Words On A Page

I have had one of those tough months, just that constant pressure and stress of life. Having four children usually one of them may be going through something but this month all four of them were walking through a growth time. It’s hard to watch your child hurt and know they have to do this one alone and trust God. In the end you know it will be good but it’s the meantime that is challenging.
My heart is aching with the situation with my parents that seems to get worse instead of better. Just to update you, my older brother moved them to Albany New York in a less than desirable mobile home. Their care is less than adequate and although they are dealing with their own decisions it still breaks my heart. My father was cold in Florida I can’t imagine how cold he must be in Upstate New York. I felt robbed by my brother’s decision to take them against the wishes of myself and sisters.
If you’re a regular reader of Gena’s Jewels you know I have a pretty crazy family and have never had a nurturing relationship with my parents. You will also remember my mother has Alzheimer’s and while it was difficult watching her lose her memory we were actually having a relationship. It was like she was meeting me as a new friend and we were getting to spend time together. I felt like I had a relationship with her for the first time in my life. When I came to the house she was happy to see her friend that would take her to the store. I know that may sound weird but it’s how I felt. Now she is far away and can’t see me and has no idea who I am. When I call her on the phone she just babbles because she’s scared, feels alone and has no idea who she’s talking to. It’s like you mourn the death of your parent and they are still alive. It’s a very strange feeling, I know some of you can relate.
My younger brother has fought mental illness most of his life but when I saw him a couple of months ago he was doing great and looked better than I have ever seen him. Unfortunately the enemy has swooped back in and last I heard he is back in a mental facility, again heart breaking. Knowing how all this is affecting my sisters and niece is also hard to handle.
My very dear friend buried her first born daughter and although I know she is with Jesus I mourn the loss for her mom. Each time I talk to her I’m frustrated that I don’t have some magic thing to say that will ease her pain. She too lives far from me so I can’t even hug on her. I love you Jeanine.
I have been fighting migraine headaches which can cause grief when I’m trying to keep up with commitments. I have some other issues but I don’t want to overwhelm you so I think you get the point that I’m on emotional overload!
So here it is Saturday morning I have been up since 5 A.M. with a nauseating headache and I know I have to be at a meeting at 8 ugh! I think about cancelling I figure I can pick any of the above reasons for my decision but I gave my word and don’t want to let the group down.
I show up on time which was a surprise in itself. I looked pretty rough so a few sweet ladies asked if I was OK and offered to pray for me. Thank you Jesus for women who not only say they will pray but do! Part of the meeting is worship. Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t worship? I was drained and the thought of standing to sing and worship was a struggle. As the music began to play the following words were sung:

Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
What could stand against?

I was hearing the words but couldn’t seem to sing out loud. I literally felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I ended up going outside to sit for a moment and regroup. Later I went in a side door and listened from a chair outside the meeting room. As I sat there the Lord said something very profound to me. He said,
“Gena it’s easy for people to fill churches and concert halls and sing songs of worship but unless you really mean them and believe they are true they are nothing more than words on a page”
Wow that hit home! It’s when we’re in the middle of the muck that those words become life to us. It’s not about getting a warm fuzzy when you sing them it’s about taking hold of them like a life jacket when you’re drowning.
He told me something else that was pretty powerful; you know He does that right? He said there were a lot of people that were supposed to be there that day but not all of them showed up.
Please hear me this is not a dis to anyone that wasn’t there I had to miss the first meeting so I know life happens, I’m talking about the not coming just because reason. The Holy Spirit said sometimes he doesn’t convict you or let the enemy make you feel guilty, it’s just you making a decision based on what’s in your heart. He told me many were tested and on this particular day I passed the test by showing up when I didn’t feel like it. I emphasize I passed the test that day I’m not always that obedient.
I sat in the foyer for a bit and meditated on His words then went back in and sang my worship song with a new found confidence.
Nothing in my situation had changed but I reminded myself that I believe My God is stronger than any other and if He be for me who can be against me? What could ever stop me? Nuttin honey :)
I have to share a testimony with you about this day too. In the morning I got a cup of coffee and I noted how hot it was. I really like my coffee hot. Later after one of the breaks I got another cup of coffee and I noted it was hot but not really hot like earlier. No sooner had I thought that a woman bumped into me and I poured my coffee all over my hand and upper arm. The first thing I thought was thank you Jesus that you cooled the coffee down if it were the morning coffee I would have had a serious burn. If my God is for me what can be against me?
Gems I want to encourage you to really search your heart when your singing praises to our King especially when you’re in the middle of a battle and make sure you’re not just singing words on a page. Let those words ring truth into your world.
Trust in your sweet Jesus He is greater, stronger, more awesome than any other and best of all He’s Our God!!!

