Epiphany

 

That's right, I had an epiphany today. Now before you get too excited it's going to be one of those duhh moments. 

"Clear as the nose on your face"

You are literally going to slap your forehead and say "it took you this long to figure this out!" 

Ok, here comes the confession. "Hello my name is Gena and I'm a control freak....."

Phew, glad we got that out of the way. Now let me explain.

Recently my family was given some pretty devastating news regarding a loved one. The way I found out was via text. The message came from a family member, however, it came on a group text and the rest of the group were friends of the family member.  My initial "feeling" was, are you kidding me! I get a message about something so serious on a group text! Not even with other family but friends who don't even know the person! I was taken aback but mostly hurt.  

Soon after receiving the news this way I started getting busy. I did laundry, dishes, made the bed, took out trash etc.. I realized (epiphany) that when I feel something is totally out of my control I get busy, usually cleaning. It's probably why when I'm stressed my kids invite me over. I need to feel in control over something when I'm out of control of anything, and this is my go to. I know duh, but it really came to light for me at that moment.

 After stewing for a while and getting on myself for making me the issue I went to God. *Reminder He is The Spirit of truth*

The Holy Spirit asked me why I was bothered by how I got the news. Now, when the Holy Spirit asks you ANYTHING it's a good idea to think before you speak 😉

I had to get naked before Him and really analyze, why was I feeling like something happed to me. Why was I really hurt about the text.  He was about to show me that nothing happened to me, something happened for me. 

I confessed getting the news that way made me feel like I wasn't important enough to hear it personally, as a valued family member and not just a name on a group text. This of course is a wound from how I was raised and has nothing to do with the family member who sent the text. They didn't do anything wrong, again, God chose to use this for me, not to me. 

The Holy Spirit showed me that I still had a wound, with a scab on it, that could easily be picked and made to bleed. It was because He loved me that I needed this reminder that my value and worth are not based on people but on Him. 

Gems, people's opinions change like the wind. Read any tabloid, one day your a super star and the next day a nobody.

Just ask Yeshua (Jesus) about this kind of thing. One day people are laying palm branches down before Him and the next they are yelling crucify! He also understood the pain of family. The bible tells us in Mark 3:21 When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, "He is out of his mind."  He understands every wound and emotion we have and His desire is to heal them all. 

This situation gave me an opportunity to allow God to restore, not just bandage, an old wound. I'm sharing all this with you Gems because God needs us to have a pure heart in order for Him to use us. 

The assignment I'm on right now comes with a great deal of spiritual warfare. It is constant. One example: I have shared with you that I'm facilitating bible study at a rehabilitation center. At this time God is moving in such a compelling way in the lives of 10 specific men.  It has been so powerful the enemy has tried to split them up. The first plan he tried failed, thank you Yeshua, so he went another direction and it's currently working. He may have won the battle but God will win the war! 

If I had resentment, anger, need of acceptance from man or anything else that would clog the communication to the Holy Spirit I would be fighting in my power and not the Holy Spirit. I would fail miserably. I have to start and end everyday on my knees. 

I'll be honest with you, today I just wanted to stay home at Yeshua's feet and let Him hold me. I didn't feel like praying or helping anyone or even talking to anyone for that matter.

I have no problem picking Yeshua over work but I'm also dedicated to fulfilling commitments. I prayed and asked God if He would let me stay with Him or did I have to go back to battle. It was the latter so I pulled myself up and got ready for work. I knew that I had nothing to offer so that meant it was going to be a dynamic day and trust me I was not going to miss a front row seat at Bible study and witness God's wonder working power!

He didn't disappoint. As I walked through the parking lot to the entrance I saw a young woman entering as well. I clearly heard the Holy Spirit say "pray for her." *Reminder I could hear clearly because I addressed the unhealed wound above.*

I was a little hesitant but obeyed. I asked if she needed prayer and of course she did. She was so thankful to know God was not only listening to her but wanted to answer. I felt a flood of confirmation myself that I discerned the Holy Spirit correctly to go to work. I continued on with a spirit of expectation. 

The group started out small and I was thankful BUT God was not. He brought in new people that arrived the night before who had an ordained appointment with The King. I have no words for what happened next! We literally applauded several times during our study of Acts 8. I actually have chills as I write this and remember the moments. The Holy Spirit gave such insight verse after verse of how the message applied to our current lives. I was just as awed as they were. They repeatedly thanked me for the insight I was giving and I kept telling them I was just the vessel, we were truly in the presence of The Almighty.

Again Gems, I was being used as a conduit because I allowed the Holy Spirit to have a tough conversation with me. Confessing and repenting of my wounded heart was what allowed the Holy Spirit to use me at all. 

It may have appeared to the enemy when he saw me on the floor in my room that I was defeated. he was about to have an epiphany!