Steadfast Peace

You know that emotional low you sometimes experience after a high point in your life?

After you have been through an unusual flood of emotions over a period of time that had you on a ride you couldn't stop if you wanted to. All the sudden you're overcome with a new emotion but this time instead of adrenalin or anxiety it's a deep sadness or sorrow. A feeling deep in your soul that you can't contain or control.

I felt that low last night.

After months of preparation and over coming obstacle after obstacle my sweet Amanda was finally married to the man God chose for her when she was born 32 years ago.

It has been a crazy ride for our family this past year. If you are a new reader I'll give you a brief recap. God called Amanda to the mission field in Kampala Uganda to work with orphans at an organization called Watoto. After being in Africa only 5 months Amanda had two surgeries in less than 10 days and was diagnosed with cancer. We have rebuked that diagnoses and believe Amanda is 100 % healed. The doctor wanted Amanda to have a pet-scan after her surgery to see if the cancer was completely removed. If it wasn't, to see if it spread. BUT after much prayer and fasting Amanda decided against the scan. Funny story, after the surgery the ONLY pet-scan in the region was broken and a scan was no longer an option unless Amanda traveled to Kenya which is about 13 hours from where she's located.

Honestly I feel it was God's confirmation she didn't need a test, she had her answer.

Amanda met Claver, her now husband, last year while on a mission trip. Claver was managing the hotel where the mission team stayed. I say Amanda met Claver last year but Claver met Amanda 2 years ago. This is an excerpt from a letter he wrote me.

The first time I saw Amanda was in 2011 and all I saw was her back and her long beautiful hair. It was at our then family Kayegi Hotel. At the time I did more of administrative work in a hidden office so I did not get the chance of ‘putting’ a face to the beautiful hair I saw. For some reason though, I never forgot having seen her. It was not until after a whole year, when she came back in 2012 that I got to ‘put’ a face to the beautiful hair. I was at the reception waiting on a few Guests; she passed by and sat in the Lounge to surf the Internet on her phone. As I looked at her, I was drawn to her but I just thought it was because I had never seen anyone with such a beautiful young lady with very long amazing hair in my life. It was a couple of days after that we started talking and it has been special ever since.

And God used one sentence from Amanda that captured my heart. On the 12^th August 2012 during a Face book chat, Amanda said,“I will live, love, laugh, die, and be buried next to my husband.”I was shaken to the core of my being. I had never heard any woman speak this way before. Could she really be the one? My heart screamed Yessssss!!!!

If you think that's sweet you should see the rest of the letter... Be still my heart. Jesus hand picked this husband for my first daughter before she was born.

You would think if Jesus picked the husband and brought the wife over an ocean all would run smoothly right? Think again.

There is nothing the enemy hates more than for a mighty man and Godly woman to marry. For the male image of God and the female image to become one and the power of the Holy Spirit to move freely through them.

Satan did his best to keep this union from happening. he used surgeries, cancer, problems with getting a marriage license to finances. He didn't stop at just medical and culture issues he even used family members to try and ruin the happiness and beauty of this union. Amanda received a very hurtful letter from a family member that in the natural would have done great harm but we have learned to recognize the works of the one who is out to destroy us and she chose not to fall into that pit. Instead she and Claver prayed for this person to be set free from lies.

Their wedding date was changed a dozen times because of paperwork issues. A week before the wedding Amanda's back was injured from traveling on motorcycles and old buses traveling on roads filled with pot holes.

Her sciatic never was injured and while most brides would be making their final wedding plans Amanda was laid out in severe pain. She had to use the money she had to live on to rent a car and do the 3 hour drive back to Kampala to see a Chiropractor.

Gems my heart broke hearing my daughter sobbing over the phone in excruciating pain and feeling helpless. But GOD! I met with my prayer warriors and had a team of people praying for Amanda that God would hold her up to walk down the isle. And hold her up HE did!

My beautiful baby girl was married to Claver Busima and their prearranged marriage by her Heavenly Father has begun.

