In His Presence

 

  

Hi Gems! It’s been a while since I’ve written. I hope you are all doing well, I haven’t had a computer for some time and have missed sharing life with you.  

I’m currently in a study from 2nd Timothy.  Part of the lesson is talking about our Mentors. The homework was to write down both past and present mentors in our life. I have had many mentors, some are in Heaven, some I have never met (I listen to teaching on internet) and they don’t know they are my mentor. I’m like the creeper apprentice I guess. Some I have shared a part of my life with and some are active in my circle right now. I appreciate all of them but the one I want to talk about first is Fran Bozeman.  

 

I’m sure you have heard me talk about Fran in the past. She is in Heaven now and I miss her like crazy! 

 

Fran had quite the fan club. I first met her when I was pregnant with Nathanael so that would have been about 25 years ago. I was new to the whole Bible study thing and joined a church that had a women’s study during the week. I didn’t join to study the Bible I joined because I wasn’t used to being home during the day, I had always worked and I was bored and needed friends. Just keepin it real here. 

 

I picked the class I wanted to join and off I went. When I first arrived everyone met in the chapel for a small service before we broke off into our groups. There were women of all ages and I was happy because many of them were my age. I guess they were bored too. I was anxiously anticipating who  

would be my new friend. I scanned the room to find a target that I would shoot my smile at and hope my look of desperation didn’t scare them off. 

 

After we all settled down the leader of the group came in. She was an OLDER woman (probably a little older then I am right now) and as she walked up to the podium I remember thinking geeezzze I hope this old lady doesn’t talk all day cause I want to get to my small group. I have friends to make! 

 

Two minutes into Fran speaking I was captivated. She was the most amazing speaker I had ever heard. She  was a retired missionary who loved Jesus.  I had never heard anyone speak of Jesus like they knew him as a friend. She spoke of some of her travels and the things she had witnessed. I was hooked! I walked right up to her afterwards and told her she needed to be my friend. I went each week just to hear Fran speak. I couldn't wait to hear more about her fascinating life. 

 

I was a wreck of a believer when I first met Fran but she poured into me and walked me through some very tough times. She was the most humble and loving woman I had ever met. I loved our intimate conversations and the times I could ask her questions. I loved how she gave me guidance without any judgment and would pray over me. One day she looked me straight in the eye and said “Gena when you finally go to bed at night AND finally fall asleep your angel’s go whew.”  

  

I loved being IN her presence not just having her present.  

 

I want to break that down a bit. If Fran and I were both at the same church service and she was on one side of the auditorium and I on the other she was present but not in my presence. 

When I was at the study she was present but there was usually a line of women waiting to speak to her. Again she was present but not in my presence. 

If we were at the same social gathering it was a little better because she was present and I might get a few minutes with her but again I wasn’t alone in her presence. 

 

No joke, one time I was tired of waiting for my turn. I had tried to schedule a meeting with Fran for weeks and she was always so busy, I had no choice I had to take matters into my own hands. I showed up at her office and told her I NEEDED her to come outside with me. She did, ahhh Fran so trusting… I got her to get in my car and then I drove her to an empty baseball field parking lot not far from the church so I could have some alone time with her. I had pretty much kidnapped a missionary. We laughed about that many times over the years. 

 

Gems, there is nothing more precious than being in the presence of someone you love and they are just as happy to be there as you are. The truth is Fran let herself be kidnapped as she also needed some alone time with her crazy Gena friend.  

 

I always felt better after my time with Fran. I got a needed hug or word of advice that made my journey easier to bare. I felt loved and cared for and that gave me strength to keep moving forward. 

This of course got me to thinking about my sweet Jesus. We know God is omnipresent but is He always present. I used to say yes of course but I have found that is not the correct answer. Of course He is everywhere all the time but I mean that intimate time of KNOWING He is right there with you. 

 

We can go to church and hear a sermon about God but did we engage with Him? We can have a quiet time and read our Bible about Him but did we talk to Him? 

