This Dying to Self is Killing Me

Seriously the more like Christ I strive to become the more I find myself saying “I'm dyin here!”

I know that's the point but it can be just plain painful at times.
I don't know about you but sometimes I get tired of the Holy Spirit showing me I'm wrong when I think I'm right.
This of course is my first problem.

Let me give you some scriptures to explain what I'm talking about. (Jesus speaking)

Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

If we want to be a disciple of Christ we must deny our self and take up our cross not just once a week but daily!
What does denying self mean? Glad you asked.
Lately for me denying self means not allowing myself to get offended EVEN when I think I'm right.

I think it's interesting that one of the definitions for offed on dictionary.com was:
(in Biblical use) to cause to fall into sinful ways.
How appropriate. That's exactly what happens. 

You get offended, decide your right and before you know it you have fallen into sinful ways by having resentment or unforgiveness toward another person. You open up a door for the enemy to mess with your mind. He will take a small piece of truth and add his lies to it. You begin to mix your offense with truth.
For me it was having an expectation of someone and when the expectation wasn't met I got my feelings hurt. I started going over the incident in my mind replaying the “offense” and getting my feelings hurt over and over.
I'm not talking about anything earth shattering here.
It can be something as simple as someone not coming through with something they said they would do or not showing up somewhere they said they would.
I shared it with the Lord, again expecting Him to side with me, and this is what the Holy Spirit said to me.
“Gena you can get your feelings hurt and choose to forgive and forget or you can choose to be offended. You can choose being offended, however, that's not an option if your seeking to be more like Christ. You're not allowed to be mad at someone because they didn't meet your expectation. It's just that, your expectation not their responsibility.”
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!

 It always comes down to our choice. I had to decide what I was going to do with how I felt.

Ephesians 4:22-25 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying you should be someone's doormat. If you are the only one sowing into a relationship than you need to reevaluate that friendship.
The key part here is putting off your desires. They don't have to be deceitful or even wrong desires you just can't expect anyone other than God to meet all the desires of your heart.
Once we get offended it causes dissension in the relationship and if left unchecked or unresolved it can cause a total break up of a valuable relationship.

But my question is where do you draw the line? Do you stop expecting from people completely?
Do I expect nothing from my relationships?

The verse above says to make new the attitude of your mind. How do we do that?
For me it was going back to my situation and deciding what I was going to do. Was I going to wallow in my hurt feelings and allow satan to whisper lies to me like, this friend obviously doesn't really care about you or they would have never done this thing.
Once I died to self I knew that was a lie.

Remember when the popular saying was “what would Jesus do?” Well that my Gems is an everyday question we have to ask ourselves. That's the meaning of taking up our cross daily.
We have to be able to talk to one another and express how we feel. Keep the lines of communication open. The tricky part is after we're done speaking and the other person shares we have to choose again not to take offense.  It's easy to tell someone what bothered you the tough part (dying to self) is hearing how you bothered them. We have to speak and listen and then move forward together. The truth is we get offended so easy and most times the person who offended us doesn't even know they did it. 

One of the reasons I love being involved with the Soup Kitchen and ministering to the homeless is there are no preconceived expectations. They have absolutely nothing to give me nor do I want them to. The people who serve our brothers and sisters do it out of love and no other motive.
To die to self means to constantly ask yourself what is my motive? What do I need or want from this decision?

I'll give you another example using a totally different scenario.
I was at work the other day on the phone with a customer. She was telling me she made a payment on her credit card and gave me the account number it got posted to. I could not find the payment or the account number she gave me. She then told me the credit card payment was changed to a check and mailed to Atlanta. My office is in Florida. Why in the world would the payment go to Atlanta? I never heard of a credit card payment being changed to a check without the customer being the one writing the check? Nothing she was saying made any sense to me and although I didn't let her know it I was getting frustrated with her. To be honest I thought she might be making this whole story up.
When I hung up I made a comment about her to my boss. Something like “I don't know what this lady is talking about, she's crazy or smoking something.”
No harm done right? She didn't know what I said and never would for that matter.

Well later that day my coworker went out to get our mail and guess what was in there? None other than the check, written by the bank not the customer mailed from Atlanta in the amount she said it was.
When I got home that night the Lord reminded me about the flippant comment I made about the customer. He let me know that just because I didn't know what she was talking about didn't make me right and her wrong. The Holy Spirit was grieved that I trashed talked one of God's children because I was frustrated.

I felt so bad I sent a text to my boss apologizing for being a butt head. I had to die to self....
I could go on and on with examples. I am a work in progress. The bottom line is in order for there to be more of Jesus in us we have to get rid of or die more to self.

Every once in a while I'll have a day that more than one person will compliment me. They will tell me I look really pretty or radiant. I have to laugh because my outward appearance hasn't changed much it's just that I decided that day to act more like Jesus.
The Bible says that Jesus was an ordinary looking guy not ugly or really handsome yet people were drawn to Him. If He wasn't this major hotty what were they drawn to?
They were drawn to the love that flowed so freely from Him to anyone He came in contact with.
What people think is attractive in me on those days is the Spirit of Jesus being allowed to flow through me.
The times I feel like it's killing me to die to self are the times I'm focusing more on me than others.
Let's all try to die a little more each day and put on the new self, the one created to be like God .