My house was filled with excitement as family and a few close friends gathered to watch the wedding on Skype. We had chocolate and vanilla cupcakes to represent our two cultures coming together. 

There were a few computer glitches but for the most part we were able to see the whole ceremony. We toasted with orange juice and had lots of hugs and smiles. 

Afterwards we went to breakfast for our reception here in the States with bride and groom in our hearts. I made the best of the circumstances I was given so I could be a part of my daughter's wedding. My heart was and is filled with thankfulness to my sweet Jesus and joy for Amanda and Claver.

That night after everyone went back to their lives and Claver and Amanda were officially on their weekend honeymoon I was sitting on my couch alone with my thoughts and began to feel sad. This was that moment. The event had reached it's climax and I was on the other side. Months of emotions and stress lifted off my shoulders yet I didn't feel relief I felt lonely and sad. Why?

Because I was exhausted for one and it's when we are weak the enemy likes to whisper things to us. Here is a sample of what I was hearing:

“so here you are, once again all alone. No one here at the end of the day to hold you and share your intimate thoughts. This is the time that married couples share together with pride, when one of their children marry but you are divorced and everyone has gone back to their lives that don't include you. Once again you had to handle all these issues Amanda has gone through alone.”

But when I heard that word “alone” it jolted me, like being woke up from a bad dream. I stopped those thoughts and said out loud “no I didn't.”

Gems I was never alone. I prayed everyday and felt an unexplained peace constantly. I felt the arms of Jesus holding me every time I needed to be held.

I felt His presence every time I thought I would lose it. Every time I cried I felt Him close to my heart. On the mornings I didn't want to go to work because I was tired from a long night of messaging Amanda due to the time difference I felt a strength to get up. I heard Him speak to me when I needed a reminder my Amanda was right where He wanted her. In the center of His will.

I remembered a conversation I had with my dear friend Johnmichael Moran. He reminded me of a verse that has become my life verse this past year.

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

Steadfast: unwavering faith, firmly established,firmly fixed in place or position

John Michael reminded me that it's a decision to be steadfast. It's a decision to trust the hand you can't see. He reminded me in order to have that peace I had to look past everything in the natural, including my understandable fears, and trust God.

Gems I'm writing this jewel to remind you that it's a decision to be steadfast. I want to encourage you whether your coming off an emotional high, good or bad, or in the pit of despair you can have peace. The key is to keep your mind steadfast on Jesus.

It won't change your circumstances and you won't be able to explain it but you will feel it.  Steadfast peace..........

Don’t Give Bread Alone

I arrived at Soup kitchen ready to greet our guest for dinner under a beautiful blue sky. I greeted each one by name then as they picked their spots I stopped by each table to again greet and remind them how special they are to our sweet Jesus.

Then it happened, I made eye contact with an elderly man shuffling from his electric wheel chair to his place at the table. He wore an old Veterans hat tattered and torn with his long grey hair poking out the bottom. He had hard lines on his face with a scruffy mustache and beard but just under the rim of the hat were the most amazing blue eyes. Still vibrant in spite of the hard life his small frame showed.
I sat across from him with the sun in my eyes squinting to take in each feature of his chiseled face. I asked his name and extended my hand across the worn folding table we bring each week. He told me his name was James in a deep soft voice I had to lean forward to hear. We shook hands and made an unspoken commitment to listen to each other.
I’m going to share some facts about James with you:

1.      He has 2 children in the U.S.

2.      He has a child in Vietnam, Germany, Greece and Korea

3.      He has never met the children outside of the U.S. and has no relationship with the two in the U.S.

4.      He is a recovering alcoholic

5.      He did time in prison

If I left you with these facts you would have a pretty negative impression of my new friend James and his 70 years on this planet. But one of the most precious gifts the Lord has given me is to not assume the worst in people.

As our conversation continued I found out that James was in both the Korean War and the Vietnam War. He saw things that drove him to alcohol and binges of black outs so he could survive the hell that had now become his young life.