Do we enter into His presence?   

 

When I have my time alone with the Lord I pray, read my bible and sometimes play worship music. It’s not a formula and you don’t have to do it, it’s just what I do that helps me get focused and empty the thousands of thoughts in my head so I can have that one on one time. Like parking at an empty parking lot with Him so we have one another’s undivided attention. 

 

Last weekend I was having one of those times with Jesus. My friend Karen called, I don’t usually answer my phone during these times but she was visiting from Texas and I knew she would be leaving soon.  Karen offered to take me for a massage and facial. A fun girl’s time with the two of us and my youngest daughter Jessica. I had been wanting a facial for a while and it sounded really tempting but ya know what Gems I knew I was in the Lord’s presence that morning. There was no burning bush or audible voice I could just feel Him. We were hanging together and I didn’t want to give up a minute of it. I know how crazy my life can be and I’m not usually in an empty house so as much as I appreciated the generous offer I was going to hang out right where I was. 

 

Yes God is omnipresent but that presence doesn’t ignite my fire any more than being in the same building as Fran did. Does that make sense to you? 

My spirit is refueled after my time with the Holy Spirit. My love tank is filled after I hear how much Jesus loves me. I am at peace knowing that the creator of the world is the God I serve and this definitely helps me to keep moving forward and not be filled with fear of all the things I have no control over. 

 

If you haven’t done this in a while let the Lord kidnap you and go somewhere alone with Him.  If you're not sure what I'm talking about write me I would love to share more with you. If you don't know Jesus as your Savior just ask Him to take over your life and He will make Himself real to you. 

Do what you have to but don’t miss out on being there, In His Presence! 

 

Clear As Mud

This is going to be a testimony Jewel, no fun graphics or pictures to share. I'm not sure who reads these and if we have never met I'm not even sure how your name got on my list. The truth is writing is my affordable therapy so if you're reading this I guess you can consider yourself my therapist :)

I'm going to update the journey from exiting my seven month stint in beautiful TN. The Lord told me to leave my things there as I wouldn't be needing them for a while. That made me a bit nervous because in the Spirit world you never know how long a “while” is with the whole 2^nd Peter 3:8

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

It was a bitter sweet move as I loved being back with my kids but was truly sad to leave TN.

I got back to Florida the end of June and was thrilled to meet my newest grandson Josiah. In July I spent 3 weeks in New York with my sister and some much needed time with my mom who is a nursing home :(   Being in New York is always an emotional time for me.

In August I went back to Haiti and loved on my adopted family there and was honored to preach the first service at a new church sponsored by Schools for Haiti. December brought me back to TN for a 10 day assignment in Nolensville then back to Franklin to get my stuff. Why do I always move in mid summer or winter???

Getting my stuff meant loading a 26 foot truck and driving it back to Florida. This was a greater task than I had anticipated. Most of the people I had relationships with in TN were away for the Christmas holiday so finding help was not easy. I contacted a lot of people but I'm sad to say no one offered.

Gems I really struggled with this, I was only asking for 3 people hopefully 2 men to give me one hour of their time to empty a storage unit and the body of Christ was too busy celebrating Christ to actually be Christ for a sister.

I know that sounds harsh but that's exactly what happened. I had a couch at my old apartment that I needed to put on the truck before heading to the storage unit, it's a sleeper sofa so it is pretty heavy. There was no way I could handle that alone or with the help of my friend Cyndi. I had been asking for help weeks before I left FL and the whole time I was n TN but no one responded to my desperate cry.

Now there's something you should know about me, when I'm upset with people I tell God on them... Yes I'm a spiritual tattle tale. So that's what I did and was over it.

The truth is I was terrified of the whole task. The thought of driving that huge truck up and down mountains and back to Florida was terrifying to me.

I had 3 different people tell me they could drive back with me but for some reason the Lord canceled all of them. My friend T-Bone, yes that's his name, offered to drive from Atlanta and at least drive behind me back to Florida but the Lord said no I was to do it alone.....

