Deficient Disciple

 

Don’t you hate it when you're  looking for a job and you read the description and you think, I got this, then you look at the qualifications needed and you find you are apparently unqualified for the position. A job you have actually been doing for years or could figure out without a Masters degree. It is very frustrating.

In the Spiritual realm, it’s actually a preferred job qualification to be deficient.

Lemme splain.

I am currently working, and I use that term loosely, at a facility for individuals affected by mental illness and substance use disorders. The company asked me to conduct a bible study a few times each week, this seemed simple enough, as I have been facilitating bible studies for years.

I soon found out it’s not at all like the bible studies I have been a part of before. I have now entered the deficient disciple category. 

First challenge was realizing that this is a short term facility so my attenders change frequently. Do I stop and start over and over, or keep going? Next, sometimes they are medicated and can’t stay awake. Do I keep talking? Some are pretty knowledgeable about the bible and some have never opened one. How deep do I go? 

My new friends have questions like, why is her bible different from mine? What page is it on? What’s a Holy spirit? What denomination is this? What about muslim? Where was God when I…? Etc. 

Another challenge is staying focused.

 

I sometimes have the attention span of a gnat. I can get sidetracked easily and lose my train of thought like my life depends on it.  We meet in the cafeteria so there are employees coming in and out for drinks. The attendees also get up and down for drinks or to use the restroom. There can be more than one conversation going on at times, or announcements over the PA system or unusual proclamations, that’s all I’m going to say about that. 

Then there is the dreaded “smoke break.” 

 

This is a major dilemma!

This is when a mass exodus happens and I lose almost everyone. People don’t play with smoke breaks. Do I keep going for the ones remaining or do I wait for the rest to come back?  

Many of the clients share very personal testimonies of how they ended up there. These stories can be shocking or just plain heart breaking. My emotions were all over the place! Sometimes I would go home crying and just lay on my couch completely depleted. 

Like I said it is not your mama’s bible study. The first few weeks I really struggled. I had a brother with mental illness and have volunteered in mental hospitals, jails and soup kitchens over the years so I “thought” I could figure it out, but this was different. I was in over my head. 

I am a relationship person but it’s hard to build a rapport in a few weeks. I also struggled with not totally understanding addiction. I watched YouTube videos to help me relate better and learned that addiction was actually a disease.

I ask the clients questions to better understand where they are coming from as well, but trust me the enemy is all up in my business. The spiritual warfare is in full force and I have to make sure I am prayed up and have covering from family and friends. The good news is there are other believers there, including my sweet husband, that are also claiming the facility for Yeshua (Jesus.) It's comforting to know you are not alone.

Recently I was feeling overwhelmed. I was carrying things in my own strength and allowing the enemy to convince me that I was not only deficient but inadequate in my role as facilitator. I was losing sleep and my heart was so heavy with the level of evil people endure. The Lord gave me a new assignment that is so out of my comfort zone. I literally had no words to even pray for a woman at the end of our meeting. I told her I would have to wait for the Holy Spirit to speak to me before I could even pray for her.

Of course the Holy Spirit was already working on my behalf. I “ran into” a strong woman of God at the copy machine as I was leaving and I asked her to pray for me. I confessed I had no idea what to do or say and that I definitely did not feel equipped for the job. 

We went into an office, that just happened to be empty, and Gems she brought it!! We began to pray in our Spirit language at the same time and the entire atmosphere changed as the Holy Spirit took control! He was reminding us both who was in charge and that He has no limitations as long as I was using the word of God. It was a much needed human recourse appointment. When I got in my car to leave this was the scripture the Lord gave me. 

Gems, God knows our deficiencies before He asks us to do something. He counts on them so He can be glorified. A friend sent me this today, it’s the introduction to a bible study she is doing and the timing was perfect.

“Your weaknesses don’t stand a chance in the face of God’s overwhelming, almighty power…. Your weakness is actually a gift ~ a key of sorts that unlocks and unleashes His power in your life.”

I have repented of being a control freak and handed the results back to God. I'm sure you can imagine the change it has made. I am amazed at how distractions don’t  bother me as much and how the Holy Spirit speaks to His children as they come and go. He feeds them exactly what they need when they need it. I just need to follow His lead.

I actually have people missing smoke breaks so they don’t miss the discussion!! 

I am beyond honored to be a deficient disciple and I hope this encourages you to seek jobs you are ineligible for as well. God has a way of making the most deficient disciple qualified.