He told me of times in Vietnam when he was fighting for his life, a machine gun his only tool, and how if you shot it before you got the “OK” you had to pay for the ammunition. He went on to tell me how expensive bullets are for a machine gun. He shared that when he came home from Vietnam he was greeted the way many of our soldiers were with contempt and hatred for surviving a war he didn’t ask for. His wife greeted him with divorce papers.

He married again but suffered from flash backs and nightmares. His 2nd wife woke him up one night and he thought he was in the war and the event that followed horrified both him and his wife. This of course led to another divorce. He tried to get back to Korea to be with the women he left there and truly loved but she was killed by the very war that took James’ once normal life.

He was forbidden to see his children here in the States because of his unstable condition from post-traumatic stress. He has to live with the fact he never met his children in the other countries. He said his prayer is they made it back to the United States and could one day forgive him.

I asked James if he had an explanation for why he survived and so many of our soldiers today are committing suicide. He looked me square in the eyes and said “I tried on many occasions to kill myself but for some reason the Lord didn't let it happen.” He went on “now I’m old so there’s no sense, I will die soon.” 

I moved across the table to sit closer to James and asked if he was on disability and he said no, that because he went A-wall for 3 months in a drunken state he was given a dishonorable discharge. He told me the key was to stay drunk. If you stayed drunk it’s amazing the things the mind can block out.

James had 4 months of leave time saved, how ironic that he was not allowed to use that time then be given help for his condition. He told me he has a few people fighting for him as the dishonorable discharge was changed in Illinois where he’s from but here in Florida it’s not accepted. I don’t understand all that he was saying but I got the gist of it. This brought some hope into the story and I excitedly asked when that will happen?  He laughed and said “they have been working on it since 1986 but it doesn't matter I will die soon.” He reminded me he was alone with no family and most people he’d known have already passed.

My heart was so full of pain and remorse for this man I had just met. His small frame reminded me of my own father before he passed. He had made his way into my heart and I just wanted to cry as I felt so helpless to add any light to his bleak situation.

I realized we had been talking so long James hadn't had a chance to eat his meal. I told him to go ahead and eat and he said he wasn't hungry, that he didn't come for the meals each week he came for someone to talk to.

Matthew 4:4
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

James lives alone in a small efficiency apartment and drives his motorized wheel chair to our site hoping to have conversation. Hoping to find acceptance in a world filled with wars, hatred, disrespect, and injustice. You would think he would be an angry man but he’s not. I asked if he had a relationship with Jesus and he said yes. I found myself at times almost staring into his blue eyes wondering how they have stayed so vibrant while the rest of his body has taken such a beating.

He has been coming to our soup kitchen not for food but for friendship and I’m happy to say he found that before I even met him. I serve with such an amazing group of volunteers that LOVE the body of Christ. The whole body. He is greeted with a smile from the beautiful woman who gives him his name tag to the high school students that make sure he has a drink. Evelyn, one of our leaders, makes sure he’s accounted for each week. James told me last week he was home sick and a volunteer brought him dinner.

Gems there are times there is nothing we can do to fix a person’s circumstance but we always have the opportunity to change their moment with us. I am honored to have met James and after thanking him for fighting for my freedom I let him know I will look for him each week so we can have talk time because two are always better than one.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.

I asked James before he left if there was anything he needed and he said he would love a pair of jeans and some new tee shirts. This is a veteran of the United States Army asking me for an outfit….
I will have it for him next week along with a hug, a smile and a reminder that he is loved by the King of Kings and that he is never alone.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Gems sometimes we have to be the ones who use our mouths for Jesus words to come out of. We have to be the one who helps our brother or sister up. We have to be the one to remind the world that Jesus will never leave or forsake us.

I pray this jewel encourages you to not give bread alone...