I had a sit down chat with God and told Him I knew everything I owned was from Him and I would just sacrificially give everything away. I would just tell the local Salvation Army the storage unit number and they could have everything. I praised the Lord that He would just get me more stuff when I needed it. The truth is everything I owned was probably worth less then what it was going to cost to bring it back to Florida soooo technically I was being a good steward. Plus, I wouldn't have to deal with any of it. Yay me I'm so giving! There settled, I went to bed.

BUT God was not settled. I heard the Holy Spirit whisper “you're right I did give you everything you own and can replace it. And IF you were just giving your things away to be generous that would be great but we both know your giving away the things I supplied out of fear. You are listening to the enemy tell you you're not strong enough to do this, it is fear not faith making this decision. So if you are willing to give the enemy your belongings and the special things you have kept over the years go ahead and yes I will replace your stuff but we both know it's not a faithful selfless act on your part it's believing in yourself over the Great I AM.”

OUCH! I hate when He calls me out on stuff. I quickly responded, “you're right, it is fear and I'm OK with that.”

But I wasn't....

In the morning when I picked up the truck I still had no idea HOW I was going to fill it.

I arrived at the complex with my what felt like 100' truck and knocked at the door of my old neighbor Jong, who even though he was sick, offered to help me with the couch, thank you Jesus. I still needed a guy for the other end. Another neighbor was coming down the stairs to take his trash out and I literally blocked his way and begged him to help me. He initially said he couldn't, he was going somewhere, he was taking out trash I knew there had to be a return trip shortly, and like I said I begged him. Honestly even though he was well over 6' tall I think my desperation along with the crazy look in my eyes scared him.

The two of them got the couch on the truck which took a total of 5 min. Like I said neighbor 2 was a tall man who obviously worked out a lot he lifted the couch like it was made of foam. As I thanked him over and over and then a funny thing happened, he looked into my eyes, leaned in and hugged me, a sincere hug. I think at that moment he realized that just moments before he was going to blow me off because he couldn't or didn't want to be bothered by this crazy woman and I was so grateful for something that was not only effortless for him, only took a few minutes. I truly believe the Lord filled his spirit at that very moment, kind of like the Grinch whose heart grew 3x bigger.  I believe in the future he will be more open to helping others.

I started the drive to the storage unit white knuckled reminding myself I can do all things through Christ! The Lord had my back as always and a sweet man named John was at the gate of my apartment waiting for me .

I was feeling better as the two of us loaded the truck which truly took one hour. After John left fear gripped my heart again as I was alone in this beast and there was now no turning back.

The ride in the mountains was awful, every foot I climbed was a reminder I had to come down. At every sharp turn I was sure I was going to tip over. My mind was racing, why didn't I pay attention to how I packed the truck? Did I have all the heavy stuff on one side?

There was a line of angry people behind me as I crept around the mountain. My heart was pounding and I was sweating. I prayed in the Spirit when I wasn't sobbing and would have welcomed the rapture. I had to keep reminding myself, His grace is sufficient. I know it sounds silly but I was so scared. I literally had chest pain for 7 hours!

I prayed I wouldn't hit Atlanta in the dark but because of the amount of traffic that's exactly what happened. Did I mention my mirrors weren't set up so I had a hard time seeing what was going on behind me? Probably best. At one point I had to cross 4, FOUR lanes of traffic to stay on 75 and no one would let me over so I just came to a complete stop. I was one of those people we all yell at. It worked someone had pity.

Seven long grueling hours later I arrived at my much needed hotel and pried my white bloodless hands from the steering wheel. I took a hot shower and a Tylenol PM and went to bed. Day 2 for another 7 hours, it took the power of the Holy Spirit to get me back in that truck. Do it afraid took on a whole new meaning for me. It was better, at least the chest pain was gone.

The Lord told me He needed me to trust Him to get me through this so I would be able to handle the next task He had for me. Not gonna lie I don't even wanna know what that is!

