group started out small and I was thankful BUT God was not. He brought in new people that arrived the night before who had an ordained appointment with The King. I have no words for what happened next! We literally applauded several times during our study of Acts 8. I actually have chills as I write this and remember the moments. The Holy Spirit gave such insight verse after verse of how the message applied to our current lives. I was just as awed as they were. They repeatedly thanked me for the insight I was giving and I kept telling them I was just the vessel, we were truly in the presence of The Almighty.
Again Gems, I was being used as a conduit because I allowed the Holy Spirit to have a tough conversation with me. Confessing and repenting of my wounded heart was what allowed the Holy Spirit to use me at all.
It may have appeared to the enemy when he saw me on the floor in my room that I was defeated. he was about to have an epiphany!
Friday, July 21, 2023
Deficient Disciple
Don’t you hate it when you're looking for a job and you read the description and you think, I got this, then you look at the qualifications needed and you find you are apparently unqualified for the position. A job you have actually been doing for years or could figure out without a Masters degree. It is very frustrating.
In the Spiritual realm, it’s actually a preferred job qualification to be deficient.
Lemme splain.
I am currently working, and I use that term loosely, at a facility for individuals affected by mental illness and substance use disorders. The company asked me to conduct a bible study a few times each week, this seemed simple enough, as I have been facilitating bible studies for years.
I soon found out it’s not at all like the bible studies I have been a part of before. I have now entered the deficient disciple category.
First challenge was realizing that this is a short term facility so my attenders change frequently. Do I stop and start over and over, or keep going? Next, sometimes they are medicated and can’t stay awake. Do I keep talking? Some are pretty knowledgeable about the bible and some have never opened one. How deep do I go?
My new friends have questions like, why is her bible different from mine? What page is it on? What’s a Holy spirit? What denomination is this? What about muslim? Where was God when I…? Etc.
Another challenge is staying focused.
I sometimes have the attention span of a gnat. I can get sidetracked easily and lose my train of thought like my life depends on it. We meet in the cafeteria so there are employees coming in and out for drinks. The attendees also get up and down for drinks or to use the restroom. There can be more than one conversation going on at times, or announcements over the PA system or unusual proclamations, that’s all I’m going to say about that.
Then there is the dreaded “smoke break.”
This is a major dilemma!
This is when a mass exodus happens and I lose almost everyone. People don’t play with smoke breaks. Do I keep going for the ones remaining or do I wait for the rest to come back?
Many of the clients share very personal testimonies of how they ended up there. These stories can be shocking or just plain heart breaking. My emotions were all over the place! Sometimes I would go home crying and just lay on my couch completely depleted.
Like I said it is not your mama’s bible study. The first few weeks I really struggled. I had a brother with mental illness and have volunteered in mental hospitals, jails and soup kitchens over the years so I “thought” I could figure it out, but this was different. I was in over my head.
I am a relationship person but it’s hard to build a rapport in a few weeks. I also struggled with not totally understanding addiction. I watched YouTube videos to help me relate better and learned that addiction was actually a disease.
I ask the clients questions to better understand where they are coming from as well, but trust me the enemy is all up in my business. The spiritual warfare is in full force and I have to make sure I am prayed up and have covering from family and friends. The good news is there are other believers there, including my sweet husband, that are also claiming the facility for Yeshua (Jesus.) It's comforting to know you are not alone.
Recently I was feeling overwhelmed. I was carrying things in my own strength and allowing the enemy to convince me that I was not only deficient but inadequate in my role as facilitator. I was losing sleep and my heart was so heavy with the level of evil people endure. The Lord gave me a new assignment that is so out of my comfort zone. I literally had no words to even pray for a woman at the end of our meeting. I told her I would have to wait for the Holy Spirit to speak to me before I could even pray for her.
Of course the Holy Spirit was already working on my behalf. I “ran into” a strong woman of God at the copy machine as I was leaving and I asked her to pray for me. I confessed I had no idea what to do or say and that I definitely did not feel equipped for the job.
We went into an office, that just happened to be empty, and Gems she brought it!! We began to pray in our Spirit language at the same time and the entire atmosphere changed as the Holy Spirit took control! He was reminding us both who was in charge and that He has no limitations as long as I was using the word of God. It was a much needed human recourse appointment. When I got in my car to leave this was the scripture the Lord gave me.
Gems, God knows our deficiencies before He asks us to do something. He counts on them so He can be glorified. A friend sent me this today, it’s the introduction to a bible study she is doing and the timing was perfect.
“Your weaknesses don’t stand a chance in the face of God’s overwhelming, almighty power…. Your weakness is actually a gift ~ a key of sorts that unlocks and unleashes His power in your life.”