Bible Talk

True story: I put on some lip gloss and starting driving my car with the windows open. As the wind picked up my hair began sticking to my newly applied lip gloss. I would pull it off my lips and it would just stick back on when the wind hit me. Very attractive....

That has nothing to do with this jewel just thought you might need a chuckle :)

What I really want to talk to you about is conversations with God.

What if I told you that right now, this very moment, I could show you how to talk to God and have Him answer you right back!! Would you be interested?

I’ll assume you said yes so here goes.

It’s that simple, yet I think the Bible is one of the best kept secrets ever! 

The Bible starts as an introduction to the One and only Holy & Mighty God.

It explains God's care for His people spoken through leaders & prophets. In Psalms God shows He understands both our joys and our sorrows. The book of John is referred to as the book of love as we are introduced to our sweet Jesus. The New Testament teaches us how to live after we accept Christ so we have a full blessed life. Then God tops it off with Revelation! The book of victory and a glimpse into end times here on earth and life in Heaven. THIS BOOK IS ACTION PACKED!
For me my Bible is truly my life line. I tried life without it and I can tell you it was 

pretty much a train wreck. My pages are marked up, highlighted and torn from many days of hanging onto God's word for dear life. I read it when I'm fearful, need encouragement, need a reminder of who I am in Christ. I read it when I'm sad or seeking knowledge. I read it when I want to be reminded how much I'm loved.
My Bible is my direct line to God's thoughts, His commands, His desires and His plan for my life. Every time I read it I find something new. It has love stories, war stories, history, prophecy and 31 Proverbs. One for each day of the month to give me wisdom. I love red letter Bibles where I'm reminded they are the words of Jesus Himself. I'm not super holy, I'm super needy.  My Bible has saved me thousands of dollars in therapist bills. It corrects me when I'm getting off track and reminds me of all the blessings coming my way when I obey. I get excited when I feel like Jesus is sharing a secret with me and I am in awe that God would allow me to read His personal diary. Not gonna lie I'm pretty stoked by this book.

After my mother was admitted into a nursing home my sisters and I had to go to my parents house to collect some of their personal items. One of the things I found that is priceless to me is my mother's Bible.


I didn't even know my mother had a personal Bible.
As many of you regular Gems know my mother and I did not have the best relationship so in a weird way my mothers Alzheimer condition kind of made things better for us. She didn't remember me so I became the nice lady that came to visit.  She was happy to see me and that made me happy.

I held this personal treasure in my hands and slowly began to look through the pages. I was excited and sad at the same time, wondering what my mother's thoughts were as she read this precious book.
Suddenly my heart skipped a beat as I found pages with verses underlined, pages where she had written a small note on the side of the page. I started digging through the pages looking for anything my mother might have written. I was getting a glimpse into her personal world with Jesus. What did they share? What spoke to her? What promises did she hang onto for dear life? What secrets did Jesus share with her?
Gems it was such a solemn moment for me. I'm full of emotion even as I write this jewel. For the first time I was meeting my mother as a Christian woman. Funny my mother keeps meeting me for the first time, the nice woman that came to visit. Isn't life strange and wonderful.
I use my mother's Bible every Wednesday when I go to Bible study. 

I tenderly carry it as if I were holding her hand and bringing her with me.
One day when I have gone home my children will find my Bible and they will meet another side of me as well. Yes, they have met me as a Christian but they will see many conversations I had with Jesus that they were not a part of. How many verses I claimed over each one of them. How often I petitioned God on their behalf. They will get a glimpse into my personal life with Jesus and what verses spoke to me. They will see for themselves that not only did I speak to Jesus, He spoke to me.
I hope this jewel has inspired you to get into your Bible. Read it, enjoy it, highlight verses that spoke to you, write notes in it and most importantly share it with those you love. Speak to Jesus then open His word and let God speak to you. Enjoy some Bible talk.

