Strength In Joy

I was having one of those days yesterday, you know the kind when you feel like your going to lose it any moment? Do men have those days? Anyway I was on edge and anxious with no apparent reason.
I had to take my youngest daughter to her new High School to meet her teachers and find her classes. How she went from being 4 years old to high school so fast is beyond me. It was hot, I only had an hour, we were in a long line of cars and worse than all we were making a left hand turn.
OK so I'm in my car with my daughter and I'm getting annoyed with the person at the front of the line who is not taking the MANY attempts they had to turn. I start grumbling out loud and I finally say to this person I don't know and can't hear me “don't make me blow this horn!”
At this pressure cooking moment my sweet daughter starts singing “I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart” she looks at me with a big angelic smile and continues singing “WHERE? Down in my heart to stay!” (if you don't know this popular child song go to you tube and listen to it) I just started laughing and calmed down but then it hit me I did not have joy in my heart.
The second part of Nehemiah 8:10 tells us the joy of the Lord is our strength.
That is a powerful verse and I was living proof of it, on the opposite end I'm afraid. I was not walking in strength because my joy joy joy was apparently no where to be found.
When we have our joy we are able to handle the things life throws at us in a better emotional state. We walk in the understanding that God is in control and Jesus will lead our path. It's the place where we truly are anxious for nothing.
That is an attainable place but if you lose your joy you lose your place.
I did focus on what my daughter said but for some reason I could not seem to beat this feeling I was having. I almost felt numb inside.
Overwhelmed with all the things going on around me and all the prayer request I'm praying for and yet I felt numb.
The truth is the people I'm praying for have far more serious things than I do in my life right now. I felt like a wimp.
I got home from work and my grandson came in a few minutes later excited he had made the soccer team tryouts and would be on the team he hoped for. He's only 7 and has been working so hard all summer. I of course shared in his excitement and told him how proud I was but honestly gems I was responding right on the outside but the inside I was just kinda numb.
I didn't feel excitement or joy or love or anything! What the heck was wrong with me?
Before I went to bed I decided to water my plants on the porch and just call it a day.
I reached up to a hanging plant and as I started pouring the water into it a swarm of wasp attacked my hand. I got about 5 stings before I ran into the house.
The weird thing is although it hurt like a #@##@# it made me cry and that was exactly what I needed.
I went in my room and sat on the floor in the dark and just cried out to God with all the stings I was feeling not only in my hand but in my heart. And believe me I was feeling something now!
My oldest son Anthony, thinking I had gone to bed, came to my room to say goodnight. When he heard me crying he came into my room to see what was wrong.
I don't like to cry in front of my kids or people for that matter when I'm feeling really vulnerable.
I told him about the numbness and how I could not seem to find my joy. I shared how I felt like I wasn't doing the best kingdom work lately and in a nut shell felt like crap. To make matters worse I didn't feel like the Lord had much to say to me, other than the joy thing.
My wise son encouraged me with facts about our family and the seeds I had planted and then he said something very profound to me.
He claims I said it to him years ago so it mush have been a Holy Spirit moment cause not only do I not remember but it was really good.
He said “mom you told me one time that the more time we spend with God and devote ourselves to becoming more like Jesus the less He has to talk to us.”
Follow me here not less time like He's busy but less time reminding us how to behave. He went on to say that when we are seeking the love of God we respond in ways that please Him.
Let's put it in a practical every day way. When your teaching your child, student, sibling or employee something new you have to tell them over and over how it's done. You have to remind them the proper response each time the situation comes up. As time goes by you have to tell them less and less as they figure out what to do.
The more we read the Bible and ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom the more we get it and the less times He has to show us how to behave.
Anthony asked me if I fessed up to anything I did wrong and I said yes. He responded in his most sensitive way “then suck it up, get back on the horse and start riding again!”
He was right. The beautiful part about walking with the Lord is as soon as you repent and move on your done. You only camp out in the joyless zone if you choose to hang out there.
On a more difficult note he said he thought it was important for me to share with people when I'm vulnerable. I reminded him about Gena's Jewels and how many people I share my junk with. It is a humbling experience but if it helps one person I'm glad to do it.
Honestly Gems, I feel bad sharing because I feel like my lack of trust at the time is dissing God. My son reminded me that people need to know that we all feel that way at times.
So here I am AGAIN confessing to you that I lost my joy cause I lost my trust.
The good news is after a good cry, a great talk including a much needed hug and an awesome prayer time I woke up the next morning and what do you think I found?
You guessed it.
I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart! Where?? Down in my heart to stay :)
None of the circumstances in my life nor in the lives of the ones I'm praying for have changed. It's never about our circumstances it's about our mind set.
I feel so much better today so I'm sending this out to you my Gems to encourage you. If you lost your peace look for your joy, chances are you'll find your strength too!