Don't kiss like Judas

The Bible tells us to greet one another with a kiss 1 Peter 5:14 Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.
Recently I read that the early disciples would greet one another with a kiss of peace, the kiss sealed their collective commitment to the Lord for their new way of living. It was an unspoken rebuttal to the kiss that Judas Iscariot had placed on Jesus cheek the night of his betrayal. I don’t know if that’s a fact but I found it pretty interesting.
With that said this is one of those jewels that keep me humble as I share with you the junk God is still dealing with inside of me.
See what had happened was…
I volunteered to speak at a ministry I attend each week, however I totally forgot about it. It wasn’t until I was on my way to the place I remembered and thought to myself I will have to wing it. Now winging it isn’t always a bad thing for me because I usually try and let God lead my words BUT I’m usually prayed up before I open my mouth. I thought it odd that no one said anything to me on the drive over about me speaking but I didn’t want to bring it up since I felt bad I hadn’t remembered and would just act ready.
As you know when I mess up I like to go all out so prepare yourself. After we got to the site I saw a young man getting ready to speak and the leaders didn’t seem the least bit surprised that it was him and not me. Well I got on my high prideful horse and thought what the heck I’m supposed to be speaking. Mind you less than 15 minutes ago I didn’t even remember. You would have thought I would’ve been grateful that the Lord had my back but NOOOO, I got on a pride kick. I was listening to this young man speak and thought, is he even a member of this organization? Why is he speaking? I didn’t think it was the most inspirational message especially when he quoted a verse from James.
James 4:9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.
What kind of verse is that to say to people who were struggling? I would never have used that verse! What does that verse even mean??? James must have been confused or depressed when he wrote that.
This young man was on fire as he paced back and forth sharing God’s word and I was a total butt head not receiving any of it. Later that night I even poked fun of his speaking style to my friend. Not to his face of course cause that wouldn’t be nice....
When we leave the site we say an informal goodbye to one another but on this night this young man made a point of coming over and hugging me before he left. That was my first pang of guilt but I pushed it aside and gave him a Judas kiss goodbye.
I KNOW! I can’t believe I’m even sharing this with you, not gonna lie I’m pretty ashamed.
Well you know the Holy Spirit doesn’t let me get away with anything for too long. He loves me too much to not teach me a lesson. The next morning I go to a Beth Moore Bible study and as fate would have it, it’s on James. And guess which verse she’s talking about? You guessed it James 4:9!
Beth shared a conversation she had with her daughter Melissa. Her daughter was telling her she has no idea what kind of things people share on the internet so Beth decides to check it out. She Googled her name and was shocked at the things people wrote about her. She said the thing that hurt the most were the things her fellow brothers and sisters in Christ wrote about her. Things that weren’t true and if for some reason people thought it was true she couldn’t’ understand why they didn’t call or write and ask her about it. She said she expected to be ridiculed from the world because Jesus said to expect it but from fellow Christians it really shocked her. Beth went on to say that this is what the verse from James means. When we as Christians see sin or things that grieve the Holy Spirit it should turn our joy into mourning. Gena translation, we should be sad when people kiss like Judas.
Luke 22:47-48 While he was still speaking a crowd came up, and the man who was called Judas, one of the Twelve, was leading them. He approached Jesus to kiss him, but Jesus asked him, “Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?”
UGH! That hit me right between the eyes. The Holy Spirit brought to mind my sweet brother that I had slammed the night before. It doesn’t matter that he didn’t know, God knew and worse yet I thought it. He let me know I didn’t speak that night because my heart wasn’t right, I had a pride issue. The Lord reminded me that I would have to keep pride in check especially since speaking is a big part of my ministry. That young man was right where he was supposed to be and little did I know he was speaking for me. My actions should have turned my joy into sorrow. They didn’t that night but they sure did the next morning.
Gems I share these stories with you to remind you that we all struggle with selfish thoughts as we’re growing. That’s the basis of the book of James, it’s a manual if you will on how to live your life after you accept Christ as your Savior. I heard a guy say being a Christian doesn't mean we stop sinning it just means we stop enjoying it.
When I left that night I should have given my brother a kiss on the cheek that represented peace and love and a mutual commitment that we are trying to live the way Christ showed us. It was a reminder to me to get myself in check every time I interact with another brother or sister in Christ. I hope it helps us all to make sure we’re not giving out a Judas kiss when we embrace one another. I pray it will remind us to give a kiss of peace and love xoxox