Where Do Your Feet Fail

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

This is one of my favorite songs by Hill Song . Many of you know it. It's an awesome praise song that we
sing as part of our worship but I would bet the person who wrote it lived it first and then it became a song 

We sing it with all our hearts, but do we mean it? Do we really want to trust the Lord without borders? Do we really want to walk upon the water? Do we really want to go deeper with the Lord?

The Lord asked me this very question a while back and I said yes,  that was right before we moved onto Storm Road.....

Gems the only way to go deeper with Jesus is to go with deeper with Jesus.

Many times in my life the Lord will use things in the natural to coincide with things happening in my spiritual world. 

For example, when Jessica and I first moved to Florida many of you know we moved in with friends. The Lord told me it was going to be a time for me to rest. He said He was putting an umbrella of protection over  us where everything we needed would be provided for us. The Lord said I was to enjoy the covering and rest. What I don't think I ever told you was we moved into a house on Parasol  Lane. 

God has such a sense of humor.

About 5 months ago the Lord moved us into another house but this time we moved onto Storm Rd.

2014 has started with some major storms for me and my family. Storms that cause you to go deeper. Storms that makes me call out to Jesus as I try and keep my head above the waves for fear I will drown.

Storms where the Spirit's leading is taking me deeper and with each wave I remember He asked me if I wanted to go and I said yes....

I'm not going to share all of the storms with you but I want to share one that we are in them middle of right now. My oldest daughter Amanda was called to the mission field in Mbale Uganda. She was very excited about it and I was trying to be. Africa is very far away!
She was only there a few short months before the storm began. Amanda had a small lump on her neck that was rapidly growing into a big lump. It got to the point where it was causing her problems breathing so she decided to see a doctor. It was determined she was going to need surgery to have her left thyroid lobe removed. I of course thought this meant she would be coming home... she didn't.
She said she felt God telling her to stay and have the surgery done in Kampala.
Now if you know me you know my mind can be CRAZY! The vision in my head of this surgery looked something like this. A guy sitting on a stool with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and a dirty knife in his hand. Over his shoulder was a woman holding a flashlight and 2 men at the door holding a cooler to put my daughter's organs in.
I warned you I'm crazy.

I tried my best to talk my daughter into coming home but in my heart I knew the Holy Spirit was telling me she would be staying there. A dear friend offered me her frequent flyer miles to be with Amanda but the Lord said NO.
He was calling me deeper.

My daughter had her neck cut from one end to the other and before either one of us had a chance to comprehend what happened the next wave came, there was cancer and she would be having a 2nd surgery to remove the other side of the thyroid and a tumor. A second surgery in less than 10 days! An ocean away and nothing I could do to fix it.  I felt like I would drown! He
was calling me deeper...

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves.

The only way to go deeper with God is to go deeper.

Gems the thing is we sing about going deeper and we say
we want to go deeper but the truth is we don't. The minute things get a little uncomfortable we bail. The minute we have
to rely on that faith without borders we jump back into our life raft. The minute it's totally out of our control and we can't figure out how it's going to work out we cry UNCLE! 
I can't tell you how many times people tell me God told them to do this or that and they are so excited about their upcoming journey with the Lord.  I see them a few months later and the plan went out the window and when I ask why? They tell me God must have changed his mind. Really?
It sounds more like your feet have failed. Gems don't ask people what God is thinking. If He changed the plan He will tell you. This is the only way your faith can be made stronger you have to go where He calls you.

The sad truth is we want to go deeper but we don't want to hit any real storms. We want to skip over the hard part and just have all the provision before any waves come. The problem with that plan is you get the glory not God and He is all about His glory!
We want it to be easy but God never said it was easy to be in the center of His will.
What He did say is He will make a way when there seems to be no way, IF we trust in Him. 

I don't know what ocean your in right now but I can tell you, you can trust the one who made it. God wants to go deeper with everyone of us. He told me "the bigger the problem the bigger my glory." I'll be honest I'm no super human without fear, my first response was I'm not ready for bigger glory especially when it's my child we're talking about. God knows all to well what it's like to give a child for His glory.
Gems if we are truly going to be the bride of Christ we better start looking like her. These can't just be songs we sing they must be lives we live. Get in the water, go through the storm and let's walk on these waters where we know our feet will fail because it is only then that Christ will carry you.  You can rest in His embrace.