I have repented of being a control freak and handed the results back to God. I'm sure you can imagine the change it has made. I am amazed at how distractions don’t bother me as much and how the Holy Spirit speaks to His children as they come and go. He feeds them exactly what they need when they need it. I just need to follow His lead.
I actually have people missing smoke breaks so they don’t miss the discussion!!
I am beyond honored to be a deficient disciple and I hope this encourages you to seek jobs you are ineligible for as well. God has a way of making the most deficient disciple qualified.
Wednesday, June 21, 2023
Range Rover
As you may, or may not know, I got married in September! Who would have thought I would
be a bride at 61 but here I am living my "happily ever after."
Needless to say it's been a while since I have written a Gena's Jewels.
So buckle up cause here we go!
A few months ago I kept seeing Range Rovers driving in front or near me. It was so often I knew the Holy Spirit was stirring something in my Spirit. I would pass signs in random places but literally I was surrounded by vehicles or images of Range Rovers.
Of course in the natural it was nice to think God was telling me to buy one but I knew it was better than that, and less expensive. I began asking Him what He was saying to me. So as any good detective would do, I started with the meaning of the word.
1. Rover: a person who spends their time wandering.
2.(in various sports) a player not restricted to a particular position on the field.
Well if you know anything about me you know I have spent a lot of time wandering! I actually love wandering and the truth is I was concerned that getting married would hinder or stop that from happening.
It was the second definition that really got my attention "not restricted to a particular position on the field"
I’ll be honest with you. I have worked for and lived with many people. Some of those experiences have been wonderful and I have made life long friends and other times I begged to be released from my assignment and have lost friends. The thing is living with people can make you feel less than.
I would do my best to be “invisible” so I wouldn’t be too much of a bother.
I would try not to ask for anything and eat as little as possible. When company came I would have to give up my area and find somewhere else to be invisible for a few days. Sometimes I slept on a couch or cot and at times on the floor. Occasionally I had my own room or area, at times I was surrounded by boxes or other people's stuff, it took some adjusting and eating of humble pie, however, I was always surrounded and encouraged by Yeshua (Jesus).
When I would call my family crying or confused they were great at being encouraging. I am blessed to have some awesome friends who put up with me as well and believe it or not writing to you Gems was a huge help.
Don’t get me wrong there were many adventures of absolute fun and excitement, I wouldn’t change a bit of it, I’m just telling you being a “Rover” can be difficult. Jesus knew this well.
And NO, I am not comparing my journey to His I just mean He understood how I felt. OK now that we got that straight.
One day when I was sharing, OK whining, to God about my frustration of feeling less than by being technically homeless, this is what He said.
“You are my personal missionary. I allow you to move in and have personal relationships with my child that needs tending to. It’s not about you living with someone, even if you “feel” less than, it’s the honor of being, literally an at home missionary.”
It made me go from homeless to honored just like that.
As I said, the second definition of rover was the one that got my attention. Being married now I was concerned I would have to give up being a rover and a life I had come to thrive in. I looked forward to where I would end up next and experiencing God’s supernatural provision on a continuous basis. I can’t just bring my new husband along to random people’s houses for an indefinite sleep over, I tried he said no….
Getting used to someone providing a home and all that comes with it in a very normal way had become abnormal to me. What do you mean you get a weekly paycheck??? Of course Paul, my husband, has known me for over 20 years and read and agreed to the small print of life with Gena!
My dear friend and mentor Fran Bozeman told me a long time ago that God was a jealous God and He was not going to give me to just anyone. Paul was worth the wait.
So as I sit here today writing to you dear Gems, I am looking at new land that I will continue to wander on. As a player, not restricted to a particular position on the field. I will take on new assignments, some solo and some with my husband. I will still have sleepovers but will also have the gift of a home to go back to that I don’t need a U-Haul to come with me.
I am living in a different city with lots of new people to connect with. I have been blessed to do a bible study at a local facility for addicts and people with mental issues, which by the way my husband says I seem to fit right in with. Not sure if I should slap him or say thanks 😜
The challenge is not feeling unfulfilled while I wait for the new Range Rover directions. As I'm spending more time at home right now, I have to be careful not to just get "busy" to replace expectations I have imposed on myself or by others. I need to feel truly satisfied and at peace whether I'm doing "normal" or wandering. The truth is when wandering first started that felt completely abnormal!!
I can feel bored at times and that is a sentiment of disconnectedness. I read that to be bored does not mean that we have nothing to do, but that we question the value of the things we are doing.
The Holy Spirit's response to me was "who are you to question what I ordained as important?"
OUCH....
Maybe you are at a place in your life that you feel bored or discontent. I want to encourage you that the place you're at is obviously a very important place or our Father would not have you there. We can devalue seasons that God is doing the greatest work in us for His glory and our benefit.