My things are in yet another storage unit as I wait for my next temporary housing. I have been blessed by my friend Karen to stay in her house while she is out of town and have had some temporary jobs to sustain me but God continues to be my financial support. While I was in TN those seven months I worked about 2 weeks. I figured out that the Lord provided over $10,000. for me to pay for all my living expenses while I carried out His plan. 

Isn't it funny I can have complete faith in Him for money but driving a 1000 ft moving truck was so difficult. OK I exaggerated.  I think the reason was that required more of me then I thought I had. Gems we really can do what the Lord asks if we let Him fill us with His power.

It's now the end of March and although I have been in Tampa for almost 9 months I have never felt like I would stay here. I “think” I will be in Florida for a “while” longer but as we discussed earlier there's no telling what that could be.

I desire to have my own place surrounded by my own things like my bed for starters. It can be annoying at times living out of boxes and feeling like you have overstayed someones generosity. Going back and forth to a storage unit because what you need never seems to be where you are. One of my plastic containers is my dresser and a night stand. My car is usually packed with extra clothes in case I don't come “home” for a few days. I try to stay positive and not complain because God is truly so good to me and I am reminded of Jesus own words: Luke 9:58 Jesus replied, "Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

I was asked to go back to Haiti in May complete with a paid ticket to minister, so I began to seek the Lord for direction. My prayer was, God don't let me go because I need something to do for you, send me because you need me to do something for you.

I think we confuse these two factors at times, especially when we feel we have been idle for what we think is too long.

I really needed a word from the Lord because it can be confusing for me. I always look in His word for answers and He always supplies them. At 4 A.M. The Holy Spirit woke me so I grabbed my Bible. I was already reading from Acts so I picked up there, when I got to certain verses I felt a stirring in my Spirit. This is Paul speaking:

Acts 18:21 But as he left, he promised, “I will come back if it is God's will.”

Even though I always tell my friends in Haiti that I will be back, it has to be when God tells me, it has to be His will not mine.
Acts 19:21 Afterward Paul felt compelled by the Spirit to go over to Macedonia and Achaia before going to Jerusalem.

The Holy Spirit showed me I wasn't feeling compelled by God to go I was feeling like I needed to be needed by God not that God needed me.

Do you understand what I'm saying? It wouldn't be bad to go on a mission trip but I would be doing it for me more then the Lord. Yes I could do good stuff but God desires great stuff!

The Lord sad no, I would be busy in May. 

Those familiar winds of change are once again stirring and perhaps busy means I will be moving to my next home in May.  I have no idea.

Selfishly I hope it includes my stuff but either way I will go with anticipation as every journey with the Lord is worth the trip!

So Gems there you have it, clear as mud. I hope this entry has inspired or encouraged you in some way. I'll let you know where I land, please pray for me that I will not get distracted by the comforts of this world and the longing to be near my family.

I'll end with a quote by Beth Moore.

“If Jesus give us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work. I fear, however, that we are so attention deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty is just around the corner.”

Trunk Miracle

My sweet Jesus recently blessed me with a free pottery class! After the initial excitement I was reluctant, I'm not very artistic and couldn't imagine what I could possibly make. Being clueless is where I work best so I joined.  It has been a great experience sharing the class with my awesome friend Sonya.

The class is led by my dear friend Junior Polo, who I might add is an artist.

As always I look for what the Holy Spirit might teach me in every experience. This class brought me a visual teaching to the Bible verse regarding clay.

Isaiah 64:8

But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand.

Not gonna lie, the first day I was totally intimidated by the potential artist that surrounded me. I had to remind myself of a story my friend Betty, another artist, shared with me years ago. It's called the magic of the trunk. We were painting cardboard bird houses and she told me when I got home to put mine in my trunk and take it out in the morning and it would be great.
The theory  behind the madness is your eye will be less critical when you look at your work by itself instead of next to others.  She was right.

Back to class. Junior handed each of us a slab of clay and said we would be making a vase. 

VASE?