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Comfort Tomb

I was having a Nana day with my grandson Lucas and he was telling me the story about Lazarus from John 11. As he retold the story to me in Lucas version he said “And God called Lazarus out of the grave, out loud so Lazarus would be the only dead guy to come out.”

Gems at that moment I had a mental picture of a bunch of mummies sitting up, looking at each other and saying me you me you????

This of course got me thinking that God does call each one of us by name. We may not be called to raise someone from the dead but we may be called to raise someone’s hopes from the dead.

 I think sometimes we think if we don’t have some huge calling that we are not being called at all but that my friend is a lie from the pit.

I love the story of Elijah when he wanted to hear from God.

1 King 19:¹¹ And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: ¹²And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire 

Gems most times it’s the still small voice inside of you that is telling you what God wants from you but you are in your comfort tomb, wrapped up tightly in your garment of security and you don't want to come out.

A few months ago a new woman joined my weekly ladies Bible study. Her name is Karin and as I introduced myself I felt the Holy Spirit say “be a good friend to her.”

Karin seemed like a nice enough woman but the truth is I could tell she was a bit older than me so we wouldn't have much in common and my plate was full right now. I had a pretty packed tomb and while I had no intentions of being a bad friend I didn't ask the Holy Spirit what He meant by being “a good friend” because knowing Him He would tell me. Bottom line Jesus was calling me out of my tomb. 

Over the next few weeks I couldn't help but grow closer to Karin. She had the sweetest spirit and was a genuinely kind person. We had a bond knit together by the Holy Spirit and I couldn't be happier to be her friend and knew she was my friend too.

One Wednesday she missed our Bible study and I ran into her at a store that afternoon. I told her we missed her and being the nosy person I am I asked where she was. Karin told me she was just coming back from Moffit Cancer Center. I had no idea she had cancer.

Over the next few weeks I would get together with Karin at her house as her condition seemed to worsen quickly.

I would visit her on weekends and my days off from work. We would pray together and I would read the Bible to her. Sometimes I would read one of my jewels, did I mention she was a Gena's Jewels fan :)  My stories seem to encourage her as we had a lot of the same family issues.

Hospice was eventually called in. It has been hard watching my dear friend deteriorate right before my eyes. In spite of her condition she always had a great attitude and NEVER complained! As I would read God's word I would look up to see her small fragile face with the most angelic smile on it.

 She absorbed God's word and He was so faithful to tell me exactly what passages He wanted read to His beautiful daughter. They were having a very personal experience

together and He used me to be His mouth piece. He took

me from my tomb to let Karin know the tomb could not contain Jesus and it wouldn't contain her either!

A few days before she died I was able to sit with Karin, actually I climbed into bed with her. I stroked her soft hair and sang songs quietly into her ear. I reminded her how much Jesus loved her and how He was waiting for his sweet bride to come home to the room He had prepared for her.

Her still small voice asked me if we could do communion one more time. As I held her fragile head in my hands and lifted the tiny cup to her awaiting lips to partake of our Lord's supper it brought her such comfort. She understood that Jesus shed blood was her promise of eternal life.
Gems it was one of the most humbling experiences of my life.

It was at that moment I heard the Holy Spirit thanking me for being a good friend to His sweet servant. 

I wept as I thought of my initial response to stay in my tomb and not be imposed on.

I was honored Karin and her family allowed me to be a small part of Karin's last trek on her journey home.

Gems I'm not telling you this story for any praise on my part but to remind you that we all get comfortable in our personal tomb and God is calling each one of us to come out.

We so often think ''someone else will do it” but God has called each of us for a certain purpose. Don't miss yours, don't stay in your comfort tomb when Jesus says out loud

“ your name here COME OUT!”