You Can’t Put a Leash on a Butterfly

I said these very words to my friend Sonya as I was pouring my heart out to her the other day.

Our job is to raise our children but as you know there are no directions that come with your baby. Even if there were they would only work on the first child as every one is different. 

The Bible tells us to train up our children.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

My dilemma is the "go" part. 

The place I find myself in is what do you do when you trained them and they left or are leaving? There are no directions for this part of your journey either.

Some call it the empty nest syndrome so if you would indulge me I would like to expand on that a bit more.

My oldest daughter Amanda has been a challenge from the day she was born. She has always known what she liked and what she didn’t like. She wanted to be comforted when she was out of sorts but not necessarily held….

I had to figure out what that meant. As a baby when Amanda was “cranky” I would put her in her carriage and park her in front of the stereo speaker with classical music playing.This only worked for her not the other three.

We have to figure out how to love and walk with each of our children and as you know this alone is a full time job.

 Jessica was the fourth child and she was less challenging but still had her own assembly instructions that needed to be figured out.

You spend 16 full time years pouring into your children then at 17 something happens.

They no longer need you. They have established friends, hobbies and jobs. They are driving and hopefully finding their way with God and you are not “needed.” 

This is a very natural progression and if you have some what succeeded the next leg of the journey.

But why is success so painful?

I was sharing all this with Sonya who gave me comforting advice that I will now share with you Gems.

She said that my children are able to move forward in their lives and ministries because of the years I have poured into them. The encouragement I gave them to sore and the permission I gave them to be their own person. That the Lord was able to move through me into them.

 Because I love butterflies I of course got this mental picture of them coming out of their cocoons and emerging into the beautiful butterflies they are.

We know you can’t help a butterfly emerge from their cocoon because they need to force the fluid into their wings to stretch and open them so they can fly.

We are so used to helping and it’s an unfamiliar place to wait and let the process unfold on its own. We need to leave our children with their Creator and know they were always His.

He chose us to raise them and teach them but they were never ours. We were and are a temporary cocoon.

We can watch them fly and be there for them should they ask us but we can’t put a leash on them any more then we could a real butterfly. 

A butterfly is not created to be taken on a walk it's created to fly to the places God alone has already determined.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9 

I will have to join other spectator parents and put away my leash and emerge from yet another cocoon of my own life. 

So to my butterflies I wish you well as you go from walking to taking your own personal flights I will love and pray for your solo flights cause you just can't put a leash on a butterfly!