Ahh Junior your so cute, a vase, right.....

How is this slab of clay going to turn into a vase? With a few tricks of the trade, which now that I'm a self proclaimed artist I can share with you, it started to take shape. I got excited about my project until I started looking around at other peoples creations. 

Especially Junior's!

Sonya would be a good sport and tell me mine had potential. I would remind myself not to look around and just enjoy the experience. I had a vision of my creation in my mind the challenge was making it happen with my hands.

After we finished molding our vase it was put in a kiln to bake and then we would paint it. Unfortunately the only thing I would do worse than molding clay was painting it.

Junior showed me assorted brushes and colors to use for different effects . I smiled and nodded my head as he spoke, you know the routine you've done it, I stared at him like a deer in headlights. I had no idea what he was talking about.

I just kept telling myself the Betty theory, when it's done it's going right in my trunk.

Gems we can't compare our work to those around us or we lose sight of the potential within us. We are obviously not all artist but that doesn't mean we can't try our hand at it. When we hold our work next to a master of course it's not as good but if we hold it to our ability it's not so bad. Miracle of the trunk :)

As I looked around the class there were no two vases the same. Each one was an expression of the one whose hands created it. It was no longer a competition in my mind of whose was better,it was a celebration of each persons uniqueness.

I took my vase home and marveled at how great I thought it looked. I proudly displayed it before my family and sent pictures to my friends to share in my accomplishment. Not gonna lie Gems I was pretty pleased with myself.

Does it have flaws? You bet. I put too much paint in some areas, I forgot to paint the bottom, my boobs are lumpy and I'm not sure anyone's flesh is that color. There is a crack on the side and last but not least it leaked when I put water in it! But in my eyes it was beautiful!!!

It was then I started thinking about the verse from Isaiah.

God is the potter and we are His clay and HE says we are the work of His hands.

God, the ultimate artist made us! Each of us an original piece of art.

How we decorate ourselves or what we put into our creation is up to us but our original design is perfect! The problem is we don't see our own beauty.

 Who are we to diss God's work of art.

Isaiah 29:16

You turn things around! Shall the potter be considered as equal with the clay, That what is made would say to its maker, "He did not make me"; Or what is formed say to him who formed it, "He has no understanding"?

Perhaps we should all spend a night in a trunk and remind ourselves of who created us, GOD!

Why do we question our uniqueness all the time? I include myself in this question. I struggle at times with who I am. I question God as to why He created me the way I am.

Why doesn't my journey look like most of those around me? Why have you asked me to be so different? Did you mean for me to look like this? Do you like me? Am I normal to you? Do I have a purpose? Am I living my purpose? Why do I sometimes feel like I didn't stay in the trunk long enough? Am I a miracle?

Have you ever asked these questions? If so I'll tell you the answer He gave me and I'm 100% sure the answer is for you too.

Isaiah 64:8

But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand.

The problem isn't the answer God gives it's the lies I believe that cause me to question in the first place.

Isaiah 45:9

"Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker-- An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, 'What are you doing?' Or the thing you are making say, 'He has no hands'?

If my vase could speak and it told me it wasn't a vase I would be like yes you are I'm the one who molded you out of a flat slab and made you into one.

The "normal" purpose of a vase is to hold flowers

but just because I'm a vase doesn't mean I can only hold flowers. Maybe I'll hold pens or be part of a  dress display.I could be a decoration on a shelf or hold lollipops!

 As I mentioned my creation leaked so I could be a dry flower vase or just leave it empty because I think it is beautiful! 

Gems your maker, GOD, thinks you are beautiful. He compares you to no other creation He has made. You are a one of a kind, a unique individual and you have your own purpose.

So I encourage you to celebrate your created self. I give you permission to appreciate every crack and crevice of your design.  If your life doesn't look like those around you throw a party and celebrate your unique design. If you have flaws you created get in your "trunk" and ask the Master Potter

to help you mold them into a healthier you but remember the original design is still the work